What does anti-adoption really mean?

Question

I'm asking this question because some of you that I would have liked to contact through e-mail to explain myself more clearly... don't have your e-mail options turned on.

No, I wasn't going to spam you or harass you through e-mail. I am capable of having a rational discussion, although it's better if the discussion is one-on-one without other influences on the website.

So my question is: if someone resents the fact that they were relinquished but is quite happy that they were adopted, are they considered anti-adoption?

If yes, then why? I'd like to hear opinions on this.

Answer 1

I am anti-adoption, and I am proud to say that.  I have lived long enough to know that few things are forever, lives change, and so do people.  Perhaps a better question would be "Why are People Pro-Adoption"?  

I have a hard time getting my mind around a bunch of holier than thou Social Workers and politicians setting themselves up as the ultimate authority on who is suitable to parent.  I have a problem with women being forced, coerced and shamed into surrendering their children.  I see the bond between mother and child as sacred.  I struggle with the idea of a God who is right when he allows entitlement for some at the expense of others.  I find that same God suspiciously unnecessarily convoluted when he is supposedly placing babies in the wrong tummies.  

It seems to me that when people try and thwart Mother Nature, there are consequences.  We saw an example of how effectively men "conquer" Nature by the example of the Mississippi River levee system following Hurricane Katrina.  It broke.  So is the family.

If being pro-woman, pro-justice, pro-nature, and pro-natural family makes me anti-adoption, then so be it.  I am anti-adoption and proud.  

Sandy Young

SMAAC

Answer 2

"So my question is: if someone resents the fact that they were relinquished but is quite happy that they were adopted, are they considered anti-adoption?"

They are considered anti-adoption by the industry and by the many Aps that feel they got what "they" wanted out of adoption.

I personally would want to know why the adoptee feels the way they do and make sure its addressed by the industry so its not repeated. The industry and those supporting it would rather sweep it under the rug as an isolated misfortune or something the adoptee should have to live with, whats done is done. s***w the next generation its not my problem, I can't save the world.

I think that too many people can't get over their infertility issues and can't accept that they can't have babies. They only listen to those that are giving them hope to get the next best? thing and anyone else that talks about the reality of it are just Haters or Anti even if its coming from the source...the adoptee.  

Too many parents both adoptive and bio... don't listen to children( adult or not).  They are ignorant and set in their ways.  

I don't believe in the myth "older is wiser". I have seen way too many people IRL that aren't.  

Look at our gov't reps. How are laws going to amended with people in office that are stuck in the 50's, 60's or 70's mentality or are the puppets of the people with that mentality voting them into office.

Answer 3

My father was adopted. He never wanted to meet his biomother, he never even looked her up. He considers my grandparents to be his only parents. He had a happy, loving childhood.

If the anti-adoption people had their way, my father would probably have been abandoned or killed as a child because his mother could not care for him.

People who want reforms are not anti-adoption, we all should want reforms. The only people who are anti-adoption are those who believe that adoption can't do any good in the world, when it clearly can and does. Criticizing adoption doesn't make a person anti-adoption unless they think that because there are a few bugs in the system we should throw the whole thing out.

I also think you can resent the fact that you were relinquished, or wish you had not had to be adopted at all, and still think adoption is overall a good option to have and love your family very much.

Answer 4

Anti adoption in reality is being against adoption.  

By industry standards and some APs, anyone who speaks out against the wrongs of adoption.  That is both of us.  I realize that adoption can't be abolished completely.  

I am an adoptee rights activist along with adoption reformist.  There are days when I can honestly tell you that I don't know how I feel about adoption. Some days I think that I have lucked out.  There are days when I can't stand adoption at all.  I hate it along with the industry for putting me and my family in the predicament that we are in.  I hate it for what it has done to many of my natural mom friends and my adoptee friends.  So many of us are hurt by what adoption has done. Right now I think it needs a federal investigation involving the resources of the FBI and the CIA.  It needs to be shut down until all of the kinks of it have been worked out.  This includes all adoptions. Domestic Infant, International, and foster care adoption.

If that makes me ant-iadoption, then so be it.  

Answer 5

IA parent here: I do not consider your example to be someone who was anti-adoption. People have layers and therefore can be happy with who they are and what they have, but are not necesswarily thrilled with how it came to be in the first place. A heart transplant recipient may be thrilled to be alive, but saddened by the fact that the only reason they are is because someone else had to die (not the best analogy; just showing that humans are complicated creatures).

I have heard many negative statements about adoption on this site as well as others, however, the only people I would consider to be anti-adoption are the ones who want adoption to be abolished outright. I believe everyone else would be in the reform camp.

Answer 6

I actually wouldn't see someone as anti-adoption (or anti- anything) based only on their views of their own personal situation, regardless of what those views might be. Personal situations are just that... personal. Evaluating something negatively in their own lives doesn't mean a person can't possibly imagine that another situation might be different than their own. Being anti- something can't be focused that narrowly.

I would see being anti-adoption as taking a broader and more activist political position. A person may do that based on their personal experiences, sure. I just think being said to be anti- something means taking a wider view than just looking at your own life.

Answer 7

to those who throw around the term: anyone who doesn't drink "the kool-aid."

in reality: no adoption under any circumstances.

good question.

Answer 8

Any one who spends so much time on y/a adoption section answering " I want to adopt" questions negatively can't be all that "happy" being adopted. This person has to be very disturbed about the whole adoption not just resentfull.

Answer 9

Considering the horrible insults flung at adoptees by these persons, i have come to the conclusion that their defintion of anti-adoption is this:

1.If you are in reunion with your b-mom or are searching.

2. If you are for adoption reforms of any kind. meaning reforms that would lower adoption costs for adoptive parents, put stricter guidelines on adoption agencies, and provides counseling for birth moms.

3. You are for open records so you can get information on your birth mother and/or medical information.

4. Wanting sticter guidelines for international adoptions so adoptive parents don't have to pay so much and adoption agencies that defraud them have to pay penalities.

5. oh, finally you are anti-adoption just because you are an adoptee.

Answer 10

IMO, anyone who offers an alternative viewpoint (of any kind) is automatically labeled "anti-adoption."  It doesn't matter how gently or thoughtfully you discuss adoption, if you dare question current adoption practices in any way you will be seen as "anti."

Adoption is a mythical, win-win-win fantasy institution in our culture, anyone who dares to critique adoption is considered radical.