What else can we do with a 12 yr old that lies, steals, ect??

Question

We have a 12 yr old daughter and despite all our best efforts. (grounding, taking things away, making her appologize, as well as sending a letter of appology, giving extra chores, being with me 24/7 (thank goodness my job allows it), and even spanking as a last resort. IDK what else to do with her when she continues to do these things. She knows its wrong, she says she's sorry and then will do it again and again. She wont talk to anyone, she has been in counseling, yet she continues this destructive behavior.........help....any suggestions?

Answer 1

oh my. well..i dot know! i am almost 14

but i think maybe..since you said your job allows you to be with her all the time...try homeschooling. you might already do this. but she can get into the school 'Agora" its a cyber school. she will be sent a FREE computer along with all of the books and teacher guides for FREE. you dont have to pay a cent. i was in it i liked it. also 'K12' but agora is better. a lot of people will say "oh my goodness. spanking! that is child abuse. how could you do that?!?" well that is what you have to do! as long as you arent like beating them with a baseball bat, its ok! my mom just calls them 'love taps!' but i have a bad nephew, i will hit his butt sometimes. but it sets him in place. (he has a punching problem!!)

ok here i am going on about me!

does she drink soda or eat a lot of sweets? i know this sounds weird but cut down on the sweets and COMPLETELY get rid of the soda

this is usally for smaller children but when my sister had crazy sreaming fits, my dad would stick her in a cold shower with all her clothes on. she stopped! but your dughter is probley too old for that

what exactly is her behavior? is she mouthing off...or physically abusing...or something else? you really need to give her a good punishment. because someday someone will put her in place if you dont. allright. for maybe 2 weeks, try this:

no tv

no ipod

not phone

no hanging out with anyone

more chores

her helping with the shopping and cooking.

spending MORE time with her (take her to eat. do stuff together. she maybe just thinks that no one cares. teens have minds of their own! i should know!! haha)

oh! get her a fish and make her take care of it!

haha

i ddont know

i just keep blabbing

but i hope i helped a little

i think she is maybe trying to get attention. and putting her in counseling probley made her worse..she probely continues doing it becaus ehse knows it bothers you.

Answer 2

Boot camp. Sounds harsh, but it would be for her own good and she'll end up thanking you when she gets older. Do it soon before she destroys her future.

Answer 3

I think she probably needs consistancy.  Most children do.  So I would say that you should probably talk to her father, decide together what the rules will be and what will be the consequences for breaking those rules.  Write it all down.  Then call your daughter to a meeting with all parents involved so that she understands that there is no way to play one against the other or get out of following the rules/punishment.

My children are a bit younger but we were having the same problem.  The constant repeativeness of the exact same bad behavior.  So we sat our children down around the table, explained each rule and what the consequence will be should they decide to break that rule.  (I.E. If Sally tells a lie she will get her mouth washed out with soap.  OR If Jane refuses to eat her dinner, she will not get a bed time snack.)

Try to make each punishment fit the circumstance if possible.  Think about how she would be handled as an adult if she had done these things.  For example, she's stealing...if she was an adult she would go to jail.  So tell her she's restricted for a specific length of time...no TV. no radio.  no telephone.  no computer.  No electronics period.  Tell her that she is to come home from school, finish her homework, shower, and read a book until dinner. After dinner, send her to bed.  This is pretty much how her life would be if she were sitting in jail for theft.  You could even say to write out the definition of theft or cite certian laws for theft out of a law book for your state instead of reading a book.  

Just remember that you will have to communicate with her father and make sure that everyone involved is consistent.

Answer 4

Ok I used to be a bad kid. I drank, smoked, and got into fights at school when I was still in middle school. My parents sent me to a private school in hopes of reforming me, but the kids there where just as bad if not worse and provided me with more self distruction. Do you want to know what did it for me? An English teacher, Mrs. Matoon, told me I was a talented writer and had great promise and gave me hope for my future and a new outlet that I didn't even know existed before. What is your daughter passionet about? Does she like music, art, sports, extt....Find out and encourage her to use her talents in those areas. She may be lost or angry or useing bad behavior to get attention like I was, but once you give her a different out let and new hope for what she is and how she can benifit from those intrests you will see a big difference in how she moves through life.

Answer 5

well from the point of view of a fourteen year old, all of those punishments will only make her rebel more. trust me. im thinking that because you and her father are divorced, she is acting this way. she wants attention, and she is scarred from the divorce.

stop with these stupid, unnaffective punishments, dont get a therapist (she'll feel like a mental case). talk to her, but dont sound like an over concerned parent. just, "hun, you know its been hard for me (assuming it has with a divorce). why cant we just agree that you tone it down a little, and ill cut you some slack too. alright?"

if this isnt affective, you could almost take a risk and ignore these things she does if possible. she may just subconsciously want attention.

good luck!

(:

Answer 6

Wow that is a tough one. She might have to go to some sort of boot camp or something, and make her visit with the local police department. Have them scare her the next time she steals something. She is almost too old for a spanking, but I might give that a try one more time. She would also be grounded unitl she proved to me that she could be trusted

Answer 7

Yikes, that sounds like a tough situation.  First of all, I would be sure that communication with the father was clear so he could use the same practices.  If he isn't willing to do so, try to terminate his visitation with your child.  I do think you are doing all the right things, and I would also continue seeking proffessional help, if need be.  Also, maybe you could try to find a mentor for her?  When I say mentor I mean someone around high-school age that she might be able to relate to at this point in her life.  These are really all the ideas that I have, so hopefully something helps!

Answer 8

You and your daughter need family counseling.  

You also need to establish a behavior plan in which she knows the consequences, pro and con, of her actions.  Those consequences need to be consistently enforced.

Forget the idea of boot camp.  Nothing will happen in boot camp other than emotional and physical abuse.  You send her there with behavior problems.  She would return emotionally scarred.