The History Teacher by Billy Collins
Trying to protect his student's innocence
he told them the ice age was really just
the Chilly Age, a period of a million years
when everybody had to wear sweaters.
And the Stone Ages became the Gravel Age,
named after the long driveways of the time.
The Spanish Inquisition was nothing more
than an outbreak of questions such as
"How far is it from here to Madrid?"
"What do you call a Matador's hat?"
The War of the Roses took place in a garden,
the the Enola g*y dropped one tiny atom
on Japan.
The children would leave his classroom
for the playground to torment the weak
and the smart,
mussing up their hair and breaking their glasses.
while he gathered up his notes and walked home
past flower beds and white picket fences,
wondering if they would believe that soldiers
in the Boer War told long, rambling stories
designed to make the enemy nod off.
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