What is a healthy motivation to adopt?

Question

By healthy, I mean psychologically and ethically for all involved.

Answer 1

I think, as long as your motivation is to give a child a home and provide it with love and a secure home then that's fine. More importantly in my mind is the research and preperation you go through rather than the reason. Adoptive parents could have the best reasons in the entire world but do everything wrong when it comes to actually adopting a child. Children go through a lot of trauma and grief for instance and you need to openly talk to your child about their feelings. The best thing is to talk to adoptees, adoptive parents and birth parents, read up on books, websites and talk to people who are personally experiences in adoption.

Answer 2

Knowing that you have a lot of love and the ability to parent a child and the desire to love and parent a child who needs love, parents, and a home.

Answer 3

You want to have a child to love and raise.  That's it.

Why does nobody question whether someone has a healthy motivation to get pregnant and with a biological child?

Answer 4

The love for children and an ability to provide a stable home.

The important thing is to keep it ethical. I am glad you are already thinking of that. If doing domestic adoption, make sure that the baby's mom knows all the services out there available to help her keep her baby and give her lots of room after the birth to change her mind. There are many girls pressured into making decisions that effect the rest of their lives right at the hospital! As long as she is really sure that she doens't want to parent than you can be more comfortable in your adoption. It was very important to us that our adoption was ethical and we didn't talk someone out of their child. We did have  a failed adoption from a mom that decided to parent after seeing her baby. It was painful for us but we still believe we did the right thing by being so open and letting her know it was OK to rethink things.

Answer 5

Hi Erin,

Healthy motivation wanting to parent, love and nurture a child, who really needs parents.  (foster care)

ETA:  I don't feel comfortable speaking for all involved but i can answer from the adoptive parents perspective.

*adoptive parents should do research before adopting.  Read everything you can get your hands on regarding adoption from every ones point of view.

*adoptive parents should question their motives for adopting.  ie, wanting to "save" a child, bleech

*More psychologically evaluations should be done for aparents.

*Don't agree to things to are not comfortable with.  ie, don't lie and say you are going to do an open adoption just to get a baby.

*A requirement for adoption should be that you realize adoption is not the same as a bio-child.  Your child has another family and that fact should be respected.

*A counselor should be provided for the mother independent of the adoption agency.

*mandatory training classes should be offered into issues that may happen to adoptive children, so as parents you can be aware and recognize and educated as to what is best for the child.  ie, rad & racial issues if appliciable

That is all i can think of at the moment:)

Answer 6

* Adopting for the benefit of the child - and not the benefit of the adult.

* Wanting to love and help a child to grow - but still allowing that child to know and have links to their past - that part of them that too often is discounted - even when it may feel uncomfortable to do so. (of course only if it is safe to have that contact)

* Adoption as a means for a child to have a larger family - not a replacement family.

* Remembering always that the child has no say in any of the decisions.

* Thinking of how your actions will affect the child 20 years down the track.

* Work on nurturing the child for who they are - not for who you want them to be. Work with, not against, the 'nature'.

* Helping out a pregnant woman in need - to parent - before trying to obtain her child for your own gain.

Answer 7

I had a list ready but by the time I got back to this question, Freckle Face and Possum covered it all! You two are dead on!

ETA: Ted, people question bio families motivations for pregnancy all the time! First parents are stigmatized because of these questions. It can even be used as a form of coercion - making the first mother feel as though she shouldn't parent by suggesting she hasn't got the proper "motivation" to be a parent.