What does Confucius say?

Question

What does Confucius say?

Answer 1

Confucius says NOTHING. He's been dead for a few thousand years. Dead people can't talk.

Brightest Blessings,

Raji the Green Witch

Answer 2

Confucius say: Man who eats jelly beans farts in living color.

Answer 3

Hi, I'm not American and I want to know... What are you all talking about?

Answer 4

confucius say man who stand on toilet high on pot

Answer 5

Confucius Say:

Man who f**t in church....Sit in own pew.

He who has a sharp tongue, cuts his own throat.

Even the greatest of whales is helpless in desert.

Man who drop watch in toilet have crappy time.

Naked man fears no pick pocket.

"Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok."

"Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have S****y time."

"Man who kisses girl's behind, gets crack in face."

"Man who live in glass house, dress in basement."

"Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing."

"Sailor who gets discharged from navy leave buddies behind."

"Woman is like jazz music, 3/4 jazz time and 1/4 rag time."

"He who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser."

"Man who tell one to many light bulb jokes soon burn out!"

"Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary."

"Man with no legs bums around."

"Baby ill-conceived in automatic car shiftless b*****d."

"A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose."

"Find old man in dark, not hard!"

"Man who smoke pot choke on handle."

"Man who put head on Rail Road track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache."

"Girl who marry detective must kiss d**k."

"Girl who is wallflower at party is dandelion in bed."

"Passionate kiss like spider's web ... soon lead to undoing of fly."

"Baseball is wrong.  Man with four balls cannot walk."

"Wife who put husband in dog house soon find him in cat house."

"Man who fight with wife all day,  get no piece at night."

"It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one s***w to fill it."

"Man who bounce woman on bedspring this spring, have offspring next spring."

"A man with his hands in pockets feels foolish, but a man with holes in pockets feels nuts."

"Honeymooning campers have one intent!"

"Man who sells Kotex, is crack salesman."

"Man who lay girl on hill not on level."

"Man with athletic finger make broad jump."

"Virgin like balloon:   one prick, all gone."

"Man who plays with titty gets bust in mouth."

"Woman pilot who fly upside down have crack up."

"Man who lays girl in field gets piece on earth."

"Man who have hole in pocket feels cocky all day."

"Man who screws cook in pantry often gets *** in jam."

"He who fish in other mans well often catches crabs."

"Girl who douches with vinegar walk around with sour puss."

"Boy who goes to bed with s*x problem wake up with solution in hand."

"Girl should not marry basketball player: he dribbles before he shoots."

"He who chase car will get exhausted."

"Man who lose key to girl friends apartment, no get nukie."

"Hooker with bike pedal *** all over town."

"He who stand on toilet, high on pot."

"Foolish man give wife grand piano.  Wise man give wife upright organ."

"All men eat, but Fu Manchu."

"Before becoming master fisherman, must be master baiter."

"Boy fool with girl in wrong period get caught red handed."

"Boy who diddle little girl do diddly squat."

"Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy."

"He who eat cookie in bed, will wake up feeling crumby."

"He who eat ice cream in car is a Sundae Driver."

"He who eat too many prunes, sit on toilet many moons."

"He who masturbates in front of cash register come into money."

"He who pull out too fast leave rubber behind."

"He who put face in punch bowl get punch in nose."

"He who stick head in open window get pane in neck."

"He who stick head in oven get baked bean."

"Hockey player on ice have big stick."

"House without toilet, uncanny."

"If you turn an oriental around, he become disoriented."

"If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient."

"Is good to learn how to m********e, may come in handy!"

"Man kicked in testicles, left holding bag."

"Man who abuse his computer get bad bytes!"

"Man who drive like h**l bound to get there!"

"Man who drop watch in whisky is wasting time."

"Man who eat photo of father, soon spitting image of father."

"Man fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self."

"Man who have circumcision lose a bit of foresight."

"Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion!"

"Man who m********e only s******g self."

"Man who put c**k on stove have hot rod."

"Man who read woman like book, prefer braille!"

"Man who sit on hot stove will rise again."

"Man who sit on tack get point!"

"Man who sleep in cat house by day, in doghouse by night"

"Man who sucks nipples makes clean breast of things."

"Man with forked tongue not need chop sticks."

"Man with hand in bush not necessarily trimming shrubs."

"Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts."

"Woman who put detergent on top shelf, Jump for Joy."

"Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!

Answer 6

Confucius say:  He who lives in glass house, should dress in basement.

Answer 7

Be not ashamed of mistakes and thus make them crimes.

Confucius

- More quotations on: [Mistakes]

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.

Confucius

Everything has its beauty but not everyone sees it.

Confucius

Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses.

Confucius

- More quotations on: [Kindness]

He who will not economize will have to agonize.

Confucius

I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.

Confucius

Ignorance is the night of the mind, but a night without moon and star.

Confucius

- More quotations on: [Ignorance]

It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.

Confucius

Men's natures are alike, it is their habits that carry them far apart.

Confucius

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do.

Confucius

Respect yourself and others will respect you.

Confucius

- More quotations on: [Respect]

Study the past if you would define the future.

Confucius

The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

Confucius

- More quotations on: [Security]

To be able under all circumstances to practice five things constitutes perfect virtue; these five things are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness and kindness.

Confucius

To see what is right and not to do it is want of courage.

Confucius

To see what is right, and not to do it, is want of courage or of principle.

Confucius

What the superior man seeks is in himself; what the small man seeks is in others.

Confucius

When anger rises, think of the consequences.

Confucius

- More quotations on: [Anger]

When we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves.

Confucius

Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.

Confucius

They must often change who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.

Confucius, Analects

By nature, men are nearly alike; by practice, they get to be wide apart.

Confucius, The Confucian Analects

Fine words and an insinuating appearance are seldom associated with true virtue.

Confucius, The Confucian Analects

Have no friends not equal to yourself.

Confucius, The Confucian Analects

- More quotations on: [Friendship]

He who exercises government by means of his virtue may be compared to the north polar star, which keeps its place and all the stars turn towards it.

Confucius, The Confucian Analects

- More quotations on: [Exercise]

He who speaks without modesty will find it difficult to make his words good.

Confucius, The Confucian Analects

- More quotations on: [Humility]

He with whom neither slander that gradually soaks into the mind, nor statements that startle like a wound in the flesh, are successful may be called intelligent indeed.

Confucius, The Confucian Analects

Hold faithfulness and sincerity as first principles.

Confucius, The Confucian Analects

- More quotations on: [Faith]

I am not one who was born in the possession of knowledge; I am one who is fond of antiquity, and earnest in seeking it there.

Confucius, The Confucian Analects

Answer 8

"... and Confucius he say, name go in box."

-from the "philosophy world cup" Monty Python sketch

Answer 9

"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."

Answer 10

he say "man with long toes wear sandals, man with long fingers wear nothing, no justice in the world"

Answer 11

Man with money in pocket feels rich, man with hole in pocket feels nuts.

Answer 12

Confucius say: It is wise to not follow crowd unless crowd is naked.

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Answer 13

Man with one watch is always sure what time it is...man with two is never sure....

Answer 14

confucius says man who go to sleep with itchy bum wake up with smelly finger