What is life like living with someone who has bipolar?

Question

Do you find it emotionally exhausting with all their ups and downs and intense feelings?

Any thoughts appreciated?

Answer 1

My former next door neighbor is bi-polar, and we became very close.  I love her as a friend, but even from a distance it can be very emotionally exhausting, especially when she was off her meds.  Every so often I would encourage her to get a check up to make sure all her "levels" were good.  

She moved a while back and I miss her greatly.  Even with her manic episodes, I still like her much better than the new neighbor who has no mental disorder as an excuse for his awful behavior.

Answer 2

My dear sister had schizophrenia.  She also had a great faith in God.  She had a very severe mental disorder and required many long stays in hospitals and much medication...she even had shock treatment therapy many times. It was so sad and deeply affected me!   I will never forget her! Much was written on my heart because of this.

This effects everyone in a family because illnesses like these can be difficult.  Sometimes all we want to do is run away because we aren't equipped to handle all of our emotions, their (the ill person, that is)  thoughts and outbursts.  Handling our reactions as well is a tough challenge.  We often reject these people in a deep way because of our fear and our tendency to try unsuccessfully to help them.  We aren't the professionals!

The best advice I can give...is to educate yourself as much as possible about the illness, learn how to cope and view this as an illness.  Learn how to cope with your own tendencies to pull away.  Ask the professional to give you some insight  regarding  your tendencies to pull away!  I asked God what was wrong with me for not showing better love!  He told me the truth about myself and revealed much more about her!  Many times I failed her but she knew my heart  well and did understand much about her illness.  Understand within yourself your own reasons for rejecting this person....I had many shortcomings within myself! I ran from the illness but not from her!  Feeling guilty didn't help anyone...having extra insight resolved feelings of guilt in me and I was better able to help in a wholesome way.  Often i would find myself just sharing the truth with my sister , I told her that her illness was sometimes hard to bear and she helpedme.  I, softly spoke to her about how I loved her and didn't always know how to help.  I asked her for her help in this.  She gave me so to speak her permission  for me to back off when it became too hard for me.  This established time for me to reflect as well as her.  We became joint partners in finding a healthier resolution.  Asking for permisssion from the ill person allows for their input and validates them as a person who is regarded with esteem...

She was a lovely, warm hearted person...probably the best Christian I ever knew!  And many people saw her maybe as a bit quacky,  but also someone who walked closely with God who often times had great advice and wisdom...

something interesting about plants...planted in the desert...they are beautiful too.  Something to ask yourself about life is ...who does God love more...the healthy plant or the sick one?

I stayed focused on things like this...and kept some distance when I couldn't handle it all.  But I gave her much affirmation of love and built her up  and told her how much I valued her love for others and her Christian faith.  We all need validation so concentrate on where we can build another one up.  This is good because it releases in us the love factor in us...and creates a loving atmosphere.  If we deposit into someone elses love bank we can at itmes make withdrawals with their permission ...and they don't mind this too much when they know we are genuine. She responded much better to love and we both managed better as we felt dual co-operation at work.  We became partners in her care!

She had great wisdom in many areas...and a deep kindness for everyone.  

When my father was placed in a nursing home.  He had to placed in Acheimer's ward due to a lack of beds.  One day a very disturbed patient was mad at another patient.  And I was approached by him...He was ranting and raving about how this other patient deserved to be put in jail, etc for going into his home (which was his personal room in the hospital).  This was my first visitation to see my own dear father and I was so shocked that I didn't know what to say.  So I, thinking of something quickly said "Well he's probably not so bad once you get to know him!"  Needless to say this was not the response he wanted to hear.  And  to my utter dismay he started yelling at me and was getting quite mad! The noise was so loud - as he was quite upset with me for not being in agreement with him, that a nurse came running to help. She said to me  " It's better to agree with them!"  

I learned something about dysfunction that day.  We don't have to correct everything that is said by an ill person ...We can dissolve alot of stress in them by not trying to force"right thinking" on them.  This gave me alot of help in dealing with my sister.  I could apply common sense to her in a better way by applying the principle the nurse taught me that day, because of what I learned that day in the old folks home!

Try to develop compassion.  As a Christian...I saw how Christ loved my sister and this helped me alot. Viewing her with the love of Christ.   When I did this sometimes I saw

the way around the various situations...and could turn it into good.  

People suffering from these disorders  and other mental  problems are not stupid and sometimes they test us...they just want love and validation on some levels. Just like a little kid can be a brat  so can they!  Think too  of the child who is misbehaving when all he relly wants is a hug and some attention.  When it isn't working and you can't be effective...take a breather and distance yourelf and don't feel guilty about doing so!   You have these right of ways too.  Educating yourself for knowing how to communicate in stressful moments  will always help!  And looking into the illness gives one a better understanding too.  

Hope this helps!  I have posted a web page for you to consider.  Bipolar is  listed.

Answer 3

One of my daughters-in-law has bi-polar.  When I first met her, she was a great person .. self-reliant, mother of 3 children, had a home that she took care of very well.  After she married our son, she did extremely well until they decided to have more children and was taken off of her meds.  Since she has had two more children ages 10, 8 now the doctors have had a very difficult time finding the right meds to get her straightened out again.  She's either a zombie that sits around doped up or frantic.  I pray the doctor's will find the right meds and/or dosages for her to return to a "normal" life.

Answer 4

I myself have bipolar disorder and there's times I can't stand to be alone with even myself.  Well, not anymore now that I've found the medication that helps, but I'd often wake up crying about some nightmare, then begging for attention, then happy for a few moments, then back again.

Romantic relationships I've had didn't work out (it wasn't because of bipolar though), but they all said they'd wish they could've helped because they really loved me.  I was a total pain in the a**.

Answer 5

Yes, my husband was dx'd bipolar and for the first 13 years of our marriage and it was pretty tough.  He had a lot of depression from it and it was hard for me because I had to make all the decisions about everything.  I had to tell him what to do all of the time, because he just couldn't think for himself. And when he was manic it was hard because he was on a mission and wouldn't listen then either!  It can be very frustrating!  But God is bigger than bipolar!  He was delivered from it 5 years ago.  A group of wonderful christians ( who have ministry of freeing people of generational gabage) got together with him, led him in some prayers and he knew he was delivered instantly.  All of a sudden I was married to a normal person and I've got to say, God is sooooooo good!!!  

Email me if you would like and I could give you details.  

Answer 6

My mother likely is. Not an easy childhood with her and no medication at all. Honestly we're not very close, even now, largely due to so many years of my life spent never knowing what her mood would be any given day. I just couldn't trust it, so I withdrew. Even now the medications she takes today don't make things all better, she needs therapy but won't do it. She often will flip out over the stupidest things. The most recent, she couldn't find the cat box scoop and pretty much had a temper tantrum. Living with her, as I still do at the moment, has always been emotionally exhausting.

Answer 7

When someone close to you has bipolar disorder, it can be very hard. Helping to care for the person takes time, patience, and understanding.

At times you may feel like you are responsible for making this person well, but you're not. Your support is just one part of this person's treatment.

If your partner have bipolar disorder, sometimes called manic depression, your first reaction may be to keep the  condition a secret. Certainly sharing it with others is hard.

But keeping your partner's  condition a secret from people close to you may not be the best thing to do. It may be helpful if your trusted friends and family know what your partner  going through. Your health care provider or therapist can help your partner decide that.

During a manic episode, your partner may do things that  wouldn't do normally. Your partner may hurt people that you care about. Your partner may make bad decisions that are tough to fix. Picking up the pieces can be hard.

Sometimes, it may seem easier to isolate yourself after this happens. You partner may be ashamed of how  acted. Your partner may be afraid to face your friends and family again. But isolation usually isn't good.

Instead, consider reaching out to the people that your partner hurt. Explain how your partner  really haven't been her/himself. You may need to make some apologies for him/her. If your partner did something wrong, you may want to let them know your partner is getting help.

Bipolar disorder is an illness like other medical illnesses. It's not something to be ashamed of.

To help, it's important that you learn all you can about bipolar disorder, sometimes called bipolar depression. Your knowledge of the illness and how it is treated can make a difference. It can give your loved one a unique, personal, and loving source of support.

Answer 8

My mother is bi-polar.  Her emotional episodes are so draining to the point where I'm just physically and mentally exhausted.  She flips on the most trivial things that a rational person would just blow off.  It's especially hard when she gets like this to other members of the family/family friends and I have to cover for her saying things like: "Oh, that's just how she is" and "You know her, she's just crazy."  It's embarrassing in public, annoying when alone and God, I can't wait until I can move the h**l out. :]

Answer 9

My boyfriend says it IS exhausting - I wasn't diagnosed until a year after we met so he put up with the worst of me before I was on my meds. :P But now that I'm being treated he thinks it's alot better!

Answer 10

I know a person who has it and she is not an easy person to be around when the episodes start.

The main thing is to take the medication as directed Many times when they start to feel that they are OK, they skip the medication and then the roller coaster starts.

Answer 11

I love what Strawberry had to say. She mirrors how I think and how I've had to deal with people all my life. I would only add that being diagnosed "bipolar" is at best a guess, like putting your Q in the right category. I grew up with a disorder the doctors couldn't define so I went through a battery of tests, involving psycho-therapy, forced seizures, experimental meds, mental evaluations, suspicions of child abuse, and threats of seclusion. The doctors gave me experimental pills like spices off a kitchen shelf. Then they asked me how the pills helped or didn't help me. From age 11 to 17, I helped more doctors than any doctor ever helped me. I learned that I could help myself by learning what the doctors were trying to learn. And I had only one patient. I gradually gained a little control over my condition enough that I could reduce my medication. At first the doctors said this was impossible and that I was faking it from the beginning. My case was recorded as the first such case.

I believe your condition is whatever you make of it. My mother may have been "bipolar" by your standards. She would be nice one day. The next day, she tore my hair out. (literally) She would get along fine one day. The next day she would be physically attacking my dad. I used my ability to control myself to mediate peace between my parents.

I played three sports, using self-control and determination to excel. I was told playing sports might kill me so I played all the harder because I didn't want to live like that. Then I had to play better than I was just to show I was normal. My experiences, plus a HS football coach who understood me, helped me be a coach that related to children and a substitute teacher that related to children with problems. Whenever I dealt with a child who had a problem with his handicap, I tried to empathize with him but still be tough. That's how my HS football coach treated me. He demanded that I respect myself. He got into my head and made me do things that I didn't know I could do.

One of my first experiences with a child with ADHD confirmed to me that the child can be smarter than the doctor. This child was on a behavior adjustment regimen that was evaluated weekly. No changes were allowed within that week. It took the child two days to figure out how to use the regimen to his benefit. When I told the doctor how he was using her, she insisted that her way was better than no way. I told her that her way was no way. The next week that child figured out her new regimen in two days again. When he noticed that I saw what he was doing, I didn't even have to say anything. He looked embarrassed as I smiled. From then on I had no more problems with him than you'd have with any child.

In the school system, I dealt with children diagnosed with various behavior problems. Authority Defiant Disorder was new to me when I was confronted with a child with this problem. He had become a liability to the school because he would run off school property while the school was responsible for him. So the next time he ran home, I ran with him. When we got to his house, I told him I didn't think he would beat me, but I wasn't going to let him beat me tomorrow. The principal wasn't too happy with my solution but, like I told him, the child was supervised. The next day the child didn't want to run home again. When he didn't want to go in from recess, I'd tell him we should race to the door, and that he didn't have a chance because I was the fastest on my team. He couldn't resist the challenge. At a parent-teacher conference, the counselors didn't like my methods, but the child's father was in tears as he asked them how I got him to stop running home from school.

In my own life, I sometimes fear that I myself might be "bipolar". Besides all the treatment I've had growing up, and I did have suicidal thoughts and murderous thoughts, I've had psychiatric treatment and ongoing counseling. I've been taking medication for seizures and just recently noticed they are also given for bi-polar. My moods are very up-and-down, and I cry a lot when I am alone. It's a good thing I've never drunk or done drugs, or I might have been buried in that world. I wonder if "bipolar" might not cover a much broader area of undiagnosed problems. When I was young, my seizures were called one thing. They might not have been seizures at all. Now they're called something entirely different. Thirty years ago, who was "bipolar"? Thirty years from now, will anyone be called "bipolar"?

It would be less exhausting to live with someone who is "bipolar" if we would consider ourselves "bipolar". I like to describe "bipolar" as a crisscross. A left-right moral judgment with a up-down ego value. A feel-good-feel-bad vertical is connected with a do-right-do-wrong horizontal. I know this is a toy but psych's love their tools and a toy is just and entertaining tool.

We try to use the phrase, "What if you were in his shoes?"

It might work better if we thought as if, "I am in his shoes."

We try to use the phrase, "What would Jesus do?"

It might work better if we said, "What if I were Jesus?"

Answer 12

I have Bi-polar and I feel sorry for my Mum who lives with me,she puts up with me and supports me but it must be hard,she's great.

Answer 13

I can tell you right now that drained is an understatement for how you feel living with someone with bipolar!  I have been married for 15 years to my husband who was diagnosed with bipolar 5 years ago.  It was a huge relief finding out that we knew what was wrong with him and that he wasn't just "a jerk" he actually had a reason for what was wrong with him.  However, after 5 years and the doctors still not having found the right concoction of medication to help him, I almost want to be admitted to the mental hospital because I feel like *I* am the one with the mental illness.  I can't even begin to explain to someone all of the difficulties that come with living with someone bipolar.  My husband tried to commit suicide early on in his diagnosis and that is something that is constantly in the back of my head---is he going to try again?  Also, with bipolar, they often have more than one diagnosis.  My husband also has intermittent explosive disorder, panic disorder, and social anxiety disorder.  These are almost harder to live with than the bipolar---he explodes over silly things sometimes, and he hates being out in public....not 2 things that go well with raising children.

Anyway, it is more than draining living with someone with bipolar, and I must say that God has helped me so much through it all....I think I would have lost it a long time ago were it not for HIM ;)