What is expected of a culturally different girl who joins the workplace?

Question

Sorry guys, this became a bit long, but hope you'd read this n give me some suggestions/insights. I needed some honest opinions.

Suppose u are working in a close-knit predominantly white workplace (usa) and I (I am Indian Asian) join the workplace. Is there something you expect from me inorder for me to feel accepted and feel part of the workplace? Does the fact that I am of a completely different culture (and look and talk different and am even a little shy/introverted) be LESS in my favor? Would u avoid me (even unconsciously) or feel awkward around me?

I have sensed some odd looks (stares?) (very subtle) and silence when I join them even though I smile and try to mingle. I look good and am always dressed well and am clean and polite (incase u are wondering). But talking to them always seems awkward since they dont seem to really participate. No one takes an initiative to get to know me or even intiate a conversation. But they talk animatedly between themselves like a family. I feel like an outsider. This happens even when I am working there for a while. It is a bit hurting. And that's the point when I miss being in my own country.

What's expected of me if u were in their position and for u to accept me? Am I going wrong somewhere. Am I missing doing/saying something? Or is it their problem and I need not bother and just keep trying to mingle?

ps: this issue is spearate from doing my job well. i do justice to my responsibilities and do work well. it's the other aspect of fitting in and feeling accepted that is really bothering me. Everyone seems to be enjoying at work since they all fit in and mingle like family.

Would appreciate some helpful and honest answers.

Answer 1

Just tell them something about your culture. There is definitely no reason to treat you in any way differently from the others..  unless they are scared and don't know.. if they are ignorant about your culture that could make them feel awkward so just tell them you  wish to be treated as everybody else and that if they wish.. you will tell them something about your culture.. keep an open mind.. continue to be polite and friendly and smile when you come to work .. if you do that and they have a problem then it's them being narrow minded.. then if this doesn't change after you try to explain to them.. mention it to your superior.. maybe he can be a mediator there...

Answer 2

The reason they talk amongst themselves is because they know each other better than they know you. You are letting your own phobia of being considered an outsider get in the way of making genuine friendships. This isn't the 1920s anymore. No one is going to look down on you or expect something special from you because of your race (at least, no one worth yours or my time).

My advice is to be friendly and open, and follow the ways and customs that you were taught and grew up with. Since you are the new one, in many ways you are the "guest", and it is their duty to learn more about you and make sure that THEY do not offend YOU.

Don't let your background become a divider in this situation. I am sure in time they will grow to like you, and you will be included.

Answer 3

I would say, dont worry about it. Your boss likes you? well thats first of all the most important thing.  Second, what i would do in this situation is first stop being timid and shy. maybe it shows that you are very uncomfortable around them so they are a little weired by you cause they feel your stress. I think you should just relax and take it easy.  if I were you I would just go ahead and ask a couple people from work, that same question you asked us here.

That is always like that for everyone moving to a different state - moreover to a different country so dont worry about it, take it easy, its natural, just be more confident and yes I would suggest asking somebody at work about it, people appreciate people who are upfront with their feelings, trust me.  

Answer 4

whats expected?./////////////////////////

work........thats whats expected!

Answer 5

if people aren't considerate enough to try and get to know you and include you, forget about them and find a group outside of work that you feel more at home with

Answer 6

I get those same looks to! I think it's my stache and the sombrero I wear everyday.

Answer 7

I am sorry you are feeling uncomfortable in your relativly new occupation. I suppose it may be the same, if an American went to another country, to work, though. People are wary of what they dont know. If I saw a new person from another country coming to work where I worked, I would try to be welcoming, and freindly, But that is because I am interested in meeting people of different views and cultures. But I certainly wouldnt say most americans are that way. I, even as an American, born and raised here, haven't fitted in very well with my own people either, but I am just a bit different, than the norm, I guess. I am used to it. I am freindly with people, But I have my own veiws about things, and if It means I must be alienated a bit, that is ok. I would try to be freindly with you, if you wanted, tho. I understand what it is like to be wondered about. I am not strange, I am just different than people expect me to be, I guess. I dont hold with the hunters, Jocks, or political or religious people that mostly make up blue collar America. I might agree with some of their views, but probably not most of them. I bought a bumper sticker the other day that says:

"Dont assume I share your predjudices". I  will probably be looked down upon for voicing that opinion, tho. People want to belive that everyone else thinks the way they do. But I really dont think the way most people seem to, nor would I want to. I really dont like a lot of the ways America seems to be heading. Some of us seem to forget that most of our fore -bearers came from other places.  We should still be a beacon of hope and chance for people who are trying to better their situation, especialy those who are trying to do it legaly.

Answer 8

Muslims are not Indian, they never were Indian and they never will be Indian. They are nothing but India's unwanted illegitimates and their status should be foreigners!

Your idiots have the shame to live in our country after you were supposed to get lost in 1947!!!  

Answer 9

Well even I face this same situation just the difference that I am a student. Well, if you're comfortable and like being a "desi" then I don't think that you should mingle a lot with whites cause you know most of them are the "partying" kinda people (just look at certain responses above for an example;-)

But if you really wanna mingle with them, then I believe that it depends on your way of perceiving stuff. I mean, stop being conscious and start thinking that you aren't any different. You might have to go out of your way and become a bit westernized too!

Well, the way I do it is... I do my stuff well (studying that is, and really try to be one of the best students in my class. It really impresses some of the "goraas"!!!) I am always my regular "Indian" self and never compromise on my Indian or Muslim traditions and beliefs. Inspite of this many whites are kind and friendly and I have some good friends as well. And as for the rest of them... "I don't give a f#@k!!!"

Answer 10

Just get on with your job. Every newbie gets the silent treatment for a while. it's just because people are sizing you up. It is proably not intentional. They will be OK after a few weeks. Are you younger than them? it might not be anything to do with race, it might be that they are in a different age bracket. They might be envious of you. It's tricky. just remeber that you are cool and if they make no effort then it's their problem!

Answer 11

Part of the reason they keep their distance is exactly what you've said - you look different and they know you have a very different background and upbringing.  They don't know how to talk to you.  They're afraid of being rude, but they're also afraid that they will display their ignorance of your home country and culture if they try to talk to you about it.  

Another difficulty is with voice.  Many Indian people speak very softly.  If I'm in an office where there is a lot of background noise and you try to talk to me, I'm not going to hear or understand you at all.  And depending on how heavy your accent is, that could make it next to impossible to understand you even if I *could* hear you.

I worked on a project for a couple of years with a LOT of consultants who were originally from India.  The one guy I remember the best was a total sweetheart.  He spoke at a volume that is more normal to American ears.  He had an accent, and if he could see from the look on someone's face that they didn't quite understand him, he would rephrase what he had just said.  So those two things helped a lot.  But here are other things that he did to help break the ice:  he asked us questions.  Easter Sunday was coming up, so he took time to ask us about our family's rituals for our Easter when we were kids.  He asked us about our church services, and how a Catholic service was different from a Baptist service or a Latter-Day Saint service.  And when we got into those discussions, seeing his interest in our practices made it easier to ask him questions.  You know, this is the American South where I live, and you know there were people who were just itching to ask him, "So what's the deal with the cows?"  When we saw that he didn't feel stupid asking us about our beliefs, we felt safe asking about his.

And the same with things like dating and marriage.  He comes from a family where arranged marriages are still expected.  He didn't date at all, because his family was going to arrange everything.  My daughter got engaged while we worked together, and we had many discussions of the differences in dating and engagement and weddings and marriage.

So it isn't easy to break into a group of people who already know and are comfortable with each other.  You will have to make a lot of those "first steps" toward them, repeatedly, before one of them realizes that they can reach toward you too.  The new school year is starting - do any of them have kids who have recently gone back to school or are starting soon?  Ask about it.  Ask about the school system, and how the ages get divided, and what subjects their kids study.  Then share a few things about your own education that were different and a few that were similar.  Halloween is coming at the end of October, then Thanksgiving, and Christmas.  Ask.  See whether they celebrate and how, or why they don't.  Families have such varied traditions that you can hear about a dozen different ways to stuff a turkey - from 3 people!  Share your special observances and traditions, as well as your understanding of some of our uniquely American holidays and traditions.  

Those are just a couple of ideas that can help break the ice.  I wish you lots of luck!