What exactly should I say.I have just gone into a new relationship with a man younger than me.?

Question

I am a divorcee and he's really helped to try and put my past behind me. He's been everything I need in man, at least I thought so because now am not sure. When we set out he talked briefly about his ex and that they were through though he mentioned that the lady has failed to move on and keeps on visiting him. I didn't want to put him under pressure by asking him to stop her abruptly because she's also had bruises from her past relationship which of course did not bother me until today when I found a text message on my phone that he sent to her a few days ago calling her his baby and all the sweet nothings. I asked him and he says he doesn't know how to tell her that he has moved on without hurting her considering what she's been through. Now he wants to know what am thinking of and I don't know what to say. I have no idea if what he is saying is true or not and am not scared to end this relationship before I get too attached and again I don't want to just throw it away, please give me a basis for whatever decision you think I should make. I particularly avoided to say anything because I wanted to consult and I want my reaction and words to put a permanent stop to any similar incident in future.

Answer 1

Maybe he is telling the truth but I would be very cautious.  If he wants to be with you he should have the guts to tell his ex he has moved on.  He might not want to hurt his ex's feeling but has he stopped to consider how you must be feeling after finding this text message.  If he is using your phone to text her those type of messages (which seems strange) then ask him to text her to tell her he has moved on.

Maybe he wanted you to find the message so that you would end the relationship.

Whatever you decide good luck but be careful not to be hurt x

Answer 2

I would give him a chance to tell her he is with someone else warn him say if he dont you will see how he reacts surely stringing another girl along only to fine out he has been seeing someone else would hurt her more anyway

Answer 3

Hmmmmm, I smell a very fishy fish here I am afraid.

If you two are supposed to be in a loving relationship, he should be open and honest with her. He quite clearly has something to hide. From both of you.

If it was me, I would be walking away until he was ready to be totally honest. It may be that he never is. In which case you are well out of it.

I wish you luck.

Answer 4

He sounds like the maker of good deed!  He pulled the same c**p with you, helping you through, and NOW he's using the same story about his ex.

DUMP him NOW beofre you have too many feeling and other things invested!!  He's a user.

Experience:  Benn there done that!!!

Answer 5

Sounds like he's keeping his options open to me...he is a 'man' afterall...

Answer 6

Sorry but you need to dump him.  His is stringing both of you along and feeling like 'Jack the Lad'.  I hope you have developed a busy social life with your friends. If not then do so.  

Answer 7

Well this guy is very stupid!  He used your phone to send his  ex a text message calling her his baby and all the sweet nothings?  Now that is one smart dude!  NOT!!  If I were you...I would severe this relationship right now....If there is even a remote possibility that he still have feelings for this ex...you are wasting your time with him....

Answer 8

You are tagging up with loose fittings that will not tighten down the hatch.

A Policeman with no stick.

A Fireman without a hose.

If you are not number one in his life then your number two.

To get number one you need to find a very large man and he obviously is very small.

Answer 9

I think you should move on from this relationship.  Obviously this woman still means a lot to him or he wouldn't be so concerned about her feelings.  Of course I'm not saying he should be mean or rude to her, but a simple "Listen, I've found someone else and am no longer interested, please stop contacting me" isn't too much to ask.  It's apparent that he'd rather string her along than "hurt her feelings" even if it means lying to her AND you, and also playing both of you at the same time.

If I were you I'd tell him that you're sorry, but you simply cannot continue to have a relationship with someone who feels the need to lie about you to others!  Tell him that you care for him and do enjoy his company, however you don't want to be strung along and simply are not comfortable with him interacting with this other woman in this way.

Unless of course you enjoy him playing the both of you.  If that's something you think you can live with than by all means stay with this man -- however I think you deserve much better!

Good luck.

Answer 10

I always see a red flag when someone is still in close contact with an ex. To me that implies that one or both of them are not really accepting that the realtionship is no longer alive.  

Answer 11

hmm.  unfortunately, i would say that you need to table this relationship for now.  his ex is not over him, and he is not over his ex.  his declaration that he wants to "spare her feelings" is bunk.  how is he sparing her feelings by telling this woman sweet nothings, while at the same time having the intention of ending things with her and being with you?  at the least, he's being dense, at the worst he's being cruel.  this relationship doesn't seem like it has a future right now as he is playing both sides.  i wouls tell this guy that you like him, but you cannot be with him right now as he is in this state of limbo with this woman.