What does it mean if you are married but can't stop thinking about your first love?

Question

I have a great husband and I would never cheat on him or anything like that. But I have been thinking about my first love since the last time I saw him which was almost ten years ago. I don't understand this.

Answer 1

Then you haven't listened to music or read anything for most of your life?

You will never forget your first love and when you least expect it you will smell a smell or feel something that will pull him right out of your files.  

Don't mention him, don't talk to anyone about him and just leave him in that file.  Look at it smile and put it away again.

The world my be full of silly love songs but most of them are about that first love.

Answer 2

You had memories with this man. obliviously good ones. And thinking of him makes you feel good. Thoughts are just thoughts they can not hurt us, they do not make us bad.

But I would not live in the past. The past is over, nothing remains the same.You have moved on and I bet he has to. You can not go back. even if you seen him today it would not be the same. It is called magical thinking, when you think of the past or future and imagine it as this blissful time.

Live in the Present Moment. Cherish the life you have with your husband. It is what is happening now. Nurture it.

Answer 3

Hmmmmm ... ten years is quite a long time.

First off, pause a moment and consider what you mean by "can't stop thinking about [your] first love."  Do the thoughts persist through your daily rhythms ... your various roles and responsibilities?  Do the thoughts interfere with you accomplishing goals ... from the simple day-to-day obligations to the planning and achieving of longer-term goals?  If so, then these thoughts are denying you the opportunities to be involved in your "real" life while holding you captive in your imaginary life.

Please, try not to view this as "right" versus "wrong" but simply as a means of assessing and analyzing your behavior in the hopes of better understanding it and being able to successfully move forward from it.

First loves hold a special place in most peoples' hearts ... typically our first love introduces us to feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that we may not have known even existed before our first love allowed for that to blossom.  In addition, first loves tend to have strong memory links that allow for "resurfacing" when triggered by a sight, sound, smell, or other such sensory stimuli -and, when we may least expect it.

The part that is perplexing to me is the "ten years ago" sighting that triggered this "can't stop thinking" about him response in him.

It may be that now, as a more mature woman, and in comparison to your relationship with your husband, you recognize some part of you that wasn't "there" way back in the days of your first love.  As such, your mind is caught in a cycle of "what if's" that present you as you are today with the ideal settings of your past (presuming that as we grow and develop we are more adaptive, more learned, etc).  This pattern then leads to a longing or yearning ... and that "feeling" may be responsible for your mind not being able to let go of him.

I'm a believer in the power of "engaging the dialogue" and, as such, would certainly encourage you to consider discussing these feelings with your husband.  Keep in mind that if your "can't stop thinking about your first love" is actually interfereing with your life then, eventually, your husband will recognize this and be troubled by behavior that -for him- has no basis in your relationship.  That, in itself, makes it worthy of a discussion ... good luck.

Answer 4

A woman can have the conviction that she belongs to  her "first love."

In your case, this means you  haven't "had closure" on this relationship.  You haven't given up and maintain a longing for certain positive aspects.

It means that you are damaging your marriage because of divided feelings.

When you think about him, you should immediately substitute this thought: "It's over, done with, won't happen again, and it's wrong to think about him that way."

"I don't understand this."  It's called fantasy.

Focus on your husband.  The rewards will be far more significant.