What is best in a relationship with someone who has bipolar disorder?

Question

I've been friends with this guy for a LONG time, and we have spent a lot of time dating. We really get along, better than either of us have ever gotten along with anyone else, and we really connect. He has severe bipolar disorder and is also ADD... and he takes me on the craziest roller coaster you have ever imagined. He cycles through realizing that he needs/cares about me to thinking that the only reason he wants to be around me is because of hormones. When he is on an upward climb in mood, things go great, but of course it's the opposite when he goes down. He tells me that either he doesn't deserve me or that I don't have what he needs to be happy, he blames his hormones and says that he is sinning before God (even though we haven't DONE anything! Seriously, he has kissed me on the face and hands, and that is it.), and he tells me that he's a jerk and he can never fix himself. I care about HIM and I tell him that a person can have problems, but that doesn't mean that I love him any less. I really do love him, and I've tried not to. He'll hit his low point, and then he'll not talk to me for a while. Then after a few days or a week, he usually bounces up again and we are 'friends' for a day, and then the next day he wants to hold my hand again! The interesting thing is his cycles of going up and down as far as our relationship is concerned have been getting shorter and more frequent, but because our relationship has progressed (although maybe not much when compared with other people) it hurts more and more every time. I know that I have to be patient, but I also can't expect him to change. And although he admits that we are definitely in some sort of relationship, he will not say that we are IN A RELATIONSHIP, and he also has this crazy idea about how he won't kiss me on the mouth because then he would be 'mine and no one else's.' I don't know... Honestly I feel I want to throw in the towel sometimes, but I don't know if that is what I should do. I tell my best friend about it, and he told me I should stay away from him, but then when I divulged ALL the details (because this is even MORE complicated than I'm writing here), he changed his view on the situation and said that I need to talk to him and get him to talk to someone else about some things, too.

Is there any hope out there? Does anyone have a story about how they tried to date someone w/ bp for a LONG time, and it eventually worked out? Or am I just a hopeless case?

No matter what, I will always care about him, and what I really want more than pretty much anything else is just for him to be happy.

Oh, and he's about to go away to school again, and last time he was away he had to come home after a year because his bp got so bad, so I know he's REALLY nervous and scared about it. I think maybe that is one of the reasons why he's acting to erratic lately with me?

Answer 1

Let him go and find a mentally stable man. Stop wasting your life.

Answer 2

I am BP I and ADHD.  I am on Depakote, which is an anti-convulsant medication and it has been a God send to me!  I am also on Zoloft and that is a blessing.  I highly recommend your friend to see a psychiatrist and start some therapy.  This does not mean he is "crazy"!  BP is a horrible mental disorder and the last thing you should do is avoid him or leave him.  You have already been such a good friend it seems like and I think he may have a piece of your heart or you wouldn't be asking for help.  Look up some doctors for him or if he does not have insurance look up your local health department.  There are plenty of clinics out there willing to help people with mental disorders.  His biggest challenge is taking the meds and staying on them.  I have been on my meds for over 10 years now with no side effects, no health problems, and have not had any "episodes" (highs or lows).  God bless and good luck.

{violet is an idiot, dont listen to her}

Answer 3

I dated some1 who had bp, he was terrible 2 b around until he got on the right meds. So that's my advice, get him 2 a doctor, get him on meds so he'll start acting normal, gl

Answer 4

I am Bipolor myself.I also have ADHD nd really high anxitiy.I have been in a relationship for almost three year.I am alot like your bf I go off the deep end alot.I have pushed my whole fmily away nd i dont have alot of friends.But I have always had my bf.It has been on the rocky side a few times.But I asked my bf why he puts up with this crapp all the time when i was in a betta mood.He said when ya love someone you will be there for them no matter how crazy they get.He is also the one who has kept me from suicde many of times.Just be kind to him nd always treat him normall.Hope everything looks up 4 ya soon.