What is adequate punishment for a 9yr old sneaking p**n?

Question

My 9 yr old was taking my laptop into her room and watching movies. That was fine. I later found a p**n dvd in her bed hid under the covers on the top bunk. She got a spanking and was grounded for a week. Me and my husband sat her and my biological 9 yr old down and had a talk about p**n, s*x, tattoos, and piercings. We destroyed that dvd in front of them and after they went to bed destroyed the other two movies we had. There is no p**n of any type in our house! BTW my bio 9 yr old is the one who found the porno and brought it to her step dad. That's been like two months ago. This morning I was looking for a dvd case and on the top bunk I found a porno dvd brochure. The 9 yr old shares a room with her 3 yr old sister. Now shes gonna get another spanking and her trip to my mother's taken away and grounded from tv for two weeks. Is that enough? Too much? I don't think its rebellion cause none of the girls have a problem getting enough attention and they all get along. Me and my husband have been married almost 6 months now. She and the 3 yr old sees their bio mom every other weekend for 5 supervised hours (due to her drugs and alcohol abuse and wild ways and she says 5 hours is fine as long as they are gone by 7pm for her to go out). What's your opinion?

Answer 1

What?? Where is she getting p**n brochures?

My honest opinion.......and I am sure you will not like it.......stop bringing p**n into your house and start controlling yourself! There is no excuse for a child to be able to find p**n in any house! Children are naturally curious.......they will find ANYTHING!

What does her "wild" mother have to do with anything? This child did not find p**n at her house, she found it at your house!

You need to take responsibility for this, not the child! She should not have been spanked, grounded or any thing else! This was entirely your fault!

EDIT** Again, WHERE did she get the p**n brochure? Did it fall from the sky?

Answer 2

she is just curious i mean why ground her yes s*x is wrong when your young but you should talk to her just you and her and ask her why she keeps looking at it.im 18 and my mother is away so its me and my 9 year old sister she gets in to trouble sometimes look at stuff she shouldnt and i talk to her about.When she first discoverd p**n yes we had a few problems at school and at home but we worked out just talk to her!

Answer 3

sorry i think  you are going about it all wrong, i don't think she needs punished but guided talk to her about s*x it's normal to be curious about it, 9 years is a bit young to be interested in s*x though so there also is the possibility she is being abused

i'm not saying you need to allow p**n or anything like that, but by denying s*x exists or making it seem wrong you are setting your daughter up to either fear s*x or go headlong into promiscuity as a form of rebellion

Answer 4

I think she's just being a curious kid. I really don't think spanking is a good punishment for being sexually curious though. Obviously she is getting this from somewhere I would focus more on where she's getting it from and talk to her about what it is she wants to know. You said you talked to her about s*x but maybe there is more she's wanting to know. Better it comes from you then someone else...or more p**n.

Answer 5

I need to say that i agree with what ZAZA said, I also need to mention , it is wrong for you to spank her when she knows that the p**n came from your room and the fact that she knows her parents watch it so why cant I.

Also, NEVER punish a child by keeping her from seeing her mother. That is so very wrong. Don't punish her mother for something you had in YOUR house that shouldn't have been there or should have been out of reach hidden in a place they cant get to. i'm sorry but listen to what everyone is saying, you are in the wrong and handling it very badly. Not her fault, but yours.

Answer 6

i think you are dealing with it all wrong.  Is there a social worker involved in the kids situation considering shared access etc?? I would be very concerned about a child so young having such an obsession.  All the spanking in the world is not going to get rid of it.  It needs to be dealt at the source.  Was she exposed to people having s*x at any stage.  Has she been anywhere that somebody might have touched her.  This a very delicate area.  Thread carefully and speak to a profesional.  There no point making s*x a taboo subject or the kids will have a very unhealthy attitude towards the most natural thing in the world as adults.

This child might need psychological help, its not normal behaviour . It could be a cry for help!!

Best of luck

Answer 7

She's Just a curious child... First of all don't allow her to go in her room when she's on your computer,make it somewhere where you can monitor what she is doing.  

Answer 8

I think instead of simply spanking her, which may work for less complicated bad behaviour, you need to address this problem in a different way. Firstly, I agree with you that it is not acceptable that a girl of her age is looking at p**n and that it must be stopped. However, it is necessary to find out why she is doing it. Maybe she is being defiant and naughty or laughing about it because she thinks it is gross. But I think you also have to consider the fact that this may be a warped way of her expressing curiosity. She might have "heard about" s*x but does not know what it is. For example her classmates may have said something about it and she may feel that she doesn't know but should know about it. In the U.K. the gov. are thinking of making schools give kids s*x ed. earlier because they are becoming aware of it at a younger age, probably due to media, etc. Anyway, by spanking her and punishing her in the same way you would for, say, swearing at you or stealing, you risk inadvertently teaching her that s*x itself is wrong. Maybe sit down with her and ask her what she knows about s*x and does she have any questions she would like to ask. Although this might be awkward for you and maybe her, it is probably alot heathlier than what she might have learned from the dvd's she's watched. Also tell her that those dvd's are for mature adults and that she is too young to understand what they are all about and that you want her to promise you that she will stay away from them. Good luck anyway. Also make sure you emphasise the difference between p**n and s*x between consenting adults. I don't think you have to explain yourself as to why you and your husband have p**n, why shouldn't you have it. It's just not for kids, that's all.

Answer 9

I think you are going about this the wrong way. Now your child feels as though s*x is a shameful thing. You want your child to feel they can come to you with questions about s*x. By spanking and groudning them for things like this promote what they are curious about is wrong. I'm a christian and believe p**n is an evil thing is this world and therefore would not allow it in my house. However, at that age i was courouis as well. I would talk with her more and ask why she wants to look at those things. How she feels about them. Make it open. When this happens your child knows they can come to you and are less likely to get their information from their friends, and less likely to exiperment with s*x at early ages.

Answer 10

Try to find out why she wants to watch the movies.  If it is just curiousity (children are naturally curious) punishment is probably not what the child needs.  She needs a frank discussion about s*x.  Maybe you could get a book about s*x that is geared toward children, and answer any questions she has.  If you punish her, she will always think sexuality is a taboo subject that she can't broach with you.  It maybe that she has been exposed to s*x in some way by an adult and that this is a cry for help.  Talk to her and find out what is going on.  My friend had a child that was asking other kids to do things to him, it turned out he was being molested by two teenagers.

Answer 11

Well she's just curious about that stuff. And she's probably troubled since she's going through stuff with her mom and all. Please don't spank her. Try to be nice to her and tell her calmly that p**n isn't approperiate for such a young age group if she tries to do it again. But don't make it seem like s*x is a shameful thing.

Answer 12

Honestly, I think you may want to sit her down and talk to her about the effects of pornography on a family.  Ask her where she got the DVD and address the source of the DVD.  She needs to know the severity of something like this.  I don't believe that a spanking was in order.  She's nine years old and even if she was curious, it's still not appropriate.  Ask her if she has some questions about s*x.  If she does, address them and answer them.  I would also watch to see if she shows signs of sexual molestation, which can also cause an unnatural interest in s*x at a young age.  

I would keep a close eye on her and restrict privacy for a little while, except for the privacy when going to the bathroom or taking a bath obviously.  

Answer 13

ask her where she got it from. then take actions so that she can't get a hold of it.  if its from a friend, ban that friend. and tell the friends parents.  a gril that small should have trouble even getting a dvd. they must be going around in the school or something.  

Answer 14

My mom never punished me like that when I found her s*x book... and to put s*x along with tattoos and piercings is kind of weird too.

I think that you should have sat her down and explained the birds and the bees to her, let her know that pornography isn't appropriate for her to be looking at, and told her that if she had any questions to come to you.

I think you're setting yourself up for a knocked up 14 year old because she's obviously very curious and interested in s*x and since she feels like she can't trust you or come to you now that you've physically hurt her for her natural sexual curiosity, when she does sneak behind your back and have s*x she won't come to you for advice, condoms, birth control, whatever.

Sorry to be so blunt... but that's what I think.