What is going to happen to my husband who is in Jail for probation violations?

Question

My husband has had two DWI's four years ago and almost three years ago. He is on probation and he keeps getting probation violations. He is currently in jail for probation violations for missing his probation meetings and not going to his MADD impact panel. His sentence was for 120 days with most of that stayed as long as he paid his fines and went to outpatient treatment. He is supposed to stay only 39 days but the first day he got out on huber he got drunk and he fell asleep so the police had to come get him. He did this while I was at work. Needless to say, I was very angry with him. He never thinks of the consequenses. When they came and got him he blew a .12. Now they are trying to make him serve the full 120 days. My question is, he clearly has a drinking problem. Wouldn't he be better off in treatment than in jail? Why do they want to stick him in jail instead of trying to get him some help? Do you think that I should talk to his probation officer and tell him this?

Answer 1

Yes, it sounds like he needs help. But if he's unwilling to accept the fact that he needs help and he does not yet want to sincerely change his ways then this will continue.

So if he wanted treatment, then he may be better off in treatment than jail. But you also have to remember something...he broke the law. The legal system isn't just going to say "he broke the law, we should treat him so he doesn't do it again". No, they are going to say "He broke the law and he will be punished for his crime".

If all people got was treatment for DUI's and stuff, there would be people all over the roads drinking and driving. People who are powerless over alcohol need help, but that shouldn't give them a "get out of jail" card. Ask people who have lost loved ones to drunk drivers if they feel that punishments should be thrown aside in favor of treatment.

The bottom line is, one thing that an alcoholic MUST realize is that whatever happens while he is drunk is HIS fault.

Got into a bar fight and ended up with hospital bills? His fault.

Passed out and someone stole his wallet and credit cards out of his pocket? His fault.

Got a DUI? His fault.

Lost his job because of legal problems relating to an alcohol-induced incident? His fault.

This is one of the biggest things an alcoholic has to realize. Will he have to serve the 120 days? If so, it is his fault. Its not the fault of the judge, the probation officer, the arresting officer, the guy at work that p!ssed him off and caused him to drink. Or whoever. It is HIS fault.

Because if he hadn't chosen to drink none of that would have happened...thats the bottom line.

Yes, you want to have him come out of this with minimal negative effects (no loss of job, no loss of freedom, etc...). Thats understandable...who wouldn't want that for someone they care about?

But I think you should seek some type of AA treatment, counseling, or something like that for loved ones of alcoholics.

You may learn to recognize things, learn how to cope with his problem which affects your life as well, and you may learn how to more effectively help him heal.

Unfortunately, many, many alcoholics have to hit rock bottom before they decide to make a change. That 120 days may be his rock bottom. Or if he loses his job that may be his rock bottom. Or you may decide to leave him, that may be his rock bottom. If he had killed someone while driving drunk, then as he sat in prison that would most definitely be his rock bottom. Hopefully it won't come to that.

I know a guy who was a UPS man and he was in his mid 40's who got a DUI. Of course, he lost his job at that age, because he chose to drink and drive, and your driving record needs to be spotless for that job. What the heck does a person do when they lose a good job at 46? Rock bottom there.

My advice is to plan for the worst. If he has to sit the remainder of the 120, what arrangements need to be made? Accept the fact that it will happen, and then decide what your plan of action will be after its over. Will he lose his job? You will have to prepare for that. Start looking for other jobs for him once he gets out.

At least by doing that you will have accepted it and prepared for it instead of hoping it won't happen and being unprepared (as much as you can, I guess) when it does.

Once he gets out, then address the drinking. Maybe he will have thought long and hard about things by then and be ready for a change. Then things can start fresh. That would be something to look forward to. If the 4 months in jail straighten him out, it would be worth it in the long run.

good luck with everything.

Answer 2

1, those two times he could have killed a family,2, jail is were he belongs, and trust me, its all the help he'll need, if he does it again when he gets out then he just does not care,if he's smart, when he gets out he will go right into treatment.

Answer 3

They already tried to get him to go to outpatient. Last I heard, that is treatment, he didn't do that. He obviously doesn't care or want help. Let him go to jail and dry up.

And then maybe find a divorce lawyer just in case that doesn't cure him.

Answer 4

Obviously he doesnt think he needs help.  He wont do what he suppose to when not in jail,  so they need to keep hom there til he really realizes he needs help.  If he doesnt, he could be lookin at prison time.   HE BETTER WAKE UP.

Answer 5

Sounds like they tried to get him into treatment but he didn't go. First he has to want to get better. Can't send an officer over everyday to babysit him. If he is not going to get help, the next step is to keep him off of the road and away from the rest of us. Wait until he wipes out an entire family driving drunk.

Answer 6

Sometimes suffering the consequences is the only way to get their attention , the only one that can truly help or change your husband is himself and he has to want to do that , the court forcing him to go to rehab wont help him if he doest want to change or think that he needs to change..check out this site.. I know that this organization has helped the children and spouses of those with addiction problems...might give you some in-site how to approach your husband and how to deal with the emotions that his behavior causes..peace

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

Answer 7

The reason that the Probation Officer is probably not willing to work with your husband and his work schedule is that he won't quit drinking.  In other words, he's not trying to help himself or rehabilitate himself.  Its obvious your husband does have a drinking problem and most jails have rehabs in place to assist with these problems.  Why don't you call his Probation Officer and talk with him about your husbands rehab alternatives.  Don't be confrontational and don't be accusatory, just talk with the PO and ask him to help you help your husband.  You may be pleasantly surprised.

Answer 8

unfornunatly the alcohol related convitions have nothing to do with getting help. (my husband is doing 150 days for violation of probation stemming from dui # 3 (he got work furlough and blew a .03 reporting in)

it's gonna hurt but he should do the 120. he can go to AA in jail, and in the case of my husband, his time has changed his prororities.

his probation officer will probably not discuss his case with you. (i know it's stupid, like you don't know everything)

support him while he is in custody, and through visits, email (if your jail has it) and letters, offer positive ideas for when he gets out instead of negative or ultimatums.

feel free to email me personally if you need to talk to someone going throught the same situation.

good luck to you.

Answer 9

well...first they send him to a prison and if he becomes part of the 2 percent that go mysteriously missing, they boil him in chemicals until he gets pale white skin and blood red lips...he'll be a freak...like MeeEEEee...hehehHEHEHEHehahehehe WHY So SERioouSSS!?

Answer 10

O.k. I have never had to deal with DUI. problems. but i have had my share of dealings with  the lets say system.  Probation or parole officers. do not care. point blank.. You break the law you do time.. point blank... They do not care what you need. They do not help you. all they will do is arrest you. or them. who ever it is that is in trouble. With me it has been my son.  The only way this will ever stop. is if the person involved stops what ever it is that is cause them to get into trouble.... And this could take years. The question is what is going to happen to you! it all falls on you. they do not care. till they hit bottom. mean while it cost us or you. emotionally and financially.