What does someone do in this situation ?

Question

My fiance and I have been together for 3 yrs and engaged for 1 yr. I'm not sure about when and if we are getting married because this relationship gives me a lot of stress. Long story short, I thought he was the one for me but now i'm starting to think twice. He does not like to plan anything at all. I try to talk to him about when are we going to set a wedding date , every time I ask him his reply ALWAYS changes my mood. He always replies" I don't know ", how after 3 yrs does he still not know. He says if I keep pressuring him I'm actually pushing him away . I haven't talked about marriage now for 6 months but every night when I'm at home laying in my bed I get really depressed thinking about my future with this man. I need to know what I should do. By the way he's 38 and divorced , I'm 29 and divorced. I think about my life every day and I want to get married and have kids, I have a great job and I make great money and so does he. Sometimes I think if I walk away from him I'll end up losing a good guy with a good heart, then sometimes I think I'll be his fiance for another 3 years. What is a person to do in this situation? Maybe someone will tell me something I'm just not seeing, Please help Me !!!

Answer 1

Maybe he is having second thoughts? After all he is 39 and already has been married. That relationship turned bad-maybe he just doesn't want to make the same mistake and have a second one go bad.  So he is just taking extra time and being extra sure that this is what he really wants.  Because who really wants to keep getting married and divorced all the time???  Sounds like you both are a little unsure about this.  

Answer 2

Well he proposed, right? He obviously wants to marry you. And if the only stress is not setting a wedding date yet, then set one yourself! Tell him, "I want to get married on ________." I guarantee he'll have no problem with it. Men expect the women to plan weddings...have fun with it and stop stressing!

Answer 3

unfortunately, sweetie, what you need to do is stop thinking about him and only thing of you. Obviously there is something not right. Maybe he's nervous, maybe he's just buying time. I can say that if he is nervous, he shouldnt be telling you youre pushing him away by asking, he should confide in you and you guys work through it together. Marriage is difficult as you well know. If you have even ONE question in your mind now, what will it be like down the road when it's taken all this time to either marry you, leave you, or marry him and then you leave him because he wasn't right. Best of luck sweetie! I hope you find the answer you are looking for. Huge hugs!

Answer 4

After talking about the same thing with him over and over it gets boring. It doesn't seem like he wants to be married. Well there more fish in the in sea. Move on. It doesn't seem to want a family or want to be married.

Answer 5

You could tell him to either sh*t or get off the pot,lol. Actually I went through this when I was engaged to my second husband, ( the first I divorced because of his cheating ways ), it was the same for me at that time, I just acted like nothing was wrong and started not to wear my engagement ring anymore, it took him a little while to notice finally. But when he did bring up the subject about why I was not wearing my ring, I let him know why I decided not to wear it and the real reason why.I told him if he kept ignoring me and blowing things off about setting a date and getting going on making the wedding arrangements and not taking things seriously or my feelings into consideration, then "why should I wear the ring?" I also told him when he decided to discuss the wedding, thats when I'll start wearing my ring again, he took my words very seriously with a perplexed look on his face, he had tears welling up in his eyes at the time, I distinctly remember, the look on his face, I actually felt bad that I had to do that to him, but it did work and he did apologize over and over again, telling me that he had no idea how much it was hurting me. Good luck :)  

Answer 6

First off, if your engaged you should be talking and thinking about the wedding. Unless you wanted a long engagement, you should be planning it and have a date and a venue set!!

Second, if your having second thoughts at all and this person brings you down, I would consider giving the ring back. Really.....

The way it is now is the way it's going to be when you get married. If your not happy now, a wedding isn't going to make things better. Think of yourself right now. Allow yourself to be selfish and do only for your own good. He may be a good man, but maybe just not the right one for you. Good luck!  

Answer 7

tell him you think it's time you start seeing other people.  if you live together, start looking for a one bedroom apartment for you alone.  or if your parents are cool, talk to them about moving back in with them.

tell him that you are feeling very conflicted about your relationship, that you feel that being intimate without being married is not the way you want to live.  if you have some religious background, then become more involved.

he is stringing you along.  you are too young and have too much to offer to waste your time of something that 'maybe" will happen.

make plans to move away (without actually splitting ujp with him).  and then see what happens next.  you might meet someone amazing in the meantime.

if you are 29, you should not be wasting your time on a 38 year old divorced man.  he couldn't make it work the first time, most likely he is not so perfect as a choice for a spouse.

Answer 8

Maybe he is just scared since his last marriage didn't work. If you really love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him you might need lots of patience. Also maybe going to talk to someone might help. Or just ask him yourself what is going on but in a nice comfortable way. Good Luck

Answer 9

I dont get how you can call this guy your fiance and be engaged for a year without a wedding date. Did he just buy you a ring to get you off his back or?  

Answer 10

Its your life so therefore no decision can be made except by you. You claim he's a good man yet you remain unhappy. That can only mean that the possibility of you remaining unhappy in marriage is a distinct possibility.

To complicate it more you may have kids from it as a result.  There is no easy solution to this. Life never holds all the answers. I've made several decisions in my life regarding career, love, relationships and such and it never pays to look back and second guess yourself. If you go with it and marry...whenever the h**l that might be......then you have to take the good with the bad. its just that now you have to work hard at keeping it together because after making a decision that is that life altering I would think you'd want to put forth every ounce of effort to make it work.

On the other hand you can end it and eventually find somene else. That may pan out quite well and you can't think "What would have happened if I had married so and so instead of my present husband?" You can drive yourself crazy.

So weigh the odds. Good and bad and make a decision. It's all you can really do.