What if the pastor won't marry us because we living in sin????

Question

My fiance is christian and I am catholic he says the questions maybe personal. What do they ask you?What if they don't want to marry us? Is this a possibility since we are living together? what if I tell them I'd rather not answer that because it's too personal? help!!!

Answer 1

I think a lot of it comes down to the vicar perfoming the ceremony. Mine didn't even bat an eyelid when he realised we were living together, yet when my sister got married, hers wanted them to live apart before the ceremony.

The questions we had were [a] why do you want to marry and [b]  what date did you want to book the church!

A lot of vicars nowadays have moved with the times :)

Answer 2

I don't know why they'd ask.  Would it not be their job to make you become NOT living in sin?

I never ask - it's none of my business and a personal choice to live together before hand or not.  

Answer 3

What better way to stop living in sin is to get married.Tell the pastor you want to follow GODS law,and stop living in sin.They may give you counselor for you and your partner to get married.Be honest with the pastor,if the one you go to won't marry you there's alwasys some other pastor that will help.May Jesus be with you.

Answer 4

You and your fiance chose to live (as a married couple) prior to marriage.  If the minister doesn't want to marry you, then you will have to find someone else.  A minister is not obligated to marry you.  If you are living a lifestyle that he/she opposes, then they have a right to refuse.  By the way, virgins are not exclusive to the Catholic Church, LOL.    

Answer 5

That's why I got married in Central Park.....by a family member whom we had ordained just for the occasion. If you love someone enough to bind yourself to them for life its no ones business but theirs & yours where you sleep at night.

Answer 6

That's easy find someone else who will marry the two of you.

Answer 7

I guess you suffer the consequences of your choices then.

Answer 8

Then you go with a civil wedding. There are always consequences to our choices.

And nothing is too 'personal' when it comes to suitability for getting married!

Answer 9

I am Lutheran and my church won't marry us if we live together prior to marriage. So I think it just depends on the church and the situation. Good luck!

Answer 10

If he refuses to marry you then get your pastor to marry you instead. Contrary to what many people here say, very few RC priest will refuse to perform the wedding if only one is RC. And a liturgy of the word can be customized for you guys to make it as generically Christian as you want.

And telling them you'd rather not answer that will give away the answer, so you're out of luck there.

Answer 11

you have to find a justice of the peace.

Answer 12

I can't tell from your question if you are getting married in the Catholic church or in another Christian denomination church. But I can tell you that I recently got married in the Catholic church, and when we met with the priest, he more talked to us about who we were as people, where we worked, where we grew up, how did we meet, and that kind of thing. He never asked if we lived together (which we did). So I would say relax, go to your meeting, and answer his questions truthfully and honestly. but, unless he asks specifically, you don't have to mention that you are living together.  

Answer 13

I have actually come across this problem.  I did a wedding for a couple who couldn't find a minister to marry them because they had a child together.  I think it is wrong for ministers to do this because it should not be their place to judge.  I considered it an honor to do their wedding and they had a beautiful day.

Answer 14

I don't think they will refuse to marry you. I have never heard that.  They probably will ask, then give you a major guilt trip for doing it.  Probably as you refrain from s*x until after the marriage etc etc.  If you refuse to answer they will know but you can always say you don't want to.  I think they'd rather you answer honestly then not answer at all.  A catholic priest will most likely make you guys both go to confession, clear your sins before the wedding etc etc.

Ah the joys of dealing with churches, this is one of the reasons I just stay away from it all. lol

Good luck hun!

Answer 15

Hi and congratulations on your engagement and upcoming wedding!

Catholic IS Christian!  lol

Anyway, I take it that you are going to be married in the Catholic Church?  NO, the priest will not ask you personal questions (contrary to what everyone thinks.)

You will go in for pre-marriage classes (depends on where you live how many there are).  It's no big deal.  I did it 30 years ago.  Usually, it's about 3 classes.  There will be others too (engaged couples.)

I know plenty of couples that lived together (my son included) before marriage and they were married in the Catholic Church.

IF, for some reason, the questions are personal (I really doubt it), but if they are....then just say as you have said here...."I'd rather not answer that because it's too personal."

Answer 16

Dear Chrissy.



I have been there done that. I grew up in a very devoted christian family. Living in Sin was a NO NO. However when I met my Soon to be husband and he proposed, the relationship with my parents strained. They got to nosy in my personal life, stepped over boundaries and got in the way.

My fiance and I fought because my parents would not let me go out past 11pm. They treated there daughter who was a college JR like I was 12.

Finally, I moved out and me and my fiance got our own place...

It was 100 times better and we rarely fought. We started martial counseling at our church, and the pastor said that since we were living together me must of been sharing the same bed (Well Duah")...But we told our pastor that we were both virgins before we met and that made him a little easier but still sad that we were living together....

After he read us EVERY verse in the bible about living in sin, we moved on to Love,money,children, etc etc. Making our marriage work etc etc. He didn't dwell on that.

Honestly, it will be that hard. Just don't lie to the pastor, you don't want your marriage to be started on a lie.

Answer 17

I agree with telling the pastor that its 2008.  

Answer 18

Tell him that it is 2008 not 1930

Answer 19

Didn't Jesus die for our sins. People disapprove of our mistakes but God is always a loving God. He loves you with your mistakes and all. Go for the Pastor who is least judgmental. I don't see judging you living together as being a true Christian pastor. Be thankful if he says he won't marry you. Remind the pastor that everyone is a sinner which is why Jesus died for our sins. Then go find a real Pastor or Priest. God will lead you in the right direction.

Years ago I dated a Preacher's son and all I remember is the rules of no premarital s*x but never saw him or his family reading the BIBLE....like hello. His dad was a preacher. All I remember is RULES rules and more RULES.

Being a Christian means reading the word daily and prayer daily. Those 2 things are most important. The rules shouldn't take primary focus all the time. How would you know what rules to follow in life if you don't read the Bible or pray daily to ask God for help in life.

Find a Pastor that knows about the BIBLE.

Answer 20

I'm also Christian just like you. I'm getting married in a Christian church too. If it worries you so much maybe talk to his family since I'm guess they are Christian, but I could be wrong about that. Ask any of them if they know what questions are asked.  My mother was almost married in a Christian church, but then she didn't get married.  I don't think they ask anything personal like that, but I can't remember. Your probably going to have to do some consoling before hand if you haven't yet. But anyway he should be able to marry you, he'll just probably tell you he doesn't like your decisions.

  For those of you who think Christian is Catholic its not. Christian is Non-denominational. You have a pastor and not a priest. It's more different then Catholic in may ways.  Contrary to what many people may say.

Anyway good luck and don't worry your pastor should be able and probably will marry you.

Answer 21

Just don't be all that truthful. What he doesn't know won't kill him..or you. When me and my husband took that test, we merely answered the questions the way the priest would want us to answer them. Not our "Truthful" answers. For one thing, we both didn't want kids at all, but we answered them as if we did. The priest thought we were a perfect match. It's just a bunch of bull. A silly test of compatability. Just relax. It's amazing what they can do to make weddings even more stressful for you. Been there, done that.  

Answer 22

More than likely they will request that you live apart prior to the marriage, that's what we were told when we were living in "sin" and wanted to get married in the church,.

Answer 23

My priest has married couples that live together, but they had to go to reconciliation, which means to acknowledge that what you're doing is wrong and against the church....but most of them went through this mass weekend thing and I don't think he knows or chooses to know to be honest.

I don't understand why people want to get married in the church if they don't live what it teaches anyway.

He may refuse (I've known priests who have) or he may ask you to move out.

It doesn't matter if it 1930 or 2008, the Bible teaches what it teaches, the Church states what it States....these things don't change.  If you don't want to live within that, get married somewhere else.  No one forces you to deal with the Church.

I don't mean to be unkind, but people want age old teaching to change to suit them when they are most likely CE/Sacramental Catholics at best.

This is not geared at you, but some of the snarky anti-Church comments I read.

and yes...Catholics are Christians!

ETA AGAIN:

All Christians believe in the Virgin Mary, other wise what is the big deal about Jesus?  They just don't the Rosary or spend so much time on her.

All the thumb's down amuse me....

So, you decide you want to play soccer.....BUT you want to be allowed to play using your hands......do you expect the entire game to change the rules for you?  No...you go play volleyball....that is my point about people who want to get married in a church, like it is some kind of backdrop for their wedding production....they don't live what the church teaches, they don't follow it, and yet they want the church to rewrite the Bible for them, or bend their rules for their wedding that is only going to be an hour of the churches whole life.

If you don't want to live according to the Church or as a Christian, that is FINE....but don't complain about being asked to show it respect when you want to use it...get married at some chapel or something.

I know you aren't complaining about it.....but I still don't understand these people that walk into a church of their own free will and complain.

But...if you are getting married by a protestant church...the premarriage counseling is going to be smaller, more personal, and I can bet your bottom they will ask and may ask you to follow the teaching of the church or get married elsewhere!  ASK NOW so you can plan!

Answer 24

It is a possibility that the pastor you want won't want to marry you if you've been living together. It's also a possibility that he won't want to marry you if you don't want to disclose that information. If the pastor you've chosen doesn't want to marry you, you'll just have to find another one. Depending on what denomination you are looking at, it might take a while to find a pastor that will marry you, but you probably will find one eventually, even if it isn't in the town you want. Even then, though, the pastor might make a big deal out of the fact that you've been having pre-marital s*x. If you want a marriage in your chosen Christian denomination, this might just be something you'll have to put up with.

You might want to ask yourself why you want a Christian wedding at all, if you're not practising the religion the way you're supposed to. You might prefer to do a completely civil ceremony, or you might prefer to stop living together until you get married.