What ever happened to teaching children table manners?

Question

I am a teacher, and have been noticing lately that children have no table manners. When I ask the kids in my class to not put their elbows on the table, etc, they tell me their parents allow it. I was out recently at a restaurant and took notice of neighboring tables. it seems common etiquette has gone away. What happened? Is this "just the way it is now?"

Answer 1

Perhap parents are:

1. Overworked. Multi-tasking and distracted, they simply don't pay attention to their children ... when the family does eat together.

2. Poorly educated themselves. We are reaping the whirlwind. Poor manners were taught a generation ago, when the family dining together watched TV together, instead of taking the opportunity to instill manners, thoughtfulness and civility.

We are at a watershed period in our culture. Loutishness and boorishness have been abetted and encouraged by public persons (celebrities), the entertainment media, and a general malaise.

Answer 2

An English teacher once commented about the same thing in my sister's class. Thing is that most of the students probably ate sitting down on the floor. It just shows how ignorant someone can be. Elbows on the table would not infringe others space unless the kid was half lying on the table with his elbows spread out. Like my nephew does while eating outside. Rests his chin next to the plate, spreads his elbows out and stuffs his mouth. I always say I won't sit next to him. And keep asking him to sit up and eat.

Answer 3

this question is as old as time. I bet 50 yrs. ago people were asking the same general types of questions. you know, kids do this or that nowadays no respect, the way they dress etc. It"s a timeless statement that is really more of a lament rather than a question.

Answer 4

It's hard to not put your elbows on the table, and nobody has had that rule in ages. My parents certainly didn't. They had a reason for every rule.

Don't chew with your mouth open, it grosses people out.

Don't take food, it makes people mad.

Don't take too many seconds, or others will go hungry.

Say please and thank you, it's polite.

Don't stuff your face, that's nasty.

Don't put your elbows on the table, because...

It looks sloppy and lazy. Isn't parenting 101 to teach their children that it's what is inside that counts? And besides, you become more relaxed, which makes you a nicer person. And if you're taking up space, another person can say,"Hey can you scootch a lil so I have room," and a child will. But if they're at their desks, it is their space.

BECAUse WHY?! o.O

Answer 5

I don't see this as a huge problem.  Perhaps my father or mother would.  I will say that there are definitely kids that are not taught to be respectful and polite, but that isn't quite the same thing you are complaining about.

You are complaining about failure to abide by rules that, as said in an earlier answer, are not always rules with a purpose.

The main reason for these behavioral norms is to make interpersonal interaction operate smoothly.  Elbows on the table ranks up there with rules about napkin placement on the lap, never using your fingers to eat, and which utensils (cutlery) to use with which particular course of a meal.  They are rules that have a snobbery aspect to them, a Victorian elitism, but no real social lubrication qualities.

Please and thank you, sincerely meant, have a purpose.  Opening the door for someone with full arms has a purpose.  Opening the door for a woman doesn't, unless she is old and struggling, or pregnant and struggling, or has full arms.  I will open the door or hold the door open if I am there, for anyone, that is simply the polite or obliging thing to do.

Elbows on the table is like children should be seen but not heard.  No relevance.  I don't think it shows disrespect for anyone or causes anyone to suffer unwantedly, and therefore is not a rule that is important.  It is a rule like "never where white after labor day".

No disrespect intended, just putting forth my view.

Answer 6

its no big deal. only royal stuck up rich famlies practice the "pretend like you dont have elbows-table-manners" there is nothing wrong with putting your elbows on the table, as long as youre not mean about it.

Answer 7

I'm adament about table manners and manners in general.  We were just at a birthday party on Saturday, and all the kids at the table started burping in unision.  All I had to do was shoot a look at my son and he didn't even dare.

Answer 8

If it were only just elbows on the table!

How many times have you been at a restaurant and heard a child screaming at the top of their lungs or running around the tables like a proverbial red Indian?

How many times have you seen their parents engaged in conversation and seemingly oblivious to their horrible brats?

Too many people from the past two or three generations have chosen to refrain from actual parenting.  Too busy is not an excuse.  Don't judge them is a cop out.

If they are going to burden society with their progeny, they need to take personal responsibility.  It doesn't "take a village."  It merely takes good parents.

Answer 9

Unfortunately yes. Parents are lazy, don't want to be bothered and are more focused on being pals and contemporaries with their kids so we have a generation of rude obnoxious self centered brats growing up now. When I was a child we had excellent manners and woe betide us if we forgot them! We also had books on the Goops, a cartoon family with no manners and that was one way we learned what we could do and what we could not do, pity they don't have these books in schools. They still sell them on Amazon though so some people are trying!

EDIT: Ashleigh is a prime example of what I meant about the "quality" of kids growing up today...

Answer 10

My 12 and 9 year old daughters sometimes invite friends for dinner. I am nearly always speechless with disgust when I see them clutching their forks with their right fists, lowering their faces towards  the plate and throwing the food into their mouths while their left arms lie full length on the table, curved around the plate.

My daughters put their hands under the table, hold their knives and forks correctly and in the correct hands, put them down to chew, and do not speak with their mouths full. They use napkins, and do not slouch. They can tell the difference between fish knives and forks and ordinary, and dessert spoons and forks - and they eat their pudding with both spoon and fork, as it should be done. The television is turned off and closed into its cabinet, and the girls are expected to join in the conversation around the table.

The thing is, once you know how to do it properly, you can have dinner with the Queen, and not be ashamed. And you can always tone it down to suit the company. But if you can eat only like an ignorant animal, there will come a day when you go to a proper dinner, and you will not know how to eat nicely. As a result,  you will feel ashamed of yourself and so inadequate and unsure.

You choose what you want for your children. If all you want is for them to work on a building site or a checkout, then fine, forget their education. They probably won't need it, if that's all you see them as being able to do. I on the other hand, am not quite so unambitious. I'll give them the very best education I can, and they'll take it from there. That includes being presentable.

Edit: Honest Freakin etc, etc - if you want to be one of the new  Philistines, that is your choice, but you will be condemning your children to remain that way.

Aunt Tilly, in the literal sense, you are right. What it means however is that if you educate them to be thick, uncultivated layabouts, then thick, uncultivated layabouts they will become and stay.

The question is not essentially about table manners at school, if you read it carefully; the essence is about whether parents teach table manners, and whether they are relevant.

The questioner also mentions a visit to a restaurant. I assume that it was not some awful hamburger place, and that the people she refers to were adults and children.

Answer 11

Society has changed over the last generation.  I don't think parents are too lazy to teach their children manners.  I think the opposite - they are too busy.  Fifty years ago the average mother did not have to work, so she was able to devote all of her time to the children.  These days our families are doing good if they manage to all sit down together to have a meal once a day.   As a working mother, I am able to spend approximately 2 hours per day with my children, and most of that is spent doing homework, making dinner, and giving baths.  My kids aren't animals, they chew with their mouths closed, and they know how to act out in public, but do they occasionally put their elbows on the table?  Sure they do - they're kids.  If that's the worst thing my kids do, then I think I am doing pretty darn good.  

Some of the answers on this thread have been very judgemental.  Try not to judge a parent until you have walked a mile in their shoes.

ETA: Dicko, while you should be very proud of your daughters' table manners, I hardly think that a school cafeteria compares to having tea with the Queen.  I also think it is a stretch to insinuate that a person will be an uneducated construction worker because they do not have excellent table manners.

Mariner31, in your answer you said "I would suppose parents now blame it on the stresses of "dual-careers" or some such tripe. I would blame it on poor training OF and BY the parents."  Please explain how the stress of dual-careers is "tripe"?  I mean no disrespect, but did your mother work outside the home?  If so, how did she find the time to drill manners into you?  Did you enjoy having to be drilled?  I get 2 hours a day with my 3 kids, and I prefer not to "drill" them on anything.  I guide them, and correct their bad habits, but I would never stab them with a fork.  That's abusive, and much worse than having bad manners.

Answer 12

haha my family dont even eat at a table. we eat in front of the tv!

who cares if yuo put your elbows on the table. i think you should not judge people when they dont obey old ridiculous rules from 50 years ago.

Answer 13

You must be a peach to have for a teacher...who cares if children put their elbows on the table?  How about putting some of that anal energy of yours into teaching reading or math...I think that would make our children much more acceptable humans in the future.

Answer 14

Since I split my time between two countries, I certainly notice the lack here in the USA.  I would suppose parents now blame it on the stresses of "dual-careers" or some such tripe.  I would blame it on poor training OF and BY the parents.  Too many meals are eaten "on-the-go" or worse yet, in front of the TV>

As a young lad in the 60's, my parents drilled manners into us nightly... as well as the proper placement and use of flatware, china, and glassware.  We also learned the DIFFERENT table-manners that go with certain international locations and cuisine.

My Mother trained us with the axiom "What would the QUEEN think if she saw you?".   Dad with the rule of "Don't disobey your Mother!"... elbows were dealt with by Dad's FORK.

My Parents passed long ago, but MY children grew up dining at the same kitchen and dining table (my inheritance)... I cooked from many of the same recipes, and enforced the same rules.  Now I have my Grandson almost ready to transition from the high-chair to the dining table.