What is going on with my Brother-in-law? Need Help ASAP?

Question

My wife's sister has been married to a guy since 2004. They have a beautiful daughter who will soon be two. The husband has changed since the birth of their daughter. He has become non-communicative, depressed, and has completely "checked out" of the relationship. He does not want to go to counseling because he feels like it won't help. He spends most nights out drinking with his guy friends instead of doing something with his family. What should I do? Get her a lawyer? Where do we even start? I want to sit down and figure out their bills and see if he is even going to help with the mortgage.

Any and all help is appreciated. God Bless You!!!

Answer 1

Why are you butting in. Has anyone asked you to do these things? Maybe you need to sit down with sis-in-law and ask her whats up. She may be the type that says "I got my kids now go away from me."

Answer 2

She needs to go to counseling on her own.  It will give her the strength and tools to make a very hard decision

Answer 3

This is entiely up to the wife. I know you want to help but if he doesn;t want it and if she hasn't asked then there is not much you can do but be a shoulder if and when you get asked.

Answer 4

It sounds like ultimatum time for this man.

I suggest your sister-in-law sit down and determine what she will and will not tolerate in her marriage, then have a conversation with her husband to that effect.  She needs to be prepared that he may tell her he wants a divorce.  

If he is willing to work on the marriage they need to start counselling immediately.  

Her husband sounds like he might be bipolar (manic-depressive).

It is really HUGE that you guys are being so supportive of her.  She is very "alone" right now, and having you to lean on is important.

Answer 5

He needs to man up or get out.

Answer 6

It's super how much you care about their situation, but I'm afraid it's something only they can figure out.  She definitely needs professional help w/this for herself.  Many insurances help pay for "X" amounts of counseling.  She needs to get counseling on her own as to know how to deal w/her situation at hand.  The husband of course has a problem, but she's going to have to go get help in finding out the best direction to go.  She should not put it off, it's not going away nor is it going to get any better.  At least she knows she has you to turn to for support, & blessings on you for caring as you do.  This is what I'd highly recommend, the sooner the better.  All the best to you...:)

Answer 7

Her husband may not be used to his wife giving so much of her time to their child. I know this sounds weird but I have read about this before. The husband is jealous of the time the wife spends on the baby he feel neglected and ousted from his relationship with her. I hope he comes to his senses and realize that she probably still loves him just as much and he should be a man and talk to her about how he feels. I hope everything works out for her.  

Answer 8

I think you need to let your sister-in-law handle her own marriage. If she is unhappy with him then she needs to tell him and ask him to get counseling with her. If he refuses then she has no choice but to get a good lawyer and get a divorce. But, you and your wife need to stay out of it.  

Answer 9

You need to support your sister and stay out of it. Not to be rude or anything but they need to figure this out on their own and the more people in a marriage makes it more difficult to get things straightened out. If he won't go to counseling, she needs to go herself. I would also recommend separate checking accounts if his drinking is excessive and she is worried about the bills. She needs to check with local attorneys about her rights and she needs a nest egg of money stashed away in case the marriage doesn't work out. She needs to decide if she wants to accept this behavior or not, but let her come to that decision on her own. Thanks for being there for her...