What is appropriate interaction between men and children?

Question

I'm a senior in high school and plan on being an elementary school teacher after college. Right now I am working in an after school program at the park district. Most of the kids are really affectionate and will hug, sit on my lap, and nag for piggy-back rides. Since I am a male, the boys tend to be around me more than girls, and nothing inappropriate has happened or will ever happen. The reason I bring this up is because I have read a few articles where men have been practically shunned away from any childcare employment because they are seen as potential predators and child molesters. I would never want to see that done to a child, and I want to keep my job. I believe in the importance of having a positive male role model and was just wondering what ideas anyone (especially moms) have about how I should interact with the kids to avoid any hint of suspicion whatsoever.

Answer 1

I worked at a summer camp and the main thing was no boys sat in male counselors laps.

Because of obvious reasons.

Have them sit on your knee [if you are cross legged] or next to you.

If you feel its not right then don't do it.

But I wouldn't assume giving piggy back rides is bad or anything like that.

Good luck!

Answer 2

just be yourself around them.  i don't think you should have to try to act different so you won't be thought of as suspicious just because you're a man.  i think that if you like what you do, then stick with it, no matter what anybody thinks.  it seems like you are good with kids so i don't think anyone will have any problems just because you are a guy.  it's really nice to see that men still want to be positive role models for today's kids.  you will make a difference in so many young lives!  best of luck in all you do!

Answer 3

One of my ex in laws worked at a daycare facility and he was not allowed to change of any of the childrens diapers because men aren't allowed to do that. So I guess you are right about men being shunned away from childcare.

I think you are just fine playing with the kids. Just never be alone with any of the children and you should have nothing to worry about.

Answer 4

I really don't see any problem with hugs when they need one or piggy-back rides, playing tag but I would watch the sitting on the lap and tickling them because that is when questions start to get asked.  Make sure to get to know as many of the parents that you can that way they know you and you build a trust "relationship" with them.  Some kids are just affectionate, i know my cousins little boy is but I can understand your concern because it is easy for people to take things out of context with so many kids getting molested and raped and kidnapped.  I unfortunatly was working at a daycare where there was only 1 male employee and they found out he was video taping the 3 and 4 year old girls naked and in their underware.  He is doing life in prison so yes most men are turned away from jobs like that now.

Answer 5

Good question , you are right to be concerned , we live in a " Sue" happy world . Don't be too affectionate with them . REALLY ! ..and first off DON'T let them sit on your lap , that's just not appropriate . Maybe you mean nothing by it but believe me people are watching , it only takes one small remark to destroy your good name ...be very very careful , if I've scared you  good , maybe it will hep don't learn the hard way when you can't turn back ...Good Luck

Answer 6

Dont go into the bathroom with the girls when they are using the bathroom and also if one of the girls is upset such as crying maybe you should get one of your co workers who is an female to see what the problem may be.

Answer 7

Having been through training at my church to avoid situations that would make parents question intentions, I can tell you to be careful that you are not alone with the children. I wouldn't tickle them (as squirmy children can make hands go into inappropriate places) and I'd caution hugs and sitting on lap.

Hugs are iffy because children need that interaction. Piggy Back rides would not be an issue to me, if I saw a caregiver doing this with my child.

The program should have guidelines as to behavior like this. If they don't, you should probably bring it up to them. Not only for the children's sake, but for theirs. The program at my church is for everyone's protection, so that parents can't come in and make false claims about the situation in a classroom. (the Boy Scout's program is very similar)

Answer 8

Instead of a full, frontal hug try a one-armed hug.  It's less "intimate."  

I'm kinda in the same situation as a Cubmaster for Cub Scouts.  I'm a female, but I'm surrounded by boys, ages 6-9, and they like to give hugs.  I don't do "frontal" hugs.  I give them a one-armed hug and a pat on the back.  (Sometimes a person just needs a hug, adults and children alike.)  I also explain to them about personal space and that it is not appropriate to set in my lap or for me to carry them.  I tell them that is something that you do with mommies and daddies and grandparents.  Used to, when I set down, here they come running to set with me, so now, I just don't set at all in our meetings.  I do shake their hands and give high-fives to congratulate them.  I also never put myself in a situation where I am alone with a child, one-on-one.  Since my son is a scout, I keep him with me as a witness.  Never be one-on-one with a child!  No matter how good you get along, because things can go wrong and stuff get turned around before you know whats happening.  Watch out for yourself first and foremost.

Hang in there though.  As you go through college you'll learn what is appropriate and acceptable contact, and what isn't.  Also whatever school you end up working at will have guidelines set for you, and if you're ever unsure just ask.

Answer 9

as long as you are not spending all the time with the girls or one girl in particular it will be okay. Don't touch unneccisarily either

Answer 10

this is something that BOTH men and women need to think about. there is nothing wrong with being a role model to a child and letting them know that somebody out there cares about them. however though as professionals we must be very cautious as these are not our own children. if you are going to hug them do a one armed side hug instead of a front hug...much less intamate. do not have the children sit on your lap, let them sit next to you instead. this allows them to still be close to you if the wish but raises no questions about your intentions with the child. i think we often worry too much about males interactions with young children when the reality is that women can be predators/molestors also. if it feels inapropriate then it is. use your best judgement and do the best you are capable of doing and know there is aabsolutely nothing wrong with being a good positive role model to a child!

Answer 11

Piggyback rides - OK

sitting on laps, maybe not

fishing - OK

reading stories - OK

Just make sure there is ALWAYS someone else around.

Answer 12

u should just keep it professional i would say don't be their new friend be their teacher...........u go help them learn and understand not piggy back ride or play or whatever......... as long as u keep it professional everything will be fine....

Answer 13

I think male role models are very important.  Just keep doin what you're doin...people will get to know you and won't suspect you of doing anything.  Good luck becoming a teacher!

Answer 14

Today my local Y sent out a "Child Abuse Prevention Policy" to inform of how staff are trained. I found a copy from another Y...it looks like the same thing I read today..

http://www.tucsonymca.org/site/c.grLOK1P...

As your education continues, I'm sure things like this will be addressed. I'm sure all schools and parks have a policy. Good luck :)

Answer 15

Nothig wrong with the way you think, just keeping doing what you do for the kids. If there were only more people like you.

Answer 16

Teachers in Australia are now no longer allowed to hug children (I believe this is a sad situation). Unfortunately predators do exist. Make sure that you are never alone with any one child (male or female) and consider that while a hug may be harmless to you, a child (or adult) who has suffered any form of abuse may see this differently and you may wind up having to defend your actions (sad but true).

I am a mother and I wouldn't object to the occasional hug to my children by a trusted carer but I do always keep my eyes open when it comes to very affectionate care givers as one can never be too careful when it comes to the wellbeing of innocent children.

good Luck :)