What happens when you can't take it anymore and you break down completely?

Question

I haven't stopped crying for the last couple of hours. The tears won't stop. I had another fight with my mom and grandma. But that's not why I'm crying. My grandma, her bones on her hips have completely deteriorated...They told me today. Any little movement could break her hips and she could die. I lose her, and I lose such a big part of me. I searched the bathroom for a blade because I can't take it anymore. I wanted to cut myself but I can't find a blade. I don't want to kill myself, but I want to feel something else. I'm hurting so much emotionally that I'm physically sick right now. I've never lived 1 day without my grandma. Never...She's always lived with me. She's more than a mother to me. She's my everything. Oh God, I don't want to lose her. And I don't know what I will do if I do. I can't promise I wouldn't hurt myself in a way I can't take back. I love her so much. And right now I just can't stop crying. I wish I could show my mom my scars...But I know if I do, I'll lose more than I could ever imagine.

Answer 1

(((hugs))) I'm so sorry you're feeling so much pain right now and it sounds as if you can't even discuss the pain with your mother.  I'm sorry about your grandma.  If it were me, I'd be spending all the time I could with my grandma, and telling her the things you've written about right here.  Tell her how much she means to you and how much you love her.  

Please take care.

Answer 2

There's no answer to this, it's something you'll have to face head on and deal with.  Crying is good, it'll help relieve your frustration and all those emotions you'll be feeling now, but no amount of cutting will change anything and it won't benefit anyone.  This is going to be one of those bast*rd experiences that makes you who you are.  Whether or not you survive it is entirely down to you.

I know it's worthless but here's a ((((HUG)))) for you.

  

                

Answer 3

As hard as it is to accept, your grandma (like all/the best of us) has to go sometime. I guess the earlier you can accept this, the earlier you (and her) can be at peace.

It's really tough being on the verge of losing someone dear to us but it happens and is just the way Life is. We are all born with a death distant away from us and with each passing day, he moves closer to us.

I am very sorry to hear of your grandma's deteriorating health and wish her all the best during her final moments and be sure to be there for her when she says goodbye.

Cherish everything/heirloom she's ever given you and be sure to take care of them for as long as you live.

Here's a song to help you through these times:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cvLJJGrb...

Hope you all the best during this tough stage of your life ~

Answer 4

I'm so sorry about this the best thing that you can do is tell her you love her and you are gonna be by her side no matter how hard its gonna be.

I hope you feel better  

Answer 5

awww...((BIG BEAR HUGS))...im so sorry thins is happening to you.be you have to be strong for her. im sure it hurts her to see you cry. just be strong and spent time with her.i hope ot all gets better soon.again im sorry.

Answer 6

Put down the razor and go to your room.  The easiest way to deal with this is to listen to music or talk to a good friend.  I reccomend you listen to bands like Linkin Park or Evanescence at this time, and not that they are depressing, "emo" or "gothic", but their music has to do with the struggles of daily life.  Both bands have helped me through a lot of hard times and I couldn't thank them enough for the impact they've made on my life.  Some Evanescence songs I reccomend right now are "My Immortal", "Hello", "Lithium", "The Only One", and "Imaginary".  Some Linkin Park songs include "Leave Out All the Rest", "Numb", "Shadow of the Day", "Breaking the Habit", "Easier to Run" and "From the Inside".  I hope everything turns out fine for you and your family.  

Answer 7

Awww, I'm really sorry hun. I've never had anything like this happen to me,but either way I know you can pull though, I just know it. And please, I ask you as a friend, don't cut yourself. Cutting yourself or causing yourself any harm won't better the situation. Would your grandma really want you to hurt yourself? I do know what it's like to be emotionally burnt out and overwhelmed, but I never would resort to hurting myself, ever. But there's something we all as human beings must understand whether we like it or not. We live and we eventually move on. All we can do is make the best of the time that we have. But during your life, you're going to have some big obstacles to overcome, but understand that you don't need to overcome them alone. When obstacles are thrown at us, we can't just give up, we have to keep strong and hold on, so that we may live out the rest of our lives. I'm truly sorry to hear about what is going on your life right now. But don't worry, tomorrow is another day, and it will get better.

Answer 8

She'll die?? Ok, first of all, Mita is a strong cookie. I'm not trying to compare her to anyone Nicky, but my great grandmother (Mami's grandma) broke her hip when she was over here, and she had to get surgery and everything and she's 80 years old and diabetic, AND she has Alzheimers. She is a wreck. If she made it, Mita will make it. Those f***ing doctors don't know sh*t. Mita isn't clumsy.

I don't live with Mita and you might think I'm underestimating things or whatever, but, Mita is going to be fine. As long as they give her that shot that Titi has been trying to get, I'm sure she'll be ok. (What's up with that anyways? Is she going to get it?)

I know Mita is everything to you. Even the though of something slightly wrong happening to her, can be more than mortifying. I swear I'm trying my best not to cry rignt now thinking about it. Just try to stay calm ok Nicky.

As for you, I'm starting to worry about you. Nicky I know you cut yourself before but please, don't you do anything like that again. Don't even try because I swear to god Nicky if you do, I'm not going to keep my mouth shut. You don't know how tempted I was to tell Titi about your scar on your leg. I got so close to telling her one day when I was there because I was scared for you. I didn't know what to do or make of it. I couldn't even believe it. I didn't say anything because I trusted you that you wouldn't do anything like that again. But keeping this in, all this stress and frustration, and looking for a blade in the bathroom to cut yourself, Nicky, I'm giving you fair warning. Try something, ANYTHING, and I will tell titi and mita about it.

You think showing them your scar, you'll lose something? What exactly are you losing? You'll probably get into another fight, but I'm sure another fight would be worth it compared to what you might end up losing if you end up in the hospital because you went too far one day. Showing them the scars will be hard, for everyone Nicky. It will be, but if that's what it takes for them to understand whatever it is that's going on in your heart and mind, then I think you should do it.

I honestly don't want to have to tell them myself. But if you don't do something, Nicky, all I'm saying is I fear your safety and overall health. I don't know what to make of this. Nicky, please tell me. What's wrong? What's going on?

I know the fights are bad. I was only there for two months and I saw how they got. But there must be something else going on that I don't know about. Is it the sexuality stuff? School? What is it? I really don't know. Please tell me Nicky. If you want to anyways...

Answer 9

I lost my dad when I was 9 years old, he was only 32! That same year I lost both sets of grandparents, thats 5 loved ones in a year!......I am a normal person in some eyes but yet quiet and sad in others, this could be because I feel so alone sometimes? I am now 34, married and have 3 children and still I think about when I was young and how lonely I was, the death of of all my loved ones took it's toll but after some soul searching I think maybe I am 50% through it.

I try to imagine it's meant to be, after a few drinks it upsets me? The cure is to just think of your loved ones and know for a fact that being upset over them and dwelling will lead only to being sad....if they loved you then they would want you to be happy! Just try and get through these hard times and live a happy life they wanted you to live, if you give up now then you will have failed them babe!

It's hard for me to be so blunt but it has to happen, don't hurt yourself! It does more harm to those around you than what you think, it's easy for someone to say get over it, but it's even easier to accept what has happened and cope with it and move on!

Just remember the past and tell yourself that you can make it better for them, all this can be achieved simply by having the guts to accept the loss and by building a life you think would make them all happy?  

There will be many tears just as I had, it does not get better, but it does eventually become something to cope with. Forgetting is ignorant, remembering makes you a stronger person and defines you future as an adult.

Answer 10

Meditation always helps. :D

Answer 11

I'm sorry. Feel better. Stay strong, for your Grandma. She needs you. You can't hurt yourself, because it's not about you. This is about her.  

Answer 12

well jst take it easy witht the razer blade, seriously. i know its hard but u gotto keep straight, dont lose focus and get ur priorties order, ur grandmother wouldnt want u doing tht to urself, and if u acidently killed urself, she would even more devistated and sorrowful, i know its hard but u have to take it, death is unfortunantly a part of life and can come and go at any moment, jst try to make her feel as special as u can, while u can, cheerish every moment with while u can, jst hang in there, u never know what will happen in the future, there are such things as miricles.

Answer 13

Don't ever think of hurting yourself, i really don't think you're grandma would want that either, people that are older have to expect things like that to happen, it's part of life and i know it hurts but you have to be strong for her and you, support her as much as you can and be there for her, don't do anything that's gonna cause more grief to you're family like hurting yourself, you have no right to decide you're faith, God does that, don't disrespect him by doing something dumb, be strong, pray with all your heart and i swear you'll find strength to go through anything.....please be strong.