What happened to big families being a good thing?

Question

I have 4 Kids and i am curious why people treat big families like the plegue? And it seems like i get dirty looks cause i have 4 and i am only 26? Someone even said to me "haven't you ever heard of birth control"? What the heck? I wanted a big family, I love my kids and my husband takes VERY good care of us!

I always get asked "your gonna stop having kids now right?"

I am told often that i am a good mom, and we aren't on welfare, so what's the big deal with me having a lot of kids?

Answer 1

People will always have negative things to say, so pay them no minds! Next time when you run into the same situation just tell them off and tell them your Life and children isn't their Business! Do what's best for you and your Family!

Answer 2

People historically had a lot of children because they owned property, farms and ranches which required a lot of assistance to run and it was cheaper to exploit the labor of your children than it was to hire additional hands.  Secondly, people had a lot of children because health care was virtually non-existent or very poor and the majority of children died before the age of 2.  In fact, many parents didn't even name their children until they survived past their second summer because naming them forged more of a connection and it was harder when they died.  

People shouldn't judge you for having a large family.  It's your decision, it's your choice.  

The only thing I would recommend is to make sure that you are not completely dependent on your husband.  keep up with your education or with career training, volunteer, work part-time, and keep a record of working throughout your life.  In the event of a divorce or a tragedy where your husband is lost, this will assist you in providing for your family and will provide a safety net so that you're not completely destitute.  Also, if you manage to work, even if it's part time, when it is time to retire then you will be eligible for social security as well which is another safety net in old age.  

Women who depend totally and completely on their husbands have, in the past, found themselves living in dire poverty when, for whatever reason, the man left.  Please don't let that happen to you or your children.  That would be my only suggestion.

If someone gives you attitude, ask them, "well, which one do you think I should have aborted?"  That will shut them up.

Peace,

Jenn

Answer 3

People who say c**p like that probably didn't get hugged as a child!

Answer 4

I have noticed the same thing, but have assumed that it's a regional and generational thing.

My great grandma was one of 9 kids. My grandma had 6 kids, and then one of her daughters had 6 kids as well. On the other side, my dad's dad was one of 13 kids. I used to want 7 kids, and people were always telling me that I was absolutely crazy and couldn't believe it. I'd respond that 7 was only 1 more than 6 (which isn't totally uncommon) and that I was just adhering to family traditions. That was never taken seriously.

Since I originally grew up in Texas and moved to Oregon during my teen years, I associated this response with the fact that in the south it's more acceptable to have more kids where family is valued more highly. And, if that's not the case, or possibly in conjunction with that, it was more acceptable to have large families long ago (especially in farming communities) whereas people don't understand it anymore.

What baffles me is that I am talking about 6+ kids while you are talking about merely 4 kids. That is absolutely ridiculous to me that you would be treated such a way, yet I believe wholeheartedly that it happens all of the time because I've seen such behavior.

What made people think that the amount of kids you have is any of their business?! As long as you love your kids and can care for them financially, you can have as many kids as God blesses you with!!! :-)

Answer 5

i think people don't respect "big" families because our society teaches us that children are a burden, a liability, etc. our society has gotten so far from the Bible that we have forgotten that children are blessings from God.

Answer 6

God bless you. If everyone were more like you and your husband the world would be a better place.

The way I look at it - you and your husband EARNED the right to have as many kids as you want.

Answer 7

A lot of people cant afford it b/c the economy is getting bad.  I myself would love a big family but its just not in our budget!!!  Those that are saying these things need to mind their own business....your paying for it, your giving birth, and not asking for their help so they should keep the negative things to themselves.

Answer 8

The reasoning behind the sentiment you are encountering is that if every couple had 4 kids, then each generation would have twice as many people as the previous generation, and overpopulation would spiral out of control.

On the other hand, just because you are doing it, it of course *doesn't* mean that everyone is.

Answer 9

Big families were never a good thing.  It's just that there were a lot more big families in the past.  What isn't obvious to some parents of big families is that the children, especially in the middle, do not get the attention they deserve and more often, the resources they should otherwise get.  Basically, you are having these kids for YOUR sake, not for their sake.

I have absolutely no issues with you having 4 kids.  I think it's great.  If my folks had stuck with just having 4 kids, I think things would have been far better for ALL of us, not just some.  

Finally, I would add that you are going to get comments because you are also outside the societal norm. My one grandmother could only have one child - spent most of her life defending herself about it. She would have been happy to adopt, but my grandfather was against it.

Answer 10

back in the days when people HAD to have large families to take care of the farm, etc. it wasn't frowned upon.... now a days it's kind of ridiculous to have that many kids.... can you honestly say that if every one of your kids wanted to go to harvard you could afford their tuition? i don't think people plan for those types of things anymore they just want the kids because "kids are so amazing.... " so by taking VERY GOOD CARE of your kids you mean downgrading to a community college instead of an ivy league because that's the very best of what your husband can afford? I, personally do not ever want kids and I think 2 is PLENTY for any family. The world is overpopulated as it is and if you aren't planning to make them the most productive people in the world then I don't understand the point? There's already millions of orphans and millions of people on welfare because they won't stop having kids that aren't anything more than wastes of my tax dollars. Maybe I need to speak to someone personally on why they want however many kids they want......

Answer 11

You are going to encounter rude people whatever you do.  

If you have one child, people will wonder when you're going to 'give your child a sibling.'

If you have 2 of the same s*x, they will ask if you plan to try again.

If you have 3 or more, you will hear rude remarks about THAT.

The choice is yours.  If you want a large family, and can provide 4 children with material necessities and plenty of love, then there is nothing wrong with it.  

(I am one of 4 children. I was born in the 1960's, and knew only a handful of kids who had more than one sibling.  So the idea that large families 'used to be' routine is not correct. (My father has 6 siblings.  My mother has one.) Even back before there was reliable birth control, while most women would give birth to 4+ children, high infant/child mortality rates meant that few households had more than 2 or 3 living children.

Answer 12

Do you find that you get more dirty looks and negative comments when your husband isn't out with you guys? People like to assume and if he's not around when you guys are out they might assume that you are a single mom and that all these kids have a different dad. No, it's not fair or right but it will happen. Just pay no mind to their comments. It's their problem not yours. Enjoy having a big family and enjoy life.

Answer 13

I am 26 and I have 4 kids too!!!

I don't understand it either. All of my kids have the same father, we have been married for 7 (almost 8) years, he has a good job, I just don't get it. I still get some looks when I go to the grocery store.

People really need to mind their own business and stop being so judgemental. All that really matters is that you are a good and loving mom. Age and number of kids has nothing to do with it!

Answer 14

the ppl whining about you having a "big" <snort> family probably turn around and in their next breath whine about "all them immigrants taking jobs from honest [americans/canadians/whatevers]".

i was one of three children.

my mother was one of two.

her mother was one of thirteen (12 girls, one boy!).

my father is one of 9 (1 girl only)

my hubbie is one of ten.

between us, hubbie and i have five kids - 2 mine (22 and 19), 2 his (18 and 15), 1 ours (15mo).  we would have more but i miscarry a lot.  i'm hoping to have at least one more but miscarrying for the third time has freaked him out even though i'm used to it by now.

Answer 15

People just need to mind their own business!!  What goes on in someone elses house should be none of their concern.  I have 2 kids.  (I'm  27) and I'm pregnant with #3.  I am very happy and so is my husband.  I have 2 sisters and 1 brother.  Both of my parents come from rather large families.  My maternal grandparents had 12 kids and my paternal grandparents had 15 kids!  Just don't listen to peoples stupid comments, some people are just ignorant.

Answer 16

There is nothing wrong with your having a large family if you can afford it.