What does it mean if my bf still carries a wedding picture of him and his ex in his billfold ?

Question

They have been divorced for 3yrs and they don't communicate at all unless he is lying to me. They have 4 grown children together. We have been living together for nearly 3yrs and his grown children want nothing to do with me. He will not marry me until they come around, what should I do? I don't want to live like this forever!

Answer 1

The picture of his ex in and of itself is not a problem. People's pasts are a big part of who they are, and you can't expect them to want to give up their past just for you. I don't think it's bad that he wants to remember his first marriage. After all, it's a big part of who he is.

That said, if your boyfriend lies about speaking with his ex, and goes running to her whenever things aren't the greatest between the two of you, I would say he is not ready to move away from her. You can wait for him if you want, but, personally, I wouldn't. I'd dump him and find someone who is interested in me right now, not someone who wants to keep me on the back burner just in case he can't salvage things with his ex.

Answer 2

If he still carries a picture around, I would say he still has some kind of feelings for her.  Also, if he won't marry you until his kids come around, then he doesn't have a lot of feelings for you.  It shouldn't matter what his GROWN kids think. All he should be worrying about his you and him.  You better cut your losses with this guy and move on.  It sounds like he's got some issues.

Answer 3

I disagree with the other answers.  I was married to my best friend for 20 years.  Somewhere in time, he turned into a person with a raging temper and abuse.  I have two great kids with this man. And I still carry a picture of our wedding day.  For no other reason but to remind me not to make the same mistakes the second time around and two, to remember he was once a wonderful guy who gave me two great kids for which I am deeply greatful.

You need to sit down and talk, there maybe more to his not getting married again.  Talk now.

Answer 4

it is hard for him to let go of his ex is my guessing. just let the kids know you love ther dad and them too and nothing will ever stop that. they should come around but if he loves you nothin should be preventing him from marrying you.

Answer 5

His ex is part of his past. His past is what makes him what he is today. Your a new chapter in his life, she's a previous chapter. When you read a book, occasionally you have to glance back at the previous chapter to fully understand what it is your faced with. You pull from your past experiences. I was married to my first husband for only 2.5 years. I have been married to my current husband for 19 years. I still have wedding photos from my first marriage in the wedding photo album that he and I had. I still look back at that time of my live .. both in my mind and in that photo album. I haven't' talked to my ex in over 23 years, nor do I want to.

As for the issue with his children... that's a tough one but you really need to talk to him about it. Is he willing to have a life without you? You don't have to ask him to choose you over his children, but he needs to either accept you as his wife and together deal with the children,or turn you loose and get on with life without you.

Answer 6

Either he is a slob, and has never cleaned out his billfold, or he is still not over it.

If you are waiting for the kids to accept you, then you will never have him, because they never will. And if they know that is the  condition your BF has made, then they will for sure never come around.

So, time for a talk, and see if this is going to change. If not, make some preparations for life on your own.

Or the smarter move is to make the preparations, like if you need to go to school to get a better job for yourself, then do that, and then tell him you are done waiting.

Hey, he has used you for a while, now it is time for payback.  

Answer 7

You write:  I don't want to live like this forever!

Then don't.  End the relationship, and move on.

1.  If he still carries a photo of ex, then he is obviously not over her.

2.  Grown children should have nothing to do with it.  They are grown with their own lives.  If they were younger . . . and there was some problem and he wanted to wait to wed until they were 18 (just for example) . . . that I could understand.  But grown adults?  That is just an excuse.

You need to end it, move out, and move on.  He is not good marriage material.

Answer 8

Sorry for the bluntness, but this guy does not want to marry you.  There is no reason to keep carrying a picture of the ex around.  Sure ok to have old pictures, but in an album or a box in the closet.  And as far as the grown kids.  They are grown, its not like you are going to be "step-mom" and raising them and they have to live with you.  Give me a break!  If he loved you, he would tell the kids that he is sorry they don't see what he sees, but he is a grown man and can do what he pleases without their approval.  That he has raised them to be adults, and now they must act like adults.  

Don't wait around for this dude because he is never coming around.  Some kind of life you will all have if he needs to get the kids approval on everything he does.  Find someone who deserves what you have to offer.

Good Luck