What is an appropiate punishment for our 5 year old who dented my husband's car door?

Question

My 5 year old accidently dented my husband's car door when he opened it too quickly, causing it to hit the support beam in the garage. It was an accident, however, he has been reminded and reminded not to open the door too quickly because our garage is smaller and there is no way to avoid the beams. I am stuck on figuring out an appropriate grounding because I tried time outs, which hasn't worked in the long run, focing an apology is futile and since it hasn't taught him that damaging someone else's property is not only wrong, it causes hurt feelings and actions need to follow the words; he doesn't seem to think twice about not repeating naughty behaviors. Please help.

Answer 1

he is only five...I NEVER punish my children for ACCIDENTS..unless it was done during a fit of rage...children move quickly and the garage being small is not his fault..from now on just open the car door for him..or let him out before you park in the garage...im sure he didnt intend on denting the car..the car is already dented, there is nothing you can do about that...good luck :-)

Answer 2

He's a normal rambunctious 5 year old.  They do these things.  Give him a break and stop being so punishment obsessed.

Answer 3

Either way, it was still an accident. Tell him that it is okay, but remind him to be careful.

Answer 4

I have a 5 year old too....maybe make him help out with simple chores or something to help *earn* money to help pay for fixing the door. Right now with ours, we are trying that he starts with 3 dollars a week, when he's naughty or doesn't eat or clean his room, he loses a quarter or a dime. Five year olds are tough, they're older, but they still don't seem to "get it" at times!! Any way you can pad that support beam???

Answer 5

If it's an accident, don't punish him!

Answer 6

You just said it was an ACCIDENT so why are you looking to punish him?  He is 5 years old not 15 you are expecting him to have cognative powers of an adult when he is only a child.  Of course you have to keep reminding him about things because he is only 5.  Boy it must suck to be your child.

Answer 7

If it was an accident I would not punish him that much. Make him write a letter to his dad telling him how sorry he is. If you think he really needs a punishment...have him lose 3 days of tv or something he likes. I hope this helped.

-Tara

Answer 8

My 5 year old son and I bake all the time and he is so sloppy and impulsive that I constantly have to bite my tongue.  After all, I want him to continue trying to do things.  I strongly believe that there is only so much you can expect of a 5 year old because they don't have the same motor control and self-discipline as an adult does (and some adults don't either, in my mind).  

It sounds like there is not enough space for him to open the door, so, can you park in a more open space?  Can the kids get out before the car is parked in its final space (my grandfather does that even for my grandmother).

I don't think he is being naughty by hitting the door against the post like he does.  Does he think he's going to get into trouble for things anyway that are beyond his current capabilities to handle better?, so he has learned to cope with the frustration of his parents?  I don't know - it's only a thought.

I would give him the benefit of the doubt, being 5 years old, that he really isn't capable of handling the kinds of things that us adults take for granted.  I get annoyed too fast...am so guilty of it and I myself need to take a step back.

Another thought...how about, instead of punishing him for making a mistake (semi-deliberate or not), try saying that if he goes a week without hitting the car door on the post, you will buy him a toy school bus, or a book about his favourite character or something.  That REALLY works with my son.

Answer 9

He should do chores around the house to earn the money to pay for fixing the damage. Naturally he cannot do enough chores to make back the hundreds of dollars it would take to fix the dent but he should be helping you unload the dishwasher and put away groceries and fold laundry the rest of the summer and if he was in T-ball or soccer or something else where the season has not yet started (if he has started the season he should stay because he has committed to the team) it should be canceled.

Not swimming lessons because that is an important life skill. An art class or field trip -- yes. Those can happen next year if his behavior warrants it.

Cancel staying with Grandma or other relatives if applicable. Tell him if he is going to be destructive you cannot trust him at Grandmas and he has to earn back your trust by not damaging property for the rest of the summer.

Yes it will give you and your husband less of a break but you need to commit to this now so you do not have escalating problems later.

Cancel his favorite treat for the summer. If he likes red popsicles or to go out for frozen yogurt say he cannot have any of it for the rest of the summer.

Other than that -- the damage is done. There is not much he can do to fix it other then doing chores to try to make up for it.

Hopefully these lessons will stay with him. And of course do it all in a loving way -- not hostile.

ETA: Thumbs down? Wow. Someone doesn`t like to discipline their kids. I am not suggesting these as punishment. The word discipline comes from disciple but kids cannot always learn everything only from being spoken to about it. Loving discipline and firm but not outrageous consequences will bring our society back from its disrespectful current direction.

Answer 10

he's only 5. if your garage is not big enough to open the car doors, I would keep it locked and open the door for him myself.

Answer 11

You say what an accident it was, then you blame him like he did it on purpose!!!!!!! Make up your mind!

Answer 12

It was an accident. No discipline required. What you talked about to him is enough.

Answer 13

Do you have a job that he can do, such as weeding an area of garden as a punishment?

In the meantime could you put something like pieces of old carpet on the walls, so that if he does open the doors too quickly, then the car won't get damaged?

Answer 14

Simple....

Tell your kid, he no longer can touch the door.  Someone has to let him in, someone has to let him out.  It cuts down on his independence a bit so it seems like punishment when in actuality it keeps him from denting the door again.

(Oh, and a 5 yr old is not as strong as an adult and therefore cannot control a car door like and adult can, you have to give it a big shove just to get it open, and we are drawing on some fine lines as to just how big a shove you need to give that door to open it without it swinging wide and hitting something)

Answer 15

Smash his testicles in the car door. Trust me...he'll learn not to do it again.

Answer 16

I think that the punishment should always fit the crime.

This was an accident, but you had warned him not to do it. However, you failed to give him a consequence and carry through with it each time he opened the door too quickly. You should have said: if you open the door too fast you will have a time out.

If you just give time outs whenever he does something wrong, but which, as you say, he doesn't understand to be wrong, then he will see no rhyme or reason to your discipline and thus, will not follow your rules because he cannot predict when and if he will get in trouble.

The only truly appopriate punishment I can see is to put the "child lock" on the car and not allow him to open is own door for a week (or two) and each time you let him out remind him that this is because he wasn't careful. In the future, he will be more careful.

But also, in the future, you must give him a consequence to a rule and follow through with it each time, whether or not the damage is done.

Answer 17

Oh please - he's 5 and it's an accident.  News flash:  He's not doing it on purpose!  Other news flash:  he probably can not control the door and the amount of space he has to work with.  He should not be punished.  Why don't you try letting him out of the car before you pull in the driveway?  Or try opening the door for him?

Answer 18

i agree with dapiek, he shouldnt open the door hes only 5 he cant control the door.  you open it from now on and if you dent it you go in a time out.

Answer 19

it was an acciDENT

they shouldn't be punished

Answer 20

not to be rude or anything but you are more to blame for the damage to the door than your son is. if this has been an ongoing problem then you should have put something to stop the beam from doing damage to your car. it could have happened to you or your husband as well. your son is not to blame.

Answer 21

take away priveledges for the day (and a day seems like such little time, but in a 5 yr old's mind it FOREVER). take away things like tv, toys, movies, playing outside... whatever he REALLY enjoys doing. just tell him he cannot play outside (or watever) today bc he opened the door too fast and u told him not to.