What do yuo think of these lines of a poem?

Question

the poem is Perpetually Alone:

my blood soaked heart beats a broken rhythm

with every shattered beat i breathe the pain

what do you think of those^^

(and yes, i did write it)

Answer 1

i actually like it lol.. a lot its really good... keep on writing =]

Answer 2

I think it would be better suited for a song, but either way it's pretty vivid stuff. Good.