What else should i put in my cover letter?

Question

Tomorrow i will be sending out my CV to various retail shops, and i'm currently stuck on what else i should write in my cover letter. What else should i put in it/what should i take out/what improvements are needed?

Any help you could give would be greatly appreciated!:

Dear Sir/Madam,

Before continuation of my education onto university, I am interested in working at Boots in a retail sales position during my gap year. Whilst I appreciate that you are not currently advertising any job vacancies, I hope to work for your company and have enclosed copy of my CV for your attention.

While i have no experience within retail, I am very eager to learn and be a part of your business, and i believe my previous experience working within a primary school has given me the patience and maturity needed if i were to ever deal with an unsatisfied customer.

Answer 1

If you were the manager in Boots would you hire you?

Think like the employer and say what they want to hear.

In this case, paraphrasing a little, you work hard, you're flexible with hours, you're knowlegable about products, you're excellent with people, helpful, courteous, you are reliable and trustworthy, you learn quick, you want to learn about xyz (there has to be something in it for you as well, else it's a sad waste of a gap year). What are you doing at college - if it is relevant say so. And if you can say something specific about the store, it will show a little initiative.

Answer 2

You said that you "have enclosed a copy of your CV"...why would you enclose the cover letter?  You need to enclose a resume...I think your cover letter needs a lot of work to be honest...It's not very memorable and it doesn't catch the attention of the reader...

Answer 3

I find this letter a bit wordy and round about and providing info that may not be necessary - sorry to say that

I think you need to simplify

and is 'gap year' a regular term that employers would have to wrinkle up their forehead and wonder where u got it from - if so don't use phrases that cause employers stress

Answer 4

any experience of handling money (like just school crisp money or library fines or something)?

instead of saying that you hope to work for them ask them to keep your cv on file should a suitable post become available that you could apply for.

they may not hold cvs on file tho and just rely on ads in local press (might be worth ringing first and checking)

is it just Boots you want to work for? if you're after retail experience you might be luckier in a supermarket

john lewis do a training course for ppl who want to go into retail (you have to get a job with them first obviously) but it's pretty good

good luck

Answer 5

Don't focus on areas you fall short in. Instead of saying that you have no experience in retail instead point out experiences in life that would relate to retail. Maybe you helped friends/family on deciding which item to buy, etc..

Also, focus on building yourself up. Take anything and everything relating to the job and throw it in there. Not only do you need to be good with customers in retail but you need to be good with communication.

Just remember to always build yourself up and never state your short-comings.

Answer 6

I would defintiely take out the part about not currently advrertising job vacancies, and the part about having no retail experience....stay positive in your letter.  I also don't like the ever deal with a an unsatisfied  customer part.  I'd just say the patience and maturity necessary for customer service.  I would also point out any experience you have handling money, or that would show your ability to handle cash transactions.  

You can add what type of an employee you think you will be too...are you hardworking, reliable, able to multi task?

Try checking out the templetes below.

Answer 7

You need to come up with a reason in which you will be an asset to their organization. If nothing else, that you are willing to work any hours, any weekends, holidays, and can be available to fill in on a moments notice. Something like that. Businesses thrive on those, if you are willing of coarse.