What is it with 15 and 16 year old girls thinking they could cope with a baby?

Question

im 16 and pregnant YES big BIG mistake but what is done is done i can't change it but i never really wanted a baby and i know i won't cope aswell as most woman with baby's although i will struggle along i'm not going to be a fab mother as i have a really **** paying job and i also have a boyfriend with no job as he is not capable of working i have no idea how things are going to work out for us and the baby but any way my question is does it bug you when 16 year old girls think a baby will make all there troubles fade away and they think they will be able to handle it ?

Answer 1

What your saying all sound very similar to the situation my Gran-daughter was in 7 yrs ago she also had a .... job a boyfriend with no job and she also thought she wouldn't be a good mum. Once her son was born things changed all the family brought things for her and the baby her boyfriend went out and got a job they moved into there first flat and are now very happy so NO it doesn't bug me when 16 yr olds get pregnant a lot of them make excellent mums and I expect you will to I'm sure your be fine good luck to you.

Answer 2

yeah it drives me crazy when I hear girls say the answer to the problems they have with their boyfriends or with their parents is a baby. try growing up and being mature first! I don't want to point the finger at you but you did put some of your life in your question have you considered adoption for your baby since you are still young and the father of your child can't work he may have disability checks but that isn't going to be enough.

Answer 3

cuz they think theyre grown and can do anything!

also they think a baby is like a doll so cute and cuddly. then bam! it cries, poops, screams, and vomits.

and they will need to spend ALOT of money on diapers, soap, crib, formula, clothes, bottles, stroller, etc and etc.....

kiss your paycheck goodbye!

i love my son i had him in march and im 20. the thing is i am an adult and married. even i think i should of waited a lil longer.

goodluck.

Answer 4

Yes, in fact a question was recently posted about this.  A girl who had a baby at 16 was criticizing mom's over 20, and ranting about how great teen moms are.

I am in no way saying that all teen moms are bad, just like we can't say that all mom's over 20, or 30, or 40 are bad.  There are bad moms of every age, gender, race, religion, etc. etc.  

You sound like you are mature and willing to admit your mistakes.  We all make them.  some have bigger consequences than others.  I hope you have supportive parents.  If my daughter got pregnant, I would be very upset, but would support her in every way I possibly could.  

To be completely honest, part of the reason that I don't think that it's a great idea for young teens to have kids is because I look at myself at that age - I would not have been capable maturity-wise, financially, etc. to look after a baby, nor would I have wanted to.  You are giving up a very important stage of your life that you will never get back.

Another young girl a while ago posted a question insinuating how easy and fun baby's are, etc. etc.  Obviously, she is not around a baby at 2am, 3am, 4am, etc. etc.  They are alot of work, but do have alot of rewards.

Anyway, a baby does not make anybody's troubles fade away.  I think that it would be difficult at best for a 15 year old to cope with a baby.  If that's judging, then I guess I am judgmental.

Good luck to you!!  I wish you all the best.

Answer 5

Its not so much the age thats a problem, its just that people get  peed off cos the girl is less likely to get a job after baby is born and therefore live off benefits for the rest off their life.

but if u choose to make a better life for ur baby and go to work, or get ur bf off his bum to work and support u, then hats off to u, make it work- good luck  

Answer 6

It does bug me - they're very immature and will find out otherwise the hard way.

Answer 7

What a sensible attitude, and I don't mean for that to sound at all patronising.

At my hairdressers there is a young girl who has just taken her exams at 16, she got her results the day I was in having a colour last, she was expecting to have a year off with baby and re-take her exams in that year in the evenings - only turns out she got 2 B's and 7 C's!!!  She may be young but has a job, has taken her exams, planned for her future and seems to have her head on straight - the pregnancy wasn't planned but she's certainly doing her best for baby.

You will find that as soon as baby is born you find you have this bond that you never thought imaginable.  A lot of parenting is common sense and there are a lot of people out there ready and waiting to help young mums.

You have a partner, although he cannot work he can provide support and nurturing, I don't know how severely disabled he is but he could even look after baby while you work part time.

You're right, kids that think having a kid will solve all their problems, unconditional love, no idea what career they want, eager to get out of home and into their own council house, well they're just crazy.

I suppose it depends on the standards of living you are prepared to make baby suffer with and put up with yourself.

Hope things work out fine for you and that youngsters who read this will understand from your view point and make them reconsider.

Answer 8

yes this is why when ever there are girls on here that say i had s*x last night what do i do i tell them get the morning after pill because raising a kid at 16 is no walk in the park

i did it and found i had 2 grow up way before i should of  

Answer 9

Honestly, it's her life to ruin.  If that is what she desires, that's fine by me.  I only get irritated when these young girls expect the public at large to foot the bill for their mistakes.  I am a 30 year old single pregnant woman, and I work hard to pay my own way.  I get no public assistance or handouts.  If I can do it, they can do it.  No excuses.

Answer 10

It really only bothers me that 15 and 16 year old girls are getting pregnant by accident and raising babies when there are women out there like my aunt who can't have children of her own.  It's just a huge injustice.

I'm glad you realize how big of a mistake this is.  Will you keep your baby?  Just keep in mind that your baby didn't ask to be created.  You CAN be a fab mom!  I promise!  Just set it in your head now that you are going to do anything you can to make a good life for your son or daughter.

Answer 11

well, stupid comes in all ages.

sigh.  but you know, it's one thing to think you can handle a baby and never find out you were wrong, and quite another thing to suddenly end up pregnant (cause let's face it, one wasn't careful enough, as they didn't feel that pregnancy would end their lives) and halfway through the pregnancy start figuring out that they can't handle it, (sheesh, the baby isn't even here), and now they're whining to their big sister...

anyway, i'm getting too personal.  well, the image of parenthood comes in two images (on tv, magazines, etc).  one suggests that having a baby is easy.  you have one, dress them up in cute clothes, and you're back to your original body in six months.

the other viewpoint is that having babies is awful.  you'll lose ALL freedom, they cost money, it'll break up your relationship, and you won't be able to have s*x with your partner (even when your kids are grown).

sigh.  oh well.  in a sense, no one is prepared for children.  the people best prepared (the ones who have crunched numbers and really thought about it) tend not to have children, and everyone else just has to rise to the occasion.  so long as i'm not paying for it

Edit:  while you can be financially prepared, the addition of another person in your life, especially one that you know have to take complete care of, you can not be prepared for.  for instance, you can know you're about to have a new sibling in a nine months, but nothing prepares you for actually having a new family member.

Answer 12

Does it bug me?  It only bugs me when they refuse to live up to their responsibilities and don't care for the child properly.  I would also hope that they have made sound sexual choices, and used safer s*x options, but even then, pregnancy can still happen even when both partners have been consensual and have used birth control, so they have to step up, make some big choices, and do the right thing for them and the baby.

You have options - you can consider an open or closed adoption, on your terms.  You can also use what time you have between now and the baby coming to get as much of an education as you can so that you can get a better paying job to support the child after the birth.  If you live in a big city, there are probably schools in your city you can go to that are designed for teenage mothers, with childcare on site, and a schedule that allows you to attend school on your work schedule.

Please talk to a guidance counsellor at your school to find the best choices for you.

Answer 13

I think you should know that there are very few 16 year old girls who think they can cope by themselves. Like yourself they made a mistake, but they knwo they have family and friends who will help them out. It's not about thinking they can look after the baby properly, it's wanting to and being optimistic about it. Your baby has no chnace if you look at it like "oh my god this babies gonna have such a sh*t life"

Answer 14

Easy.

Jamie-Lynn Spears!

She's sixteen, had a baby, and doing FINE.

She was a role model being on Nickelodeon(sp?)

Now young teens think they can have a baby and be just fine. But they don't realise how much it costs, the stress, etc etc. Because the media just ups it  to granduer.

Answer 15

well in my opinian having children isnt rocket sceince , i had a freind who had a bay at 15 and she is a very good parent. to be honest stupider popele than the average 15 y/o girl have managed to raise a child into somthing.

my porblem with teen pregnancy ( the ones who have babies on purpose ) is that they cant afford babies and i dont want my taxs going to help girls raise scrubber babies on estates with no hopes. but then again many woman in there 20's and 30's who cant afford children still have them

if i was you i would be very pissed off at poeple who pregnancys on purpose when they cant afford them because it cuts into the fund you need for your baby who was an accident.

im sure you will make a fine parent, even though your young, it will be hard work , but remember stupider people than you have managed to raise kids ( not saying your stupid , just making a point)

ps if your bf cant work then he can be a stay at home dad and you can go to work

Answer 16

Ehh, it's a hard question to answer. Like any other topic, people have their different opinions.

I think we can all agree on having a child at a teen age is immature and dangerous.

Okay, sure the baby might not have the best life with the mother but the mother is taking responsibility for once and she is atleast TRYING to care for the baby. But yeah, exactly, the baby might not have the best life. So there's two sides and they are both understandable. I think the choice is totally up to the mother herself.  

Answer 17

Not really, because I think it depends on your situation.

You've outlined your life as something that will make having a baby very difficult.

But I have a friend who is 18 and recently given birth after an accidental conception. The father wants nothing to do with it which could be seen as difficult, and she also has a part time job.

But her family is quite big, and they are very supportive. This makes her situation a lot easier.

I reckon a 16 year old can deal with a baby. It's hard at first I'm sure, but babies make you grow up.  It doesn't really matter what age you are.

Answer 18

It does bug me - they're very immature and will find out otherwise the hard way.

Answer 19

u dont know that you wont be able to cope - thats just silly! yeh it will be hard no doubt about that. you just find a way to cope. yeh 16-17 is very young to want/have a baby but these days theres lots of help out there and not all 16-17 year olds struggle - some cope fine.

Answer 20

It annoys me when younger females think it is easy to raise a baby. Yes it is easy to make a baby, but to raise one takes a whole lot out of you physically, emotionally and financially. I am 27 and my youngest is 5 months. Although my child is a fairly easy child to take care of, it's still hard. I love her and adore her to death, just like I do with my oldest, but the hardest part is making sure they are well provided for, and sometimes I get paranoid if they aren't with me at all times. I worry about their safety, they are still young, just thinking about them growing up into their teens, adulthood it's so scary. It takes a lot to be a parent, but most young girls don't think to the future. They want one hoping to change something in their relationship with either their parents, boyfriend, etc. Or something to fill a void they might think they need, etc. Who knows it could be for a million reasons. I've always known growing up that raising a child should be done in a happy home with parents who love each are and are committed to making family life great. Some people end up as single parents to no fault of their own but they try their darn best to provide as much as they can. I try not to judge but it is hard to do especially when most young teens are naive and don't really know how adult life is really like and how much responsibilities comes with it.

Answer 21

it bothers me alot. i was 16 when i had my son and i am now 17 with a 5 month old. To tell you the truth he saved my life i would be dead or in jail right now if not for him. i didnt try to get pregnant but it happened and everyone in my family including me think of him as a godsend. It is hard to cope but i have an i think of myself as a good mother. I do everything possible for my son. his father isnt in his life and choses not to help at all. The sad part is, we were together for 5 years and he took my virginity. I love my son more then any other person in this world and i would give my life for him. Being a mother is a wonderful thing but it has its faults. Many young girls have babies and think everything is going to be peachy keen but its not. Babies cry and dont sleep i dont care what any mothers say. beinga  mother is a full time job and you dont get paid for. try cleaning, going to college, watching your son, and having a job all at the same time. it near impossible. We try are hardest as mothers though (atleast most of us)I wish you the very best and hope everything works out great. Always remember that when the times get rough and your baby wont stop crying that it wont always be like this. Remmeber that you have to do everything for him because he can do it for himself and depends on you. All his love, trust, and faith is all put into you. Show your child how wonderful life acan be and keep him close. With the world how it is today you dont want him far from you.

(i refered to your child as a boy only because that is what i have sorry it its not) = )

p.s. having disabilitys cant stop you from working even if hes gets a disabilty check. he is allowed to work 20 hours a week but no more. i know this because there are many people in my family that are disabled

Answer 22

First of all my dear, don't sell yourself short.  You CAN be a great mother.  It's going to be extremely hard, but you have the ability to be a wonderful parent.  Just do the best you can.

As to why young girls think they can cope, it's because they don't realize what a big responsibility a baby is.  To them, a baby is more like a puppy or a cute accessory for them to dress in little outfits and carry around the mall.  They aren't mature enough to consider the big picture - that babies grow up fast, how much they cost, and how drastically they change your life.  Don't get me wrong, parenthood is great - when you're ready.  My husband and I waited until we were prepared, and guess what?  It's still difficult for us at times.  I can only imagine how hard it is when a young girl with no education suddenly finds herself raising a baby.  

I'm glad to hear that you acknowledge that having a baby at your age isn't a good choice, and that it's going to be difficult.  I worry more about the girls who think it will be a snap than the ones like you who realize what a big responsibility it is.  But again, just do the best you can.  Find a way to continue your education, get loans and aid to go to college, and put everything you have into raising your child.  All the best to you.  

Answer 23

Yup especially when u can go to the health department and get free birth control.

There was no way that I would let myself get into that situation, because I was always thinking of the bigger picture, and I had plenty of female cousins with kids...no need for me to be just like them...

Answer 24

well i wanted a baby at 14 and i got one at 16,,, i coped great loved every minute of having her!!!! now im older and on my second i wonder how on earth i coped back then as it seems impossible havint a crawling baby again about the house, BUT i wasnt your average teenager i didnt want one to dress it up i wanted one because i wanted to be a mum. I think the reasons behind wanting one are more important than the age. I didnt do night clubbing and still dont- have never been, i dont need to work my partner works and i look after the home - just something we agreed on and works rather well. i REALLY THINK THE QUESTIONS ABOUT TEEN MOMS ARE SO DEGOROTORY its not your age its the people individually , some make great teenage mothers and some make useless ones but hey mothers in their 20s n 30s can be labeled the same.

Good luck with you pregnancy, you seem to have a clear head which will take you far into raising a child.

please dnt even consider adopting your baby out by reccomendation from some of these people, everyone has the right to be a mother UNTIL they abuse that right and encouraging people in times of hardship to hand their baby over is discusting! i am myself adopted and I can tell you i would of felt a lot better brought up by my true parents in a loving home with none of the luxouries i did have growing up in a family where i knew i didnt belong. Keep your baby you will do just fine!!!!!!!!! adoption is only a good idea WHEN ALL OF YOUR HEART DOESNT WANT IT not when its being suggested to you when you are looking for ways to cope, there are lots of people that will help you cope after the baby is born. good luck

Answer 25

i 17 and 32weeks pregant people think im stupid for doing it so young my baby wasnt planned and my ex walked out on me when i told him and only just came round to the idea my baby might not be able to have everything she wants but she will have love and care i think the reson they think they can handle it is because 9 times out of 10 they can. and it not easy i no that but i no theres going to be times when i think god wot have i done but i wouldnt change not havin my baby in 8 weeks  

Answer 26

Sorry, but from where I sit, you aren't in much of a position to judge.  The only difference between you and the girls you are talking about is that you know you aren't prepared for motherhood, and you know you can't afford to have a baby, whereas they haven't figured that out yet.  

Answer 27

Yes -- but what really bothers me is girls who somehow think that they are morally obligated to take on the responsibility of motherhood, when it has already been proven that they are NOT responsible enough to even keep *themselves* safe and un-pregnant.  Or girls who are selfish enough to want to keep the baby "no matter what" and only think of their own feelings, and not what is best for the baby. They get so much pressure from "friends" who encourage her to keep the baby, but don't have too many suggestions on how to COPE with the baby.  There are so many, many couples who have good jobs and are established in life, with empty arms who long for a child. Adoptions are really an ultimate expression of love, recognizing that your baby will be better off in a stable, loving family.  

EDIT:  smm, I disagree with you when you say that "no one is prepared to have a baby".  There are MANY, MANY responsible couples who have worked, saved, have a home and good job, who plan their families.  My husband and I waited six years before starting our family, when I was able to quit my job and be a stay-at-home mom. Most of our friends did the same, although some elected to keep working. It's just a question of priorities.

Answer 28

It does bug me because I have been there done that. I got pregnant when I was 15 had my son when I was 16 thinking everything would be just great..well it wasnt it was very very hard!!

My boyfriend turned into a total jerk and got on drugs...he never helped out and I have not seen him in years..no child support or anything. I had to quit high school because I needed to work full time to take care of my son..so since I dont have a diploma its hard to find a good paying job. Many many other things. Very hard..if I had to do over I would have gotten on birth control or better yet not had s*x at all until I was older.

I dont think its fair to those of us who work our butts off & pay taxes & then young girls with no money get  pregnant & get on medicaid & WIC. Those who work have to pay for those things...they are not just free. and yes I know that older women are on welfare as well..

Life is just so much easier when are better prepared to handle these things. I do wish you all the luck in the world! You can be a great mom & still be a responsible person..it can be done! Please dont fall into the trap of welfare & public assistance. Stand on your own 2 feet and be a great example for your baby!

Think about breastfeeding & finishing high school so you can go on to learn a trade to help support your family..Good luck!!

Answer 29

yes i know it anoys me to

and congrats about the baby

atleast you are honest and can admit you wont cope