What goes around comes around twist?

Question

Two years ago I found out my husband of ten years was having an affair. I divorced him. I always thought when I heard "what goes around comes around" he would do the same to her or vice versa. But about ten months ago a friend of mine separated from his wife. We have been friends for 6 years. He helped me through my divorce and I have tried to be there for him through his. Honestly just friends. A group of us went away this weekend and we both acknowledged our feelings went deeper. We also both acknowledged that we have a lot of baggage! He needs to finalize his divorce, we both have kids and exes, etc. But we also believe we can have a great relationship. So...how do I proceed? Or do I? I know how I felt when I found out my ex was seeing someone else and I do not want to put someone else through that. However, he and his wife agreed to separate because they were not happy. I am so confused! What would you do??

Answer 1

Let him take care of his situation first, be there for him but do not get involved...yet !!

Answer 2

Good instincts. Agree to keep in touch. That means no weekends. No every-day calls. Maybe just a weekly update. If he's really "finalizing" his divorce, it won't be that long. If you think this is THE ONE (okay - the next one), tell him you really think this could be good, that mid-divorce is a bad time to lock it in, and to keep after that divorce and get it done so the two of you can find out. But move with due consideration that there can be problems picking up with another right after a divorce. Your both adults. make adult choices.  

Answer 3

You let him finish the relationship with his wife before starting one with you. He may be lonely or on the rebound or whatever. He needs to be alone for a while and close this chapter. Let him know you will be here for him but for now you are going to keep your distance.

Answer 4

As long as he is married, keep your distance physically.  Let him know you'll be waiting for him after his divorce.  It's difficult, but it's for the best.

Answer 5

"Seperation" and "Divorce" are two different animals.

Cool your jets. Once all is said and done then you have the green light.

Think of this: You and he get together and s***w like bunnies day in and day out. He promises to follow through and then *wham*....he decdes he has to reconcile with the wife.

How do you think that'll make you feel, huh?

Simply put but made clear I believe.

Answer 6

The main thing is the reason for the separation:  does the wife think that they are working on reconciling or is this the separation while they wait for the divorce to finalize?

I'd wait until his divorce is final then there won't be any gray or muddy areas for you to worry about.

Answer 7

Please WAIT.  I have done this and it is bound to end in disaster.  There are two seperations that happen in divorce ....first is the physical and the second is the emotional.  The former may happen before the latter actually catches up.  To be honest, he is not "available".  He does not have the energy emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually to be in the past and present at the same time.  If you get involved, you will suffer through this baggage.  Better for him to sort through it and find his bearings than to drag you down into the muck with him.  This is not a healthy way to begin a relationship.  You don't need to be in the middle of his dealings with his ex....You don't need to be involved taking care of him, the kids, the ex, the divorce...and it will drain you emotionally.  It will take far more from you than it will give.   He needs to be at a place where he can give to you more than he takes...please do not enter this one...STOP now...keep your distance and proceed only after his divorce is finalized...preferably a few months afterward.    

Answer 8

To make it fair to all, wait.  Wait till he is divorced to pursue any type of relationship.  He needs time to heal from is divorce and you don't want to be the one that keeps them from maybe working things out.  Just stay friends for now you both have things that need to be finalized first.

Answer 9

Oh, lady,,,, get your head together. The simple fact that you are asking the question, should be somewhat of a "clue"!!   do you have any morals, or a heart???  Karma does exist, if you do this when you know how much it hurts, I hope you get every thing you deserve. He sounds like such a winner too. Women need to stick together, whatever happened to the idea of doing the right thing. I garantee you, this relationship won't last anyway, and you will suffer overwhelming guilt, and it will be well deserved. Don't hurt someone else, just cause this feels good for the moment!!  Thats just way too low!!

Answer 10

If your both sincere about your attraction to each other,I suggest you remain just friends until he's actually divorced,& you can go on with a clear concience that you were never inappropriate.

Answer 11

WAit until his diovrce is final to even THINK about moving forward. If you are concerned with baggage, this is a great place to start. Put some distance and time between you. Only when you are both free and clear (separation is NOT free and clear) can you consider a relationship - begiinning with friendship. I t could be that you are merely clinging to what is familiar and not really "love" material. Once the dust has settled, only then can you proceed. There are also children to consider and i would NOT involve them until you are sure this is someone who will be in their lifes, and not merely passing thru.  

Answer 12

Tell him that you would LOVE to go out on  a date with him 6 months after his divorce is final!

If the feelings are there they will be there 6 months after his divorce is final too!

What is the hurry?

Answer 13

Wait until his divorce is final before you do anything. You both can still see each other just no in that way. Good Luck:)