What happens when your husband is deployed..and you feel like you don't know him anymore ?

Question

Me and my husband got married young. So we of course do not do things the way married couples should. Before he left he took everything out of his name..But he sends me money every month. So since he has been gone (7 months) I have done everything by myself, worked took care of our child,. and got myself in debt WITH MY CREDIT CARD. I have always paid them but the way my husband does things he would never get in debt. I guess because he has already been through this and i never have . So anyway I decided to fix it myself and consolidate so i can just have one bill instead of 6. He hardly calls so he has no idea what is going on. We did EVERYTHING together money wise. Now that he is gone..Its not like that anymore. I am afraid he is going to be upset with me. But since we have done everything separate...I just delt with my problems alone. Any advice?

Answer 1

How long before he comes home?  You should probably not tell him until just before he comes home so he doesn't worry.  You should also cut up all credit cards except one so you don't start spending again and work on paying down your debt. He probably will be upset so you need to tell him so he doesn't find out some other way.  Apologize and offer to get a job or an extra job when he comes back to get out of debt asap. You need to get another hobby instead of shopping.  

Answer 2

DONT CHEAT ON HIM READ YOUR BIBLE BE A GOOD WIFE  

Answer 3

tell the credit card companies to leave u alone, or else.

Answer 4

Does he e-mail or send letters at all?  I would be concerned about that alone, my husband was in the Navy and he was able to contact me every day and call once a week (he did have to go out of his way to do so).  Is he sending you all of his BAH?  Because he should be and if his CO found out, he could get in a lot of trouble.  That's what it's there for, to help with the housing and it's not fair to you for him to be hoarding the money for whatever reason while you're struggling (I believe he gets extra money for being married and having a kid).  Next time you talk to him, tell him how the situation is.  I could possibly understand a military man not wanting his wife on the bank account because I heard all kinds of stories about women cheating on their husbands while they were off on deployment and then cleaning out their bank account, so I could possibly see the reason for that if he were paranoid, but taking his name off of everything is a bit much.  Seriously, you need to tell him how it is.  If he's mad at you for getting into credit card debt, IT'S HIS FAULT.  All your bills should be paid through BAH and if he's not handing it over, then you should tell his CO.  Or if he wasn't going to change anything I would go tell whoever I needed to that he doesn't have a lease so he shouldn't be getting BAH.  The more I think about it, the madder I'm getting on your behalf.  It's just wrong.  

Just like to add we married young, too (19 years old).  

Answer 5

As an Army wife, I have to say he is just being SMART! I am sure that you are a loving and loyal wife, but there are MANY military wives out there who are NOT loving and loyal. They marry service members just for the benefits, then while they are deployed, they spend all of their money on going out with other guys. Its disgusting and I see it all too often! This is probably where that is coming from. And, seriously, don't be offended by it. These guys honestly just need to protect themselves, because they go through enough, they don't need to come home to a divorce, a lot of debt they didn't create themselves, and a broken heart. They don't need that. He deserves to have the right to protect himself. And its a good thing he did! You admit you are not too good with money, so its a darn good thing that he did this. Otherwise the both of you would be in more and more debt than just now. Also, my husband and I married young, what does that have to do with not doing things the way married couples should? My husband and I have everything in both of our names, even while he is deployed now, but that is because things are the reverse with us, I am good with money, and he is a spender. He is sending you money, and he is trying to take care of you and your kid. It doesn't seems that it isn't enough, because I know the military gives you more than enough in BAH and BAS. It seems that you mismanaged, made poor decisions, and got yourself in debt. Well, yes, he might be mad. He's out doing a tough job, and you can't even manage the money. By the way, just because the credit card is in your name doesn't mean ANYTHING. You are married, your credit score is 50-50. You are hurting his credit score just as much, with all the debt. Consolidating doesn't take debt away, it doesn't "fix it", it just puts it all in one bill. You need to work EXTRA hard with odd jobs, pick up another job (you sure as heck better have one already), etc. You created this debt, and you need to do the mature thing and deal with it head on. Your husband has enough problems to deal with from being deployed, he doesn't need to deal with the fact that he's over there hard at work to pay off debt you are creating. Cut up the credit cards, get an extra job, stop spending. Yes, he will probably not be happy with the debt you have created. Who would be happy with that?

EDIT*** You REALLY don't seem to realize that when you are married it is 50-50. Your debt is his debt, and you didn't just spend "your money." He will have to come home to deal with this too.

Answer 6

Tell him how you feel about things. I just returned from Iraq 2 weeks ago and my wife told me over the phone shortly before coming home that she wants a divorce. I am devastated. I have never kept money or anything from her. I found out that she was running around with the neighbor guy while I was gone. They were talking and texting on the phone from morning to 2 am most days. She also had him over to my house watching movies alone. She swears they are just friends but I am not stupid. So do yourself a favor and tell him how you feel before you get into something like my wife has done. She said she felt like we had grown apart but the real problem was that we stopped communicating and look where that got us.