What has happened to us?

Question

I find it incredibly disturbing that parents today knowingly or unknowingly seem to teach their children to devalue the feelings and lives of others. A child who starts trying to date at 12 and by 17 has had more boyfriends than fingers how can she/he respect the trust and commitment of another properly? Does "practice makes perfect" apply in relationships? Do we teach our kids to honor and value a lifelong partnership or has that become unpopular? I don't get it. I was raised to respect and love a woman like she's the only woman on earth, not some social "experiment" or game or toy.

Answer 1

where have you been all my life????? lol  jk

some good points though.

I wasn't allowed to date as a young teen. I had my 1st unchaperoned date when I was 17.

I am in the only serious relationship I have ever had. We have been married 6 1/2 years and have 2 great kids. It isn't always easy. A marriage or any other relationship for that matter takes work. Anything worth having is worth working for. I will be with this person the rest of my life. I love him very much, even though I do feel like ringing his neck every once in a while. LOL!!!

Answer 2

I don't believe that dating more than one person from the time you start dating until the time you get married is "devaluing the feelings and lives of others." I don't think it's wise to expect to marry the first person you date.

By all means, when you are in a relationship you should respect that person (really should treat everyone with respect, whether you are in a relationship with them or not), and every relationship should be a committed one. I do not feel, however, that having multiple relationships over the course of your lifetime is a bad thing.

How can a person truly know what a relationship should feel like if they marry the first person they ever date simply because they feel that they wouldn't be respecting their commitment if they end the relationship?

I actually think that it is disrespectful to the other person to stay in the relationship if you no longer have feelings for them, or have feelings for someone else.

Does that mean that I think it is right to cheat, or engage in a relationship where you treat the other person as a toy? Of course not, I'm just saying that we should respect ourselves and each other enough to realize that your first relationship might not be your last.

I *do* feel that we should respect and care for the other person in our relationships, and that we should honor our commitments for so long as they last, but I don't think that asking someone out on a date should be a lifetime commitment.

If that makes me insensitive, I'm sorry, but I think it's more important to date more than one person and eventually find the one person with whom I want to spend my entire life than to stay with my first boyfriend forever simply because I made a commitment to him by asking him out to coffee.

Now, if I completely misunderstood what you were saying, I apologize and you can feel free to completely ignore everything I wrote in this response.  :]

Answer 3

agreed, i guess they figure they will 'date' even if they say no...who knows, i wasnt allowed to be alone with a boy til i was 15, and im still with that same guy, hes the only guy i have ever dated or been with and im glad because i never have to compair him to anyone else and he never had to think about my 'past' with other men, of course, we are much older now and im currently pregnant but im glad i can count on 1 finger how many people iv been with. my mother also ALWAYS told me, 'dont bother dating anyone you wouldnt marry' which is sooo true, whats the point unless you can see a future with the person.

Answer 4

To me your existence sounds like absolute banal drudgery.  It sounds like a totally dull, uneventful waste of a life - and I suspect that you either have no idea what you're missing out on or some deep seated built up resentment, I'm not sure what's sadder.

For me I had the best of both worlds - I have spent a significant amount of my life living overseas, I have had different romantic and sexual partners, I have got a Masters degree and I've seen way more things than you people would have seen during the primetime television you watch.

And now ?  I am in a loving, committed, monogamous relationship (soon to be married) with a person that has a similar wealth of experience (enough to let us know how lucky we both are), we have one beautiful child and another on the way.

I would never have given my opinion on the way that you choose to live your life, except that by putting it up on yahoo answers (a totally inappropriate forum if all you want to do it to put up some sanctimonious, self indulgent statement) you have opened up a forum for people to comment on it.

Answer 5

I agree with you ...I have a 14 yr old daughter who has had a crush but not really interested in boys yet...

However...I am the Jr High cheerleading coach...on a squad of 12 I had 6 of the girls on Birth Control ( I only know because i have to have thier physicals on it list thier medications)...I find it disturbing to see girls my own daugthers age on myspace with pictures where they are making out with thier bfs.......

In this day and age its more common to "hook up", "shack up", and dispose of each other.....Marriage or commitment are not even words they use anymore...it scares me because I am with you I want my girls to find a person who respects them, and will support them....

Will that even be an option when my one yr old is ready to date ( in like 30 years)?

Answer 6

i was raised exactly like you.. always taught to respect and never to date as sport. i was actually not allowed to date until i was ready to get married. i mean i was a little bit of a trouble kid and i did sneak around at 16 and then got pregnant at 18... i am now 20 and ihave my son and me and the dad are married... i know exactly what you are talking about if i could change alot i would change HOW i did things like dating around alot  but i dont take back my son or marriage... but as for serial daters or serial marriers haha umm to them its a joke they dont understand that when it gets hard you stick it out because you made a vow to stick it out till death do you part... so for all those idiots its not a sport its a union and you make it what you want to make its def. not like in the movies all the time but sometimes it really is and those are the moments that you cherish and grow from... you can marry a hundres times its not going to make the next marriage better. no matter who you marry you will always fight and have disagreements... no matter what... were imperfect humans and thats the way it goes..........

thank you for posting this question..... i love it ;)

hope you find a wonderful woman....

Answer 7

I wish more parents weren't afraid of their kids!  I wish they had the guts to tell them NO, just because all of your friends are dating - that doesnt meant you get to!  I wish they could explain to their kids that relationships are work, and they require a genuine commitment!  Why do we think its cute for 15 year olds to stay out until midnight?  I believe there needs to be a shift in our thinking process.  Last time I checked, I was the parent, and I set the rules.  Dating, doesnt need to happen until much later than everyone says.  I recently heard a friend say she doesnt think anyone should start dating until about 2 years before they are ready to be married.  I thought about it for awhile, and I think I agree!  Great points!

Answer 8

wtf???? i thought guys like u had dissappered!!! lol....idk whats up with some people these days....im 18 and i "dated" alot between13 and 16 but my mom always taught me to be friends with a guy befor "dating" now im married and have been for over a yr now....my hubby treated me like a queen the whole time we dated and still to this day!!!