What is it like for single moms?

Question

I am looking ot find out about single motherhood. What is the best thing about it? worst thing? how do you pay your bills, child care? what are your ex's responsibilities? Is getting child support a problem? Do you share the time w/ kids? How? Do you ever get time alone?

Answer 1

The best thing about it is being able to parent my boys as I see fit and getting to spend time with them and hearing all the I love you's.  The worst thing I guess would just be it is a 24/7 non-stop "job" and if something goes wrong I am the only one here to handle it.  I don't work right now and have a wonderful mom and step-dad who allow us to rent the upstairs for a very small amount so I get childsupport from their father and it is enough to really take care of the boys getting them what they need and I don't have to put them in daycare but my oldest son is going to kindergarten in a week and my other son is headed back to preschool next month (but preschool is free).  My ex left us for awhile and moved to california (4 years ago) and is just now moving back to Ohio and hopefully he will start being more involved but he really isn't a very responsible person, the only reason i have gotten the support money for the last 4 years is because he was active military but now he is out of the marines so I am sure i won't see support for awhile.  Getting child support isn't an issue when he chooses to work but he starts hating his job of gets with his new "girlfriends" and doesn't work so he quits or gets fired and i don't get it for awhile.  I was willing to allow every other weekend but he decided to join the marines instead but when he moves back we have talked about slowly working up to 1 night every other week until the boys know him again (I was pregnant with our second son when he left for california).  I do get some alone time once or twice a month but that is because i have a wonderful family that will step in sometimes to give me a much needed break so I can get some extra sleep or take a nice long shower or go out to see a movie with friends.  

Answer 2

You ask a lot. No matter what law determines...you are the primary parent financialy and emotionally. This is the mindset you must enter into single parenthood with.

Single parenthood is hard, but very rewarding. These are your children. Mine always make me proud and make me laugh. No matter what...they are my children...and they are awesome.

Answer 3

I'm not "really" a single mom, although I am effectively one until December while my husband is living out of state due to a job situation. I moved with the kids to a new state for a new job, hubby had to stay to finish out his contract.

The best thing about doing the single mom thing is that the kids don't have the option of going behind my back to get dad to say yes when mom said no. They can't play us against each other of one of us isn't here.

The worst thing about it is not having a backup parent. If the kids need me and I'm at work and can't get away the kids are stuck. So far my job is flexible enough to do what I need to do, but I'm sure the day will come that I'm on a tight deadline and one of the kids is ill at school or something. If I'm tired after work I still have to make dinner, do laundry. I don't have the option of skipping a meal, the kids need to eat even if I don't feel like it. And if I get sick I will have to rely on the kids to run the house.

For child care, my son and daughter are old enough to take care of themselves at home (teens), but if they were younger I don't know what I'd do.

The way the situation is at the moment it's like I have full custody with no visitation for hubby. He's in one state, I'm in another. Time alone? LOL. Not gonna happen for months.

Since we're not actually separated or divorced (it's a work situation, not a relationship breakup) there is no child support issue. He only needs very basic expenses (staying with his mom), so most of the money is coming my way to pay family expenses. Added to my income, we're pretty comfortable.

The whole thing has given me a taste of what it's like for "real" single parents. It's not a situation I envy. I'm doing it for five months. That's more than enough.

Answer 4

Im a single mama of two and went through both pregnancies alone too.  It was difficult to see couples expecting when I was pregnant and alone but I did survive.  I educated myself from a highschool dropout with no car and walked to school every day.  My son was 16 weeks old.  I am now a nursing student.  My second child though, I tried to work it out with her dad (my 1st childs dad was very violent so he was not involved at all)

I find it way easier parent alone.  There are hard times but it is possible.  You have to be able to ask for help when you need it.  You dont need to fight for custody if your lucky and different opinions in discipline is one of the major causes of divorse.

You are totally one hundred percent capable and can be very succesfull to.  It does get hard sometimes, but with the right supprt you can cope.  I do get time alone but dont expect it for about 9 months.  You will be suprised how family realy does kick in to help.

Also for me, going to school gave me time alone while at the same time I was building a future.  You can get daycare subsidized and have enough time after class to get an hour in to relax before its mom-time again.

Besides, us woman are VERY tuff creatures!

Answer 5

I will answer your question using the experience of my friends as I am not single, so here it goes:

Best thing about it would be making all the decisions, worst thing is being lonely/exhausted/not getting any relief/ HAVING to make all the decisions, my single mum friends are on welfare (my best friend's second child was born blind and she cannot go to work for a very long time as she needs to take care of her child), her ex's responsibilities are that he is SUPPOSED to pay child support of $400 a month, he moved to Africa and hasn't paid anything in 3 months and hasn't even met his second child who is 8 months old. The father isn't in the country and spends no time with the kids, moved away a year ago. No she never gets time alone, except for her time at night when the kids are asleep when she is alone but not by choice.

Based on the single mother experiences of my friends, I would not choose it if it could be avoided.

Answer 6

lol ive only been a single mommy for two weeks, cuz thats how old my baby is!

its not so bad, the worst part for me so far is trying to get a shower in and dealing with his father. he has no responsibilities, im not even trying for child support....i dont want time alone just yet, i love being with my son =) the best thing is he's ALL MINE, im here when he gets up, im here to feed him, bathe him, and put him to sleep, love every second of it.  

Answer 7

Oh, its so complicated. Best thing, I love my kids and want to make every minute count, and just about when I need some me time, it's dad's weekend and I can go hang out with some adults for a while. Support seem to be a big issue for most single moms I know, including myself. I don't doubt my kids dad loves them but he sure doesn't wanna pay for em! It's hard not trash talking him sometimes but slowly the kids find out truths on their own. Count yourself lucky if your ex man sticks to a scheduled visitation, but don't count your financial eggs before they hatch. My ex is pretty good about picking the kids up but its only because he drops them off at his parents for the weekend anyway. If you need extra help, there are state programs that help dingle working moms eith child care. Don't stick with a man that doesn't make you happy. In the end its bad for you and bad for your kids. I's rather be broke and have my kids than to have to live an unhappy life with that idiot,lol!

Oh,yeah, in 4 years he's paid 3 months worth of child support, don't ask me how he stays outta jail but like I said, I'm a happier better person now and wouldn't change a thing!

Answer 8

Best thing is having a beautiful person to look at everyday.  Worst thing...when the other parent doesn't help with support (but says they love and miss them so much).

My mom is my child care until I finish school; then it's daycare and they have services based on income.

My ex...he is responsible for helping raise my child and I am not getting child support at the moment so yes, that IS a problem.

He lives out of state and hasn't taken the opportunity to see his child as often as he should.

I get time alone, but I love my child and its ok that he gets most of my free time...he's my responsibility.