What do you ya think about this poem?

Question

Searching wide and around

For the sign of the future telling me

You gotten , keep keep on searching on

I wanna nice car, nice clothing , wanna work my *** off

Take it offf, get it going in the dim bed room light

Feel like the pain shoot in my foot to the end of my little toe

Thats why i am searching wide and around

For the times page , because i am speeding down the freeway

Laughing and going crazy all the way

But other days come by

I feel so wowed up , like a clocking ticking backwards

You wanna cry in bed all alone

Thought come serging in

Oh babe blue , weeping inside the soft covers

With everything so distressing

My mind goes searching wide and around

For something that just feels alrite

Answer 1

Some nice lines, but, overall, poorly executed.

Note to Michael: I actually agree with a lot of what you say here, but from what I've read of your 'poetry', I'm not convinced that you're the best qualified person to be saying it.

Addendum: I'm not in the slightest bit angry and there's nothing 'wannabe' about me. You're the one who's vain enough to post your scribblings and invite people to give you their opinion, so you shouldn't complain when they do. And as for my opinions being irrelevant - just like your 'poetry' then, eh? And going from your 'critiques' of the poetry of others, you're the one who seems to be an 'angry wannabe critic'. You're definitely a 'wannabe poet', 'cos a poet you're NOT.

"Unlike some cynical angry little man behind his keyboard leaving pointless comments"? Ha, ha! That's YOU, that is. Listen, sonny, I'm a bear from Glasgow - there's nothing 'little' about me.

Answer 2

The emotion is there, but where is the structure? This reads more like jotted out thoughts

I feel so wowed up , like a clocking ticking backwards

You wanna cry in bed all alone

Thought come serging in

Oh babe blue , weeping inside the soft covers

With everything so distressing

My mind goes searching wide and around

For something that just feels alrite

There is some great emotive words you expressed there. It should have been made into a stanza all on it's own, and if the flow and structuring of your lines were better, this could have been a great poem

Yes and all you people on here who bash my constructive comments and say "ohhh this poem is so great and beautiful blah blah blah poetry doesn't need structure, it should come out how you feel" You people arn't helping her develop her poetry.

Note to Percy: When you post your own "poetry" then i will take your comment seriously, until then your point of view is irrelevent and means nothing to me. Just another angry wannabe critic.

Answer 3

I agree with the 2 before me, some goos lines but there is just somethign missing...could you please answer mine too??

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 4

i love the poem....itz really good....i would insist putting it in a contest....if i was a judge u would definately win...