What is an Adoption Stalker?

Question

Please explain to me the difference between an adoption stalker and an ordinary garden variety stalker? If you parented a stalker then you parented a stalker. Is it a heridetary trait? Do adoption stalkers only stalk members of the adoption triad? Do they only stalk members of their DNA chain? Do they stalk differently than garden variety stalkers?

Answer 1

sombody who is so desprate to know there roots that they go after everybody to find out.

Answer 2

I don't believe an adoption stalker exists.  For extremists who ask what if the adoptee won't respect the birth mothers right to privacy, I say get a restraining order like everyone else.  Personally, i believe in the "adoption stalker" as much as i believe in big foot and the loch ness monster.

No difference a stalker is a stalker.  I don't believe just because you are adopted you turn into a stalker when looking for your family of origin.

Answer 3

A stalker is a stalker.  Just because the person happens to be related by blood and an (*gasp*) ADOPTION occurred doesn't make the person a different "type" of stalker.

The Carol Sandusky case (link given in Carnie's post) involved a social worker who made repeated unwanted contact and gave out an adoptee's physical address without the adoptee's permission.   I don't believe in Confidential Intermediary systems, either.  I agree that a third party shouldn't have a right to my records while I don't have a right to them.

Answer 4

A stalker is a stalker.  Unfortunately any Adult Adoptee seeking their own records of birth are portrayed by the media, society and folks like the NCFA as stalkers.  It's so, so wrong and dehumanizing to have what equates to a restraining order slapped upon you simply because you were adopted as a child

Answer 5

roger siegel, adoption stalker

http://www.crimesceneblog.com/?cat=19

and to be fair --

http://waysandmeans.house.gov/legacy/hum...

someone else had posted these links before which brought them to mind.  these people have serious issues.

Probably a small percentage; but i do know for a fact that there are people who won't accept no as an answer and no, it's not as easy as contacting your location (adoption) Police and getting a restraining order.

Now, Garden Variety Stalkers -- i see those little gnomes coming around in my garden checking out my fertilizer and making sure i'm organic.  I only see them for a moment out there admiring my tomatoes and then *poof* they're gone before i can get out there.  Sometimes, they leave me notes telling me i'm not talking to my plants enough . . .*shivers*  i'm starting to wonder about them . . .

Lori, if it was a normal person who lives in your area, it's easy to get a restraining order; however, if they're states away and contacting everyone you know even after you said no, it's not that easy.  Police are under the misconception that it's your family and therefore no harm.  but if someone doesn't want contact and they continue contact attempts, then there's harm, no?  Tell 'em no all you want but it doesn't always work.  Cops don't view it the same way as they would an ex-boyfriend or something like that.

and you're right about the control issue; however, i do believe that some adoptees or bparents do cross the line but I'm not saying that EACH AND EVERY ONE does.  But there are those that do not accept no for an answer and continue making contact -- that is harrassment!   but it's not deal with the same way a 'garden variety' stalker would be.  It's not a control issue but they feel their "right to know" supercedes one's right to life as they know it.  regardless of what side it is, adoptee or birthparent.  I've seen many sites where people are encouraged to 'keep trying' even though the found one said no because "eventually, they'll come around"; or "start calling their relatives, they'll come around then".  I've seen it with my own eyes.  It's apalling.

Answer 6

An adoption stalker is someone who creates an alias and comes into a forum to post about someone else they don't like under a new account so their "reputation" from their "known" account isn't ruined.

It happens to me every few weeks or so. I wish they'd at least come over and clean my house if they want to get that close and personal.

I have one yahoo account, and I say what i want with Gershom. I never have, and never will make a fake account just to come in here and "stir the pot." My email account is always open, if someone has something to say to me thats too foul for the boards, feel free to send it in email.

So sad.

Answer 7

Some adopted adults can't understand the rejection the second time when they try to meet their b-mom's. Which to a point i will never get, why these b-mom's would treat their kid like scum, just because they wanted contact. Then in turn their child tries to see in their b-mom's heart and mind as to why they feel this way. OH, well. My b-family welcomed me with open arms, and i'm happy for that.

Answer 8

Hi Lori,

There is no DNA gene for stalking.  If adoption did make stalkers out of people, then it would not make sense to continue legal adoption.  

There is no reason to believe that adoptees will end up being stalkers.  There is simply no evidence in all the years adoption has been open in all the states that it is.  In the very small number, maybe 1% of natural mothers who truly do not wish a relationship with their adult child, all they need to do is say so.  Preventative restraining orders against all adoptees is uncalled for, unfair, and is presumption of guilt when there is none there.

Most importantly of all, even if a natural parent does not wish contact with an adult adoptee, they are not authorized to speak for all of the other relatives in the family, which by the way, are also the ADOPTEE'S relatives.  The adoptee does have a right to associate with them if both parties choose to.  No parent, natural or adoptive, has the right to control who their adult child associates with once they become adults.  That is no more stalking than anyone else in society who looks up a long-lost relative or friend and makes contact with them.  That is not against the law.  It is not likely that every single person in any given family would refuse contact with a long-lost child anyway.  Adoptees deserve personal answers.

People need to accept that if they choose to relinquish a child for adoption, they do not permanently go away forever.  It's very likely that someday that child is going to at least want some answers from them.  There is no getting away from that moral responsibility.  Anyone who relinquishes has 18 years to prepare for that day.  That is not stalking.  If someone cannot accept their child will likely return, then they need to rethink whether or not adoption is really the best option for them.

Sounds to me that people who would accuse adoptees of being stalkers for no reason, are the same cold, fearful people who might be grasping for any old reason to keep adoptees from having equal rights to the rest of society.  Thanks for asking.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 9

There's no difference at all.  

Thanks for drawing attention to the fact that some people believe all adoptees who want to know more about our origins are, perforce, stalkers.