What does a birth mother look for in choosing adoptive parents?

Question

What does a birth mother look for in choosing adoptive parents?

Answer 1

well my mom just left me and said find someone good for you so not all moms look first  

Answer 2

No matter how much money they have, the child will know his/her mother isn't there any more.

No matter how happy their marriage is, there is no guarantee it will stay that way.

Open adoptions are not enforceable in any state.

Unless the child is being abused or neglected, s/he would most likely be much better off with his/her own parents.

Lack of funds or resources is not a reason to give a child up.  What if the adoptive parents find themselves in the same spot 10 years down the road?

People can lie about religious affiliations because their desire to obtain a child clouds their judgment.

People can lie about just about anything because their desire to obtain a child clouds their judgment.

When you read a "Dear Birthmother" letter, ask yourself, "is anyone ever really THIS perfect?"  They are no better than you, and the life they give your child can't measure up to a mother's love.  Period.

Answer 3

I'm a biological mother who has put two of my children up for adoption. I had them very young and don't believe in abortion, nothing wrong with it, just a personal decision. I'm biracial and so are my children, I wanted biracial parents who were financially and emotionally capable of taking care of them. I wanted a two parent home, something I was also not able to give them.I also wanted parents who didn't have any children already. I wanted my children to be the center of their world and not just another notch in their belt.

Answer 4

Gaia Raain gave a very thoughtful answer.  I wholeheartedly agree that perfection is something to be very very suspicious of.

As an abused adoptee, my parents seemed perfectly normal in every way in public, but in private they had serious problems.  They would have been great candidates on any short list, and they passed their screening with flying colors. I can tell you that you'll JUST NEVER KNOW what kind of fate your child will have after you give them up.  All those anxious, expectant, hopeful, responsible people courting you for your baby - just because they can balance a checkbook or have interesting hobbies or go to church does not mean they will be great parents. despite their other success, they don't know anything more than you do about raising children - they are beginners too.  

Give yourself time to make a decision you will not have any regrets over.  And if you are in a temporary bind, consider a temporary solution like asking a friend or family member to help out, or seeing if someone within your family will adopt.  

A child is a terrible thing to lose.  Adoption is forever.  

Answer 5

I am a biological parent and I wanted a couple who had similar religious and moral views. I imagine that's what most mothers look for. My son is an only child in his family and his parents are in their 40's. I know he's the most important part of their lives.

Answer 6

These are the following things that attracted our baby's B.mom to us 1)Colour of our skin- same as hers. She wanted her child to assimilate in the family without too many questions (We both are brown although different race)

2) Us as a family unit- we have been married for several years and dated many years before that...........shows our stable marriage. She wrote her baby a lovely letter that said " Now you will have a mom and a dad....instead of only 1 mom)

3) She was pleased to see our love of animals. She loved animals but had never kept a pet and wished her child could be exposed to such things

4) Our travelling the world, she wished the same for her child

5) Education- we have both studied a lot and she wished the same for her child as she herself had not been able to finish school.

I do believe she looked for a very loving home with no other children at first. We assured her we could provide that through our profile. WE NEVER MET HER AT ALL or spoke to her.( I said the last line for those people who accuse AP's for having coerced the b.mom's)