What is a "happy" adoptee?

Question

What is a "happy" adoptee?

This term has taken on new meaning on this site. I'm just wondering what does this term mean for you in your own life as an adoptee, Bparent, aparent, PAP? Forget about the way it is used on this site. What do you all think makes for a "happy adoptee?"

Answer 1

I don't know that I consider anyone to be a 'happy' adoptee. Maybe just an adoptee who's come to terms with adoption and isn't 'angry'.

Answer 2

I consider myself a happy person.  I am happily married, happy mother of 2.  Happy in the persuit of a career (in college).  I am also happy because of 2  adoptive parents who love me beyond belief.  I have no ill feelings toward my birthmother she did what she thought she needed to do as a 16 year old pregnant girl.  i don't feel like i lost anything, but i gained a lot.  I guess i am happy by nature idk.  I am satisfied with my life so far.  I'm not saying that everything has been perfect it has not.  i've had some big traumas and stresses in my life but who doesn't  i just deal with it adjust and go on.  i know that won't work for everyone but it works for me.

Answer 3

One with free access to information and records regarding their own birth and their own lives, should they wish to know the truth of their origins.  Without impediment.

ditto what Laurie said about the disrespectful tofu person.

Answer 4

A "happy adoptee" is an adopted person...who is happy.

In the more complex sense, it depends on 'who' is defining "happy adoptee".  

If I'm defining it...I'm a "happy adoptee".  Because I'm (more than not) a "happy person".  Are there things that I would change?  Sure, and I'm working on it/for it.  I wouldn't change much (in the present) about my own situation because it is what it is -- and it's working.  I can't *really* go back in time.  I would like my own records, as the non-adopted can have theirs.  And I'd like us all (adopted people) to have that right, whether or not we all want/use it.  Otherwise, I'm good.

If my a-parents agency is defining it...a "happy adoptee" is a quiet, grateful, compliant, non-searching, non-reuniting, personality-free, passive, humble ('humbled'), acquiescent, obedient, perpetually "minor" wet rag.

If my a-parents are defining it...a "happy adoptee" is what they hope the 3 children they adopted are.  With the following conditions:  Feel sad if you want, but don't tell us you're sad because then we feel sad and we don't want to feel sad, even if you are.  Search if you want, but don't ask us to help because we would prefer that you 'pretend' (with us) that you were a blank slate that came to us without needs, loss, grief or issues -- and from the cabbage patch, not a mother.  Have a relationship with your mother if you want, but don't tell us anything good about her because we'd rather believe we are better than she is and we "saved" you.  Work/Advocate for reform if you want, but don't expect us to help (or support you in that, or vote for the reforms you want) because it (closed, sealed adoption) worked out just fine for us.

Besides the above, they love us all 'equally' and want us all to be (their definition of) happy.

Take care!

Answer 5

Well there isnt one on yahoo. Wow have you read some of these ppls post. Some of these ppls are 40 years old still b**ching about their childhood. I personally think these people would have been miserable regardless of who raised them  

Answer 6

I think it's a good situation where parents love you for who you are. They don't hide information, and whenever possible, contact with bparents is available. It's knowing that as an adoptee you are loved, wanted and treated as if you were a biological child. It's not playing favourites between adopted and biological children and making sure that the focus is always on what's best for the children. Talking about birth parents may be hard on the adoptive parents, but it's not about them, it's about the child knowing where the came from, who they are! That's what I think, I just hope that when I adopt, I can do all of this!  

Answer 7

I think a happy adoptee is someone who is okay with themselves, whether they always have been, or whether they have worked through the trauma of being adopted.

I am a happy survivor of abuse. Seems to be a weird statement to me, but it is true. I still have some days where it makes me want to cry, but generally, I have worked through a lot of my issues surrounding it.

Whether you are reunited, wanted to reunite or not, had great aps or horrible ones, as adults we can find a path toward happiness as we learn to love ourselves no matter what. Does that make sense?

Answer 8

I'm not sure what it means for everyone else, but for me? I'm just thankful I was given a chance at life and it has nothing to do with being adopted by billionaires. My family's are FAR from that and I love my life. Also Knowing my whole life that I was chosen by God and my family for this life makes it all the better. I know my life has a purpose.

Answer 9

unfortunely i have come to the understanding that a happy adoptee is one who insults others on this site who wish to have reforms in adoption or wants reunion with their birth mother. they are the ones who complain that the angry adoptee pushes their feelings on them, yet they turn right around and insult adoptees on here with questions or answers that state be thankful u are not aborted. Like i stated before if you are happy then why insult. i'm happy, my adoptive parents know i;m on here.

if someone states to me they don't want to meet their b-mom i don't tell them they are in a fog. but they are the first to tell me i have low self-esteem and go jump off a bridge, again if you are happy why say this?

to me a happy adoptee is one who is fine with their adoption but does not go around insulting others because they want reforms or have reunion with their b-mom.

Answer 10

Honestly, it has no meaning for me outside of this site. I know happy people and unhappy people. Some of the happy people I know are adoptees. But they don't identify themselves as "happy adoptees," and I don't think of them in those terms. (Some of them are clearly unhappy about adoption, even though happy in general. The others don't talk about adoption, one way or the other.)

So for me the term only has significance in terms of what seems to be the underlying argument among people here.  

Answer 11

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnVMTs0St...

IMO, this is what a "happy adoptee" is.  At least, if I take the opinions of the "EXTREME pro-adoption regardless of its effects on human beings" folks.  (The song starts after 1:50, just so's ya know.  Skip past it.)

Answer 12

One who has been adopted by billionaires.

Answer 13

Outside of this site, I've actually never heard the term "happy adoptee."  So, it has no relevant meaning outside of here.  

The only thing I can say is that a person can be generally happy, despite being displeased with certain areas of his or her life.  For example, someone may not like certain parts of his job, but generally be quite happy otherwise.  Another person may not be happy at all about medical expenses that have been incurred due to a one's own or a family member's illness, coupled with mediocre insurance coverage.  But, the person may be quite satisfied with most aspects of his or her life.  This is actually the reality for most people.  Most people are not happy with every single aspect of their lives from start to finish.

All of that said, I do not like many of the practices and laws that make adoption what it is in the U.S.  I don't like the idea of seeing these laws and practices continue to affect people.  Does this mean my life sucks?  But I'm quite happy with my life and within myself most of the time.  Like any other person, I have my days.  But, that's par for life's course.  

I think, therefore, that the term falls very short in encompassing the reality of human beings' lives.  It puts forth the idea that a person is fully defined by one aspect of his or her life.  Such a one-faceted view is inadequate to describe people.

For the record, the majority of people here who discuss the negative affects that adoption may have had on them are not "b*****ing" about their childhoods.  What they are doing is sharing what it was like so that others can learn about the possible affects.  This can be a very useful tool for people considering adoption or relinquishment.  It can also be a very useful tool for other adopted persons.  Unfortunately, there are going to be some folks who use that as a weapon against those willing to open up, as some people just seem to be prone to be rude, lacking in insight, and inconsiderate no matter what.

Answer 14

Not a nice term. I wouldn't use it and I am a foster mom  for the last 15 years. Family is family some by choice and some biologically. Sometimes you can chose your family. Sometimes your family chooses you.

Answer 15

Someone who's dealt with the adoption issues in their lives in a positive way, without getting bitter and getting some warped mindset that adoption is pure evil, that all APs are greedy infertiles, (or mentally unbalanced) and stereotyping and twisting things.

There's some Happy adoptees here, but the majority of the vocal ones, unfortunately have not dealt with their issues and come to terms with their lives, so they take it out on others.

We ALL have things in our lives that suck big time. I may have been raised by my biological parents, but there's still things about my life that are WAY less than ideal and that I had no control over. The point is, I have to come to terms with it and sort it out. It doesn't help anything if I blame all my problems on the fact that I had such and such things wrong with my life.... it also doesn't help if I try to find some group of people to blame and stereotype them as all being a certain way.

My problems are my problems. My personality issues, etc, are my own dumb fault, not my parents, and the things that aren't in my control (for example, my infertility, or the fact that I didn't have a sister) I just have to accept and move on and make the best of my life without resorting to trying to pin them on a group of people (for example, other mothers that smoked while pregnant, like mine did)

That would make me a "happy person"