What does it mean when my husband keeps looking at p**n secretly?

Question

I have caught my husband looking at p**n and masturbating he said he would stop and hasn't. He knows I don't have a big problem with looking at it, but he insists he hates it. Does he have the desire to cheat?? Is he not satisfied??

Answer 1

He probably doesn't want to cheat on you with another woman, but he certainly wants variety, or spice, or spontaneity, or something other than what he's getting now.

Try to figure out what it is (without asking him directly) and give it to him. For example, does he get excited over deep throating, or anal, or boob jacking or slapping etc.

Whatever it is, YOU give it to him so he doesn't go looking for it from another human.

Right now the computer screen is enough to get him off. Soon enough, it may not so he'll go looking.

Answer 2

He probably feels like he's living with his mother right now.  "I have caught my husband looking at p**n"  Stop being his mom and start being his wife.  Unless you want to create more distance between you.

Answer 3

Why is it a problem?  Trust me hun...just a guy thing.  Maybe he will learn something new and teach it to you!  Yay!

ADD:  Why the thumbs down?  Somebody is in denial!  :P

Answer 4

all or should i say most guys look at p**n. guys get the urge and lets face it you ladies are not always around, its not that he wants to cheat he just has to relieve himself.

Answer 5

It's the cliche "He's married, not dead".  I know it can make you feel insecure that he looks at p**n, but you have to understand guys don't look at p**n (figuratively) the same way you do.  Guys are more turned on by images, whereas women are sounds.  p**n and your marriage are two separate worlds, and just because a guy looks at a particular type of p**n doesn't mean that's what he wants in reality.

That's why he looks at girls too.  It's completely normal for him to do that, although a little discretion goes a long way with that.

It doesn't forgive him lying, but I have to ask why is he?  Is he afraid of your reaction?  Maybe if you're cool with it he'd be more open.

Also, p**n in the house isn't a problem unless he has a problem (much like alcohol isn't a problem unless the dweller is an alcoholic).  Unless he's looking at it for hours on end and it's diminished your intimacy, or he acts on his glances, it's not really a problem.

Answer 6

He needs more lovin he is using this other avenue because you do not jump his bones often enough.  Consider giving him some more action and just maybe this will stop.  Alot of men use p**n as a base to release sexual frustration usually that frustration is lack of s*x from there spouse.  It can lead to cheating but usually not take care of your man and just maybe he will not stray.

Answer 7

More likely he has intimacy issues.

Answer 8

hes embarrassed because hes a addicted pervert,

I treat married couples every day for p**n addiction, it ruins many relationships

Answer 9

unfortunately your husband probably has some level of sexual addiction. Sounds like he is in denial; if he could stop, why hasn't he?:

this situation gets worst before it gets better. He will eventually have to come to the end of himself. He will need to be the one that realizes that there is a problem with pornography and realize how much its affecting him and his marriage.

you will have to set boundaries on what you will accept and not accept regarding his sexual addiction! this is going to be hard and take some work (if you stick to the consequences that were set if boundaries are crossed)

at the same time i would suggest you learn more about sexual addiction and look at what you are up against.

he may not be physically cheating, however, he is still cheating if he is viewing p**n and masturbating!

be strong and try not to take it personal (i know its hard) he may try to make some lame excuses as to why he does it, or even try to blame you for his actions...don't fall for them! he has a problem that needs some serious attention!  

Answer 10

No. He doesn't have a desire to cheat. He has a desire to look at p**n. Is it causing you to go short? And how can you be telling him to stop something you don't have a big problem with?  

Answer 11

it means he is sneaking behind your back

Answer 12

Give him the choice, stop it or move out. It's infidelity. He feels guilty, because it is wrong. He is cheating on you.  

Answer 13

My husband always looks at p**n I also watch it with him! Its not a big deal, as long as you guys are still enjoying your s*x life than its ok.

If he doesn't get turned on by you than maybe there is a problem. but if he still gets hot with you than don't even worry about it.

I don't know why maybe I am crazy but I get turned on when my husband watches p**n. maybe I am just weird. :P

Answer 14

My guess is that it is not the women in the p**n that he is aroused by, it is most likely the way that they act out the s*x they perform. I doubt he wants to cheat on you but he might like to try a few new things but be too shy or embarrassed to bring them up to you. The other side of this is that he is a man and men like to look at s**y, hot, women... he does not do this instead of you... he does it on top of your s*x life... it is no indication of his attraction to you. I think he just needs to let his freak flag fly a bit.... he does not hate p**n, that much is obvious.

****MORE****

OK, so if he can't get it up then there may be a problem. He is either masturbating to the point where he was spent before s*x with you, or he is addicted to the images of p**n that he views and no has problems performing normally. I recommend that you talk to him and get him to a therapist while he may stay within reach of help and of restoring your marriage. Good Luck.

Answer 15

I agree with Peter N; you don't "catch" him, he is a grown man and many men do exactly the same thing. Since you state you don't have a big problem with it (meaning, you have a LITTLE problem with it?) why are you asking for meaning? He gets horny, he takes care of himself. He may be more satisfied if you don't sneak around spying on him and over analyzing his masturbation...you will definitely drive him to cheat with this current behavior, best advice for you is to back way off and be more feminine and more open sexually.

He doesn't hate it at all, he is just saying what he thinks YOU want to hear so you'll get off his back and stop nagging him.

Answer 16

I don't think that he has the desire to cheat but I don't think that he hates watching p**n or else he would have never watched it. He probably just said it like that because he knows that you don''t like it or that he probably doesn't know how you might react to it. I only caught my husband once watching p**n but he wasn't masturbating. Thank god. I know this because I check the history a lot and know when and what he looks at. Oh and no he doesn't know where to look at that stuff or how I found out. I just tell him that I'm not dumb and that I did take computer classes.