What is going on inside the heads of men that come on quite strong, treat you with adoration...

Question

What is going on inside the heads of men that come on quite strong, treat you with adoration...

and then turn cold, rejecting, and treat you in an avoidant manner and then turn passionate again?They build you up to dissapoint you but in the process of stirring your emotions they make you feel a consuming attraction for them at a very primitive level. Do these men know you really like them and mess with your head for that?

You know, the one's you love will drive you crazy because they know they can.

* 23 minutes ago

* - 3 days left to answer.

Additional Details

20 minutes ago

Do they want to create attraction, keep themselves in your head....This man lures me in like a fish and then hurts me whether in a subtle manner or not and I feel he is tying to get me to seduce him through his actions, it is like manipulation....he would be so tender and compassionate and then pretend he doesn't remember certain things I told him about me, when he does but the very denial of it, feels like a blow to me in the heart, like a minor heartbreak, and yet I think he knows this about women and uses it to create attraction,all advice necessary!

18 minutes ago

May I add, he is the most handsome, erudite and sophisticated man I could know...

Answer 1

Run away, with your heart and mind intact, I know you won't, but that's what you should do. It won't just stop.

Hala Kat gets it.

Think of a cruel and bitchy teenage girl, that's what this man is, emotionally.

Edit, no Stars, its fine wanting a dom but what you're describing isn't right.

Answer 2

It seems to me that he is a control freak who is insecure, and yet manipulative. If you come across such a man, you would be well advised to break all ties.

Answer 3

you need to ask yourself  why you let yourself get into that situation and remain in the same situation after acknowledging the conditions.

"...May I add, he is the most handsome, erudite and sophisticated man I could know..." you will be better off not limiting yourself and quit lowering men's standards.

there are lots of men with the qualities you admire in him along with much more qualities he lacks. no one is perfect and there is always something better out there.....

by the way it you are infatuated . it was fun reading your question and additional details....lol

Answer 4

They are bipolar.

Answer 5

Men like the chase. Once they get what they want, the game becomes boring.

Answer 6

You sound like you are in a classic good girl smitten with a barn-burning bad-boy scenario.  The trouble with this is that some men and women are trained to believe that the worse you treat a lover the more they will want you.  You will have to decide if any one person is worth being emotionally controlled and taken on a day to day roller-coaster ride.

This is a technique used by men and women players. People either live and learn from being in relationships like this or they get hurt and then run to the same partner or another one identical in behavior.  You will simply have to decide for yourself which one will you be ( type a or type b).  Type b usually goes on to live a happier life.  

Edit- Good luck and take care of you.  Remember good looks fade and charm turns into senility at some point.

Answer 7

if he senses that he's about to get some, he will be nice.

if he senses that you are going to deny him what he seeks, what's the point of being nice?

Answer 8

And if he was easy to pin down you would get bored of him being so nice and wonder why you can't find anyone interesting. Ugh, women.

Answer 9

Hala Kat knows exactly what is going on.  I strongly suggest that you end the situation before it further progresses.  This kind of relationship will leave you walking on eggshells for fear of earning his disapproval and the further entrenched you become, the more damage  will be done to your self esteem, the more control he will have, the more you will seek his approval.....and on and on it goes.

Edit:  It's not the dominance that is troubling.  Many men are dominant but kind and never make you feel like you need to question your worth.  The erratic part  is a toubling sign that this man may be prone to inflict emotional abuse.

Answer 10

Is he single? It may be a commitment thing and it's something I had massive problems with in the past. I'd get with a girl I liked then worry about getting in too deep and run a mile, only for me to go back again because I was lonely and knew I could and it just continued,

Answer 11

Sounds like the old theory of gravity, objects that are in motion stay in motion(or something like that).

      He just quickly adapts's to being alone or a more calm, perhaps even shy role.

     It will take time for him to reach a "stable" level of extrovertness with you, the most you can do is try and lure him out so to speak and hope for the best.

Answer 12

He's doing exactly what it takes to gain total mental and emotional control.  It enables him to work you like a puppet, he can make you jump through hoops in an effort to regain that former adoration.

Some men see it as a form of domination....I see it as a form of abuse.

Answer 13

Crazy isn't it?  Sometimes the most charismatic people

who attract us the most, also hurt us the most.  As others here mentioned-run!  If you feel uncomfortable, there is a reason why.  Things won't get better...

Maybe he was abused/left alone as a kid.  Who knows, it can be 1001 things.  When he is in a good mood, maybe you can ask him.  My ex-wife was/is like this.

Good luck.    

Answer 14

That doesn't work on me.

He's building up the emotions necessary for you to feel like you want to sleep with him. Then you do.. You're hurting yourself.

Answer 15

i agree with intrepid. hes a control freak. leave now. or learn to manipulate him. dont ever show hurt. walk away when hes luring you in. dont let him take control. ive been there.  i lost my friends . i lost my family . he made noises when a friend or family phoned. instead of telling him to shut up , i ended the call. this got to be normal until they stopped calling. this man of yours sounds like hes doing the same . be very aware. sadly , i think you will get lured in. please dont. please watch what hes trying to do to you, because believe me . its not a nice experience .

Answer 16

Don't you know us men come from a different planet?

Answer 17

These men must be doing something right. I could learn a thing or two from them in terms of attracting women. Many of you women seem to enjoy the roller coaster of emotion that these kinds of men send you on. Some of the time, a man is consciously toying with you to keep the attraction going. Other times, a man is completely oblivious that he is doing anything that is upsetting to you. You need to make sure that your man is comfortable communicating with you. If he isn't a good communicator, then you won't be happy with him long-term.  

Answer 18

women are or can be extremely toIerant all I can say is perhaps he has a broken personality due to a bad or sad upbringing .

you say "handsome" is that 1 reason why you put up with it.

If he wasn't would you have stayed/ put up with him?

you also say "could know" don't you believe you can meet other more suitable/normal ppl  (I'm not saying your partner/husband is not suitable normal).  learn to live with one's good and bad qualities.

Answer 19

The thrill is in the chase

Answer 20

Is this all about the idea that as women we all like a bit of a mean brooding, dark bad boy types...like Heathcliffe, or Mr. Darcy, and its all romantic when they play hard to get...perlease!  Has Cosmopolitan got another s*x quiz out?

When really the average bloke would be about as conscious of that sort of behaviour...that stuff does men such a disservice too