What does everyone think about this poem?

Question

A boy teased by his girl friends sleeze

a blur as guilty awakes from the night before

screaming, dying, laughing, crying

wars are fought as dogs are bought

and cars come crashing down from the sky

a prostitute reclines her corner

a mother defends her daugter

a tyrnay of a farther

chaos rides waves and tranquillity shus the flames

the golden second when everything works

forbidden rituals carried out in bedrooms

bedrooms were people used to live and play

a sad cry, a lullaby,

who knows what happend next

but every passing moment carries a new set of games

some for the devil, some for the elders

even some for a boy

a boy teased by a fleeting breeze

a boy teased by his girlfriends sleeze

Answer 1

who would read a poem that long?

shorten it.

plus the first 2 lines are confusing.

Answer 2

Nice poem. Very moving. It certainly interested me.

From the first glimpse, readers understand that this isn't a happy poem, and that's a good thing. You've introduced it clearly.(But I would fix the first two lines...)

However, I think you can improve your introduction and your conclusion. "A boy teased  by his girlfriends sleeze" can not wrap up the poem well, or introduce the story. You can think of somethign better. Be vague, mysterious.

Very sad, amazing poem. Good job! =D