What have you done/ can you do to make your situation better with regards to the adoption in your life?

Question

whether you are an adoptive parent, and adoptee, or a first parent, there are things you can do.

What have YOU done, and how has it changed your life, and adoption as a whole?

Answer 1

The first, was searching and finding my family. That brought so much healing, I can't even list it, there is so much. From finding a part of me, to knowing that they loved me, it was profound in my sense of self, and self esteem. That led to researching my culture, learning my mothers native languages and about my ancestry that I never knew. Which was so healing.

I have read books, countless books, infact at the protest this year I brought tons of them in hopes to pass them along to other people. I passed on a few, but lugged many back home with me. Books help.

I have done therapy with an experienced Adoptee therapist who also was the owner of a family centered clinic that specializes in adoption, with adoptees.

I talk with other adoptees, this is the second greatest healing I have found. Surrounding myself in people who "get it" people who understand in the blink of an eye, where no explanation is needed. They genuinely care for your well being because they have been there. At the protest this year, i met more people that "got" me than I ever have in my entire life. It was SO healing, SO validating, SO incredible to be with like minded people that understand, i have grown so much in the last month.

I am an activist. I write letters, speak out in my community, am in the paper, organizing protests, helping searchers reunite, and remain active in making adoption better for adoptees. That in itself is healing, and I sleep at night knowing that one day, if we keep at this hard enough and long enough, adoptees won't have to go through what millions of us have.

One of the hardest things was forgiving my parents, all 4 of them for putting me in this situation so blindly, and not educating themselves on how it would effect me. I spent many years being mad at all of them for it. Forgiveness empowered me.

good question :)

Answer 2

I was naive and stupid during our adoption. I thought the social workers were gods. I am now much more aware. I would have fought harder to have my son and daughter's foster care worker removed from their case. She said inappropriate things to my son while explaining his placement with us. She made him feel disposable and rejected.

I would have joined a support group from the beginning. Living with RADS is hard, but more so when you are isolated.

It has changed my life in the following way:

It has made me more wise and patient.

It has filled my life with both frustration and love.

It made me look way past myself, and into the needs of others.

It has made my life child-centred.

Answer 3

i am the birthmother of a 2 year old boy i gave him up for adoption. if i could go back in time i would have video/tape recorded everything. i have a hard time remembering stuff that went on because i spent most of my days crying. this experience has changed my life completely ive come to realize that this was the best thing i could have done in my situation not only did i give a gift of life to the adoptive parents but i gave life to my other children by learning how to take responsibility for my actions and i learned how to buget my money so i wouldnt have to be in that situation again

Answer 4

Wow. What a broad question. If I were to answer this, I could probably fill up pages' worth of information.

Having been in reunion with a family halfway across the globe for 2 years complicates things, considering they only speak Mandarin and I barely know enough passable Mandarin to have a full, basic exchange. The time zone difference makes it nearly impossible to have any sort of direct contact, either.

So... check out my blog. It'll explain more of my perspective and how I have changed.

http://sisterheping.wordpress.com/

Answer 5

I adopted a beautiful, awesome baby boy from Guatemala in 2005.  With the arrival of any baby into a family, my world turned into his world.  I revolve around my son, now.    

About 3 years ago, I created a Guatemalan Families Through Adoption networking group of over 100 people who get together periodically to share experiences, recipes, and let the children socialize with others just like them.  

I became a Notary Public to assist others with adoptions for free.  

I've incorporated the Guatemalan and Mayan culture into my family activities and life.  

I've gained family (my son's natural and foster families).  

Recently, I joined kiva.org to help entrepreneurs in Guatemala.

I reach out to the Hispanic community more than I ever did before.

Answer 6

One of the nicest things about International Adoption is that it gets you more involved with immigrant cultures. We've arranged lots of contact and activities for our son but also brought a great deal of cultural activity to his peers. Korean friends joke that I make them do all sorts of things they would normally ignore because I have to be proactive about culture. We've also taken the time to promote and interest in global culture particularly at his school. It has been very successful and has giving all the children opportunities that they did not have before.