What happens if u want to give up ur baby?

Question

how do u do it and how do u find a good family? like what do u ask them and how do u know if they will really luv ur baby?

Answer 1

another thing you can do is ask your dr if he/she knows of anyone that might want to adopt that has problems in getting pregnant. they know the people . it is not easy giving your baby away but if someone can do a better job of raising it and you fully can understand that then it helps. i know this first hand.

Answer 2

A couple I know wanted to adopt a baby so they went to an adoption service and the mother picked them out of a book and met with them and decided to go with them.  They told me they could pick an open or closed adoption.  They even had to take baby cpr and first aid classes.  

The mom gets to hold the baby after she has it and gets to take care of it until the papers are final.  The mother decided to keep the baby tho.  I would think or atleast hope all parents who are going through adoption would really love the baby.  It seems the agency wants makes sure they will love the baby too.

Answer 3

Interesting how almost ALL of the posts encouraging you to consider adoptions are the ones with the 'low ratings'....hmmm.

I think Chelsea's answer was amazing. :) It's what I would have said too.

I'm an adoptee from 1970. I was one of the first adoptions done by my county. I was carefully cared for by a loving foster mother who was amazing. I was lovingly chosen by my folks---who had 2 boys already, but truly wanted a little girl.

I have an amazing family who loves me to this day. I'd never trade them for anything in this world.  And I can honestly say that I've never had any desire to locate my birth mother or siblings. They aren't my family. My family is the people who adopted me and raised me. I know the circumstances behind my adoption, there's nothing more to discover about any of it. I'm perfectly happy about it too.

I'm also a birth mother to a handsome 19 year man. I chose my parents for him. I wanted a family that was very similar to my family's values and lifestyle. I chose them. I have thousands of photos, I have a stack of letters......and a couple of weeks ago I received an invitation to his high school graduation. :)    While I'm unable to attend this, my parents will be going to it. I'm sure it will be an amazing weekend and can't wait to hear all about it.

I recall a 13 year old girl who became pregnant and was placed at the same maternity home I was in. She honestly had no clue how she got pregnant---her folks hadn't had "the talk" with her yet. Didn't think they had to at the age of 12....I wouldn't have thought so either.

Anyhoo, she was scared to death about it all. I remember having long talks with her about what happened, how she felt, her options--or what she was told she was going to do by her parents. She made a very smart and mature decision. She contacted my caseworker for my adoption. She went thru the same procedure I did, chose a wonderful family, met with them several times. Went to dinners, shopping(once she committed to the family), etc.

Not all adoptions are nightmares, many of them are not! Yes, there are some extremely bitter people in this world who are h**l bent on convincing the world that "adoption is evil" or "adoption is not normal" or whatever they want to say.

So many adoptions are amazing and wonderful.

Many women are not "haunted" or made to feel guilty.

This isn't about YOU, believe it or not. What you are doing, should you choose adoption, is making a choice about what is best for the CHILD. This means taking a long hard look in the mirror and being honest with yourself.

I was 18---I was not ready to be a mother. Just because I was an adult didn't mean that I wanted to get married and start popping out children because that's what society told me was the 'right thing'.  I wanted to enlist in the Navy---that was now gone because of the pregnancy. I wanted to go to college and become a Vet---that was also gone out the window because of the pregnancy.

Many opportunities got put aside due to my pregnancy. Not my son's fault, I refused to punish him or have him lacking anything in this world because of my hormones and a smoking hot boyfriend.

This is about doing what's best for the child.

Answer 4

Think about all the things you like about your own family and what you dislikes. Find out their interests are they the same you would like to have or have. Example want a family that is active like camping and outdoors same things you love. Give them situations or how they would do stuff. Example: What is your idea of discpline or if the child did this what would your punishment be. Find family that can give a child good pysical needs and emotional needs taken care of. No not all adoption agencies are bad look one that is non-profit if it makes you feel more comfortable. Either way get counseling so you can better decide what you want to do. It's a hard road and good luck with everything.

Answer 5

I recommend you go through catholic adoption services. They screen parents very well. They are not in it as a business. You will be treated with dignity and respect.

Catholic Adoptions are done through the local diocese. I have included a link to the listing of dioceses in the US. You should be able to click your way to adoption information in your area.http://www.usccb.org/dioceses.shtml

Answer 6

I placed my baby for adoption through an agency called mercy ministries. Anyway how i got started was I wrote out an extensive list of qualities I wanted the parents to have. Like I wanted them to be young, wealthy, unable to have their own baby,go to church, ect.... I never talked to the parents previous to the "adoption day". I dont recommend that. I think you should get to know them. The agency gave me profiles of the families with all sorts of information on the family. you just have to search out in your heart what you really dream of for your child. If a couple is willing to go through  grueling process of adoption they are probably quite ready and more than willing to love your baby. Many of these couples are dreaming of a baby.

If you choose adoption I highly recommend grief counseling as this is a loss you will have to deal with. But as a birthmother I want to say there is life after adoption.

Also get in legal documentation if you want pictures, or contact, medical bills paid for ect!

Answer 7

First and foremost, please talk to a responsible adult, if you do not feel comfortable talking with your parents. Second, do lots of research on adoption, both the pros and con's because there are many websites that promote adoption and there are others that do not promote adoption. Look at both sides. Thirdly, try to go to a free clinic and talk to a doctor about your options and to see if you and the baby are okay. I do not believe in abortion, but i can't tell you what way to go. People on here are giving their opionion but that is all it is. When it comes down to it, this is your decision and your decision only. I wish you the best.

Answer 8

there are so many people out there that would love to have a baby to love.  i would suggest that you look into a few different adoption agencies.  they do thorough checks on people who want to adopt and they let you learn about these people and see pictures before you ever have to meet any of them.  best of luck to you

Answer 9

Please don't have an abortion..  you'll regret it the rest of your life. By the time you realize you're pregnant, the heart is usually already beating..

Please know that there are MANY services that will enable you to finish school while taking care of your baby.. It will be harder, yes, but I think  you'll find it worth it.  You will NEVER regret parenting your child..

Adoption is an option that may work out best for you, but be careful.. know what you're doing, avoid being pressured into giving your baby up, and make sure that you don't finalize anything until the baby is born, as you may take one look at him and change your mind.  Just be careful, if adoption is really what you want to do. There ARE risks that you and your baby may both regret adoption..

But please consider parenting.. I promise, there's lots of ways you can keep your baby and finish school, even college. You just have to find the right support..

Answer 10

You do your research Michelle and find a reputable agency. You don’t even have to decide to place till after the baby is born.  You do need to speak to a trusted adult who can help you out, perhaps a counselor at your school. You might also look at adoption.com forums they have a section for birthparents perhaps one of them might have an agency suggestion that they used. Again you don’t need to decide anything now most important is for you to get prenatal care. Whether you parent or place for adoption that can be decided at a later point. You could even place your baby with someone in your family that is called kinship adoption.

Of course he wants an abortion this Man raped you(Statutory), a 14 year old girl at the time. He could end up in prison which is where he should be he had no business having s*x with a minor.  This man is pedophile and should be locked away.

Answer 11

a couple of things:

-there is NO test, questionnaire nor measurement that can guarantee you that aparents will not harm your child.  even aparents who passed homestudies have histories of abuse, mental illness and other "not so nice" things that they do not disclose.

-although most PARENTS (biological and adoptive/foster) have great intentions, there are always those who are abusive.

the bottom line: the only way to ensure that your child will be treated the way you want is to raise him/her yourself. you have no control over how others will treat him or her once you relinquish.

you need to speak with a family planning PROFESSIONAL at a local health department or family planning center.  adoption agencies are biased, crisis pregnancy centers are biased and people on the internet who lack counseling backgrounds are biased.

Answer 12

you can contact an adoption agency and go through couples profiles. you can chose who your baby goes to. blessings

also there are sometimes people listing themselves in the paper, and you can call these people too. you might be suprised at how loving and wonderful many of them can be!

blessings

Answer 13

You should go to an adoption agency that works with you to screen and interview good families. They'll be able to answer your concerns. Good Luck

Answer 14

That all depends on if you want a opened or closed adoption and if you know a family or want to work with a agency that has 100's of parents who have passed extensive home inspections.  My sister has finally got on with a agency that has been to her home numerous times.  Good Luck

Answer 15

Be very careful who you talk to about this as most centres which say they help young pregnant women are sponsored by adoption agencies to coerce you into giving up your child.  This is your baby, your flesh and blood, and the best person to raise it is you, the mother.  No one can replace you, no one will love your child like you do, so there is nothing you can ask them.  Look deep within yourself and see if you can find a way and who can help you to keep this child.  If you give away your baby, you will regret it every day and your child will miss you every day.  Take it from one who knows.  I wish you all the best, there is a way.

Answer 16

Most people looking to adopt a child would love it endlessly because they are unable for one reason or another to have a baby of their own,which in turn they will treat your baby as if it was their own.

You should call an adoption agency or talk to a doctor about the option and they will give you all kinds of information about adoption and whatnot....adoption agencies will usually set up appointments between you and the elected adopting parents to see if you are comfortable with them and just take it from there.

Ask them about their intentions and how they will provide for the baby and things of that nature but I can almost assure you that no adoption agency will approve a family of adoption unless they meet all the requirements such as finances,backgrounds,and all those things.

Good Luck and I'm glad to see there is someone out there willing to consider adoption over the other thing

Answer 17

you should take to your parents i think that they could help you alot and help you decide if the families will be good to your baby.

Answer 18

It is usually helpful to find a reputable agency that can help you choose a family that you feel will love your baby.  People who are trying to adopt go through a lot of paperwork and trouble and expense, and they really want a child, so your baby being loved shouldn't be a worry.  Depending on the agency, you should be able to meet them and maybe keep in touch after the baby is born.

Answer 19

Two years ago we adopted our only child, a son, through an open adoption.  Before we were approved to send out profiles to birth mothers, we had to complete home studies with social workers and were interviewed by the Adoption Facilitation Agency we used. They are responsible for ensuring that the adoptive parents are capable of being good loving parents.  Also, if you choose open adoption, you and the adoptive parents can work out a deal where you receive pictures and videos so that you can see your child grow up.  We send pictures and videos several times each year. Our adoptive mother sends cards and gifts each holiday and we give them to our son.  He is 3 1/2 years old and doesn't understand the whole process but we are saving everything that he receives so that when he is older, he will understand that his birth mom loves him and only wanted what was best for him even if it was the hardest thing she ever did.   We could not love him more if he was our biological child.  Go with your gut instinct and you will pick parents that are right for you and your child.

Answer 20

How old are you....12?????  Get an abortion...you're too young to handle parenting or relinquishing a child for adoption.

Answer 21

Can your parents help you with your baby?  Have you told them yet?  These days most grandparents-to-be do not want to lose their grandchildren to adoption.  They would rather provide support and encouragement to a young mother until she is old enough to be on her own.  I know several families who have done this very successfully.  If not your parents, what about other family members who could help you?

Family support is much, much safer than stranger adoption.  In stranger adoption there are no guarantees that your child will be provided for properly.  The screening that agencies use is superficial and is designed to lure adoptive parents into signing contracts.  Also, there there is a big risk in stranger adoption that you will never see your child again.  Despite promises of open adoptions, there is a huge risk that the adoptive parents will cut you off.

If you have not told your parents, please do so as soon as possible.  They will be very upset at first but once they realize that you are carrying their grandbaby they will most likely calm down and help you to figure out what to do.

I have a question for you - do you really want to give up your baby or do you feel that it is your only choice?  How do you feel about being a mother?

Answer 22

what happens is, you will  regret it for the rest of your life.  your baby needs it's mother.

Answer 23

First and foremost you need to talk to an adult you can trust.

Do NOT call an adoption agency.

Run from anyone that pushes you in that direction.

An adoption agency wants your baby - they'll tell you anything you want to hear - just to get your baby.

Also - do not have any contact with people over the internet trolling for your baby - dangerous stuff.

Don't listen to anyone that wants your baby - as they'll tell you that they'll give you the world - only to ignore you - once they have your baby.

What's best for baby - if you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy - is to keep you and the baby together - emotionally and psychologically.

You are young - you will need support to parent - be very aware of what lies ahead.

Here's some links to info you should read - know your rights - no one can force you to do anything you don't want to do - no one -

http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pd...

http://www.keepyourbaby.com/

http://origins-usa.org/Default.aspx?page...

http://www.singlepregnancy.com/

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/

I wish you all the best.

Answer 24

Hello Michelle.

Don't worry!  Most of the people telling you that agencies are "baby sellers" are bitter people who put their children up for adoption, or were adopted more than 10 years ago.  Or misinformed people who believe those stereotypes.  That is not the way it is now!  The adoption agency I went through didn't pressure me at all.  My counselor didn't get paid more whether I gave up the baby or not.  All she wanted was for me to make the best decision for myself.  They would have helped me find a way to parent if I had decided to do that.  It was really cool, because everyone who worked at the agency had some connection with adoption, like being adopted, being a birth mother, or being an adoptive parent.  My counselor was an adoptee.  

With that said, I would make sure the agency you choose is the same way.  But there are laws now against "pressuring" you into giving up baby.  So I don't really think any agency would act the way these people are saying it would.  I haven't seen a birth mother from within the last few years saying anything bad about adoption agencies.  Its just the ones from more than 10 years ago.

Furthermore, when you choose parents you have to really get to know them.  Start early so you have time.  When I was choosing adoptive parents I talked to them on the phone once a week, took my family to meet them, exchanged letters, and they brought us around sight-seeing to see the city they lived in several times.  That is how I got to know them well enough to know they would be good parents.

Also, I would choose adoptive parents that have time for you, and that you can tell genuinely care about you and what you are going through.  If they can do that, then you can be sure they will care about your baby.  The parents I choose were really concerned with MY wellbeing too, not just the baby's.  

Anyway, I hope this helps you make a decision!

Oh yeah--  I agree with DH69 about the pregnancy "support" centers.  THEY are the ones who pressure women into placing a child!  Under the Bush administration thousands and thousands of them are popping up all over the country.  All they are there for is to convince women to not get an abortion.  They aren't there to support you and help you make the right decision for you.  They just want you to comply to their ideology.  So if you do go to a center like that, ask first what their views on abortion are or if they have religious affiliation before committing to them in any way.  If I were you, I'd just go to planned parenthood.  They aren't biased.

Answer 25

Hi Michelle,

You have gotten some great advice especially from Chelsea.

You have some pretty specific questions that I would like to help answer.

Adoptions have changed a lot most of the people who are against adoption probably came from an environment where they knew very little about their birth family if anything at all. Times have changed…

These days most adoptions that take place are Open or Semi open.

Open means you know the family and you may be allowed to spend time with the baby, get pictures etc.

Semi-Open means that you know information about the adoptive family and you can get pictures and updates but you probably won’t be going to their home to spend time with the baby. Frankly the degree of openness should be up to you; at least that is my opinion.

I am an adoptive mother of a beautiful little girl who was placed in my arms the moment she was born she is the love of our lives. We have a very Open Adoption and a very wonderful relationship with our daughter’s birth family. They have thrown our daughter a birthday party; we exchange birthday and Christmas gifts and stay over at each others homes for us they are an extension of our family.

We are two families who love our daughter (we are not co-parenting), at the end of the day it is all about our daughter knowing who her birth family is, knowing that she is loved and feeling secure enough to ask adoption questions to either side of her family. Like many families we believe that by having an open adoption the child will know their biological family and will feel more comfortable because he/she will know how much they are loved by both families.

Granted not all families want to nurture an open adoption to our extent. However there are families who do keep promises, there are families who love their children unconditionally and there are families who have raised well adjusted children because they chose to be honest with their children about who they are and where have come from.

Statistically adopted children in Open or Semi Open adoptions are healthy and happy. Good parenting choices make all the difference in the world. Let’s face it we hear about Biological families abusing their children all the time, we rarely hear anything about adoptive families hurting their children.

Not all birth moms regret their choices. My sister n law placed as a teenager she never regretted her choice she just wished she could know how her daughter was, she wanted a picture, a letter something to see how Diana was doing, 40 years ago they didn’t do that which is why I am such a big believer in open adoption. The great news…things have changed…Carla now knows Diana and spends lots of time with her and her grandsons.

Our daughter’s birth mom has never regretted her choice she has missed her and she would have loved to have been able to parent but her life circumstances during that time in her life did not allow it. Our birth mother wrote a letter to a young woman who was considering abortion she wrote these words and sent me a copy of the letter. This is an actual quote from Heather “I have the best of both worlds I am living my dream, getting the education I have always wanted and I have an awesome relationship with my daughter and her family. I am as involved as I want to be and can step away without ever feeling guilty. If I had chosen abortion the guilt of killing my baby would have eaten me alive, with adoption I know that my daughter is alive, I can play with her, I can call her and I can still follow my dreams. Truly... the best of both worlds.”

Adoption does not have to be negative, it can be positive and both parties can find peace in their decision of placing or adopting the decision has to truly come from your heart.

If parenting is the route that you want to take than by all means parent, there are lots of resources available for single mothers and there are schools that you can go to and take your baby with you.

Here are some things to consider:

How many biological parents who wanted to place their children in loving homes chose to parent because of the negative things they have read or heard?

How many chose to parent and wish they could spend true quality time with their children but are working 70- 80 hours a week just to survive?

How many gave up dreams and how many shuffle the what if deck?

At the same token how many prospective birth families chose to parent and became successful in life? How many finished school, worked and parented? Lots and Lots…it can be done!

Life is what you make of it...adoption works for some, biological parenting works for some and sometimes parenting doesn't work at all regardless if you are a biological parent or an adoptive parent. It is how one is raised, not necessarily whether or not they are adopted, for every negative biological parenting experience we can find a positive adoption experience.

      "he wants a abortion but idk what i want i think maybe

        i   should have one too cuz this adoption seems like 2  

        much work and maybe i wont get to do skool if i have a  

        baby 2"

As a parent my heart would break knowing that my daughter chose abortion because she was scared to tell me that she was pregnant or…because finances were an issue.

There are government programs that can offer medical and child support for you and your baby. Parents get angry but most of the time they get over it. Abortion??? Well…I have never been in your position and have never had an abortion however I do have friends who have had abortions and they have regretted it their whole lives.

Parenting can be a wonderful experience, Adoption can be a wonderful experience…if parenting is not an option please consider adoption it can be a healthy and loving option….

     "im sooo confused now. so i dont wanna go to an agency  

      cuz now they seem like baby sellers but then how do i

      find  a family if i want to do adoption?"

You don’t have to use an agency you can use a private attorney or you can find a family and do an Independent Adoption. A great source to find parents is  Adoption.com or check with your local church.

If you don’t have medical insurance check with the health dept in your state many states offer Medicaid free of charge, they may also have free counseling and other programs to help you out as well.

Talk to your parents, a teacher or some adult let them help you sort out a lot of the info.

Everyone will have an opinion and at some point you may be overwhelmed but the bottom line is this is your decision. This is your baby…this is your life…

Hugs,

Maria

Answer 26

OK, so I know there have been allot of different answers on here, and with all this new stuff going on around you you must be pretty confused on what to do. That is why I think you MUST consult someone YOU trust, not any kind of agency with some sort or agenda. This needs to be YOU choice and a choice you agree with whole heartily because it WILL effect you for the rest of your life.

I suggest you speaking with your mother, sister, autie, grandmother , older friend cousin anybody you can reach out to for support. Please remember there reaction to you being pregnant might come as a shock at first , as a loved one they will look out for your best interest.

I am not going to advise you on adoption, abortion or parenting - as this is your choice. I can only urge you to reach out to those you love for support.

(I wouldn't contact an adoption agency at this point)

Answer 27

Contact an adoption agency or crisis center, they will have lopts of resources for you and tell you about different types of adoption- open and closed. Nowadays there are different types of adoption, from closed ones when you don't know where your baby goes and cease all contact, to open ones, where you always know where your baby is and keep in touch.

Answer 28

hmm that is very hard..but im happy u are atleast gonna give it up..then have an abortion..but make sure u really think of this..cause at the end of your pregnancy u might want the baby..after 9 months of loving it and all that..think about it..its to beautiful to give up..and no one will love ur baby like u will.

Answer 29

How do you find someone who will not only be a good mother to your child, but will also love that child more than anyone else in the world? Look in the mirror - you are a mom,  a mother and you can be the best thing this baby has ever known! Know that and believe that when and if you contact an adoption agency because they are likely to tell you that you aren't able to give your child allllllllllll of the wonderful (material) "things" that a child deserves. Well, you know what? You son or daughter deserves love, a mother's love, and that is something only you can give.

If you go to an adoption agency know that they will likely try to talk you out of keeping your child with you.

Here are some things that are written in an adoption manual put out by the Family Research Council - an organization that supports the separation of mothers and infants:

1) “Give women sound reasons that will counter the desire to keep their babies. One example is to reinforce the notion that it takes a strong, mature woman to place a child for adoption.”  (Bull - if a woman were mature and strengthened by her community she could and would parent her child.)

2)  "She should not be immersed in an atmosphere that assumes that being responsible means that she should raise her child. She will instead see information about adoption on display.”

3) "She should be able to read a list of center services that prominently includes adoption.” (Because this is in their best interest, not yours.)

What I am trying to tell you is that there are a lot of people out there who WANT YOUR BABY! And there are a lot of people out there who will MAKE MONEY OFF OF YOU AND YOUR BABY - IT'S CALLED BABY SELLING! If adoption agencies didn't need to make a living off of selling our children to other people, they wouldn't need to advertise - anywhere!!!  

All I can tell you is that from my experience is if you surrender your child to adoption you will live with grief and pain for the rest of your life. If you parent your child, you will likely get the average angst of any parent raising a child, but your kid will always be yours, always love you, and you have the joys of knowing and witnessing every one of the important days of his/her life - memories - that is something you don't get with adoption. Memories are the connections through time and space between people who should/need to be together.

Being a mother is not rocket science - you can do it!

Answer 30

I am so happy that you are considering this over anything else the fact that you want to find a beautiful family for your baby is great. If I was you I will pray on it, ask God to help you decide. Plus you need to know if this is what you really want. We sometimes think that we want one thing, but when you see and hold your baby you might change your mind. I know life seems hard and we always think the worst but what ever is meant to be God will work it out. I will pray for you and your baby and ask Him to help you out with this matter. God Bless!!!

Answer 31

You either go through an agency that will do open adoptions so you can meet the parents and see their information (they usually make up a book that tells you about them and what they like to do) or you go through a family attorney you can trust and meet with parents and see how you feel about them and find out all you feel you need to know to feel right about your decision.  Be as picky as you want as you are giving your baby to them.