What if you think that the first meeting between the two sets of parents didn't go well?

Question

I am the mother of the groom and tonight was the first get together between us and the parents of the bride. I don't think it went well. I love the bride a lot. But everyone was so nervous and seemed on edge. Is this normal? Everyone was so uncomfortable that it was almost physically painful to be a part of it. Please tell me that it will get better!!!

Answer 1

You did not state where the meeting occurred .  and that may be part of the problem.  Did you meet in a restaurant or at someone's home?

First meetings are usually awkward unless several telephone conversations have preceded that face to face meeting.  

Simple put . . as they were interviewing you, you were interviewing them.  You are going to be related to these people, and they are going to be related to you.  And both sets of parents want to make sure their child has picked a nice family to marry into.

True story . . I was just associated with a wedding that neither parents had met each other before the afternoon of the wedding even though their children had been dating and living together for almost four years.  The Groom's parents dressed very inappropriately for the wedding and it was rather obvious after the four parents said, "Hello" to each other that the Bride's Mother and Father wanted nothing to do with the Groom's parents, they couldn't walk away fast enough!  There is no doubt in my mind that those four parents will never see each other again.

Answered by:  A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant

Answer 2

Of course it was awkward!  You've never met before, and as far as you know all you have in common is that your kids are getting married!!

Maybe you should talk to your son and soon-to-be daughter in law and see what they thought?

Perhaps you could suggest that you all do something else together (maybe in a place where it won't be so awkward if no one talks!!) so that you can all get to know each other better.

I'm sure that if you all spend a bit more time together everyone will loosen up a bit and it will become less uncomfortable.

Good luck :)

Answer 3

Everyone was nervous and distracted with stressful thoughts.  It will get better unless they are @sses but if they were your son would already know that and would have probably shared that info with you.  I bet it was just nerves.

Ask your son what he thinks, but ask in a casual and ambiguous way because it might get back to them via their daughter.  Something along the lines of "how do you think things went?"  They wouldn't be offended by that if it got back to them and it opens the door for your son to share his thoughts (and inside info).

Answer 4

It will get better. At least you did this for your children.

My family did not meet his family until my last bridal shower, it was painful for me because the people were on edge. My mother had earlier threatened she didn't plan on meeting any of the family until the wedding. I'm really glad she met them before. Trust me it will get better.

My mom loves his mom now!

Answer 5

You write:  What if you think that the first meeting between the two sets of parents didn't go well?

Just continue to be polite and gracious.  No one says you must be best pals with your son's in-laws.  It is not necessary.  You may have totally different interests or totally different lifestyles.  It is not necessary for you to be best friends.  Just remember to always be courteous and polite when around them . . . as you would act with any acquaintance.

If alone with them, you may want to tell them you love their daughter.  That may go a long way to easing the nerves.

Answer 6

I don't think it'll go well for anyone unless the parents have known each other. Everyone is tense and doesn't know what to say or do and are trying to make sure that the other family is good for their son/daughter.

Don't worry about it and maybe plan the next dinner at a nice restaurant so it's less awkward and noone serves food to the others.

Good luck :)

Answer 7

Hi,

I suspected that the 1st meeting of both sets of parents might be awkward, although they are of similar disposition in life.

We invited them onto the narrowboat for a cruise through the countryside, booze , food, & music.

Confined space, so no running away !

They soon saw the root of my plan, and got on famously together.

They still do.

Answer 8

First encounters between respective in-laws can be a low key relaxed situation like any other gathering where people are meeting others for the first time or it can be like you described.  But unless you expect to become close friends with the bride's parents I wouldn't worry about it.  The question is, were you nervous and uptight?  If you weren't then just carry on and be yourself the next time there is a gathering.  If you were then ask yourself why and try not to be next time.  I'm sure things will get better.

Answer 9

It was like that when my parents met my future in-laws. I think it's normal. Everyone is sizing each other up. At no other time in your life would you meet strangers and be expected to instantly like and accept them. Let's be honest, perhaps they aren't people you would normally be friends with. That's okay. My parents saw my in-laws at our wedding, when our children were born and on other rare occasions. My sister on the other hand spends time with both families at the same time and her husbands parents are great friends with ours. It doesn't bother me at all. They aren't family and I don't expect my in-laws to want to spend time with my parents.