What is next for Ricky Ponting?
England retained the Ashes title and the world’s smallest trophy known as the urn. The urn will now carry the ashes of Australia’s almost “ex-captain” Ricky Ponting. No, he is not dying of the shock of losing his pride by a flabbergasting innings and 157
runs.
His heart is bleeding. The ashes of the burnt heart will grace the urn. The skipper will now have to think what went wrong? He played all the cards right. He even wrote a letter to Santa asking for a miracle. Ponting still believes that the white bearded
Claus will climb up his chimney and place the urn under the Christmas tree even though Kevin Pietersen told him Santa does not exist. He also forgot to see the King’s Speech. He even had a free ticket that was gifted to him by England’s captain Andrew Strauss.
The English movie had a special message encoded during Colin Firth’s speech. But it was denied on the cricket field, all because of Ponting.
Strauss and his men who have seen the movie in their home theatres with their LBW’s (that’s lovers, belles and wives for the slang-illiterate people), knew the key to win the Ashes. The hidden message read that every Englishman has something to learn from
any Australian. So the English reviewed the Ashes series from the last twenty four years. They also flew in with the state-of-art technology where the batsmen saw a 3-D image of the Aussie bowlers. That is really cool. However, Ponting did not see the movie.
The embedded message said that no Australian could learn anything useful from an Englishman. The Australians have always held close to the Ashes winning formula. “You invented it, but we perfected it” was the Aussies mantra, however the English got through
the code with some help from the lovely Elizabeth Hurley. And Ponting was left to nurse his pinkie.
It was all over for Ponting on Wednesday. He did not even get to have his lunch at the Melbourne Cricket Ground (MCG). The camera bore into his squinting eyes. He was bemused when the last man standing fell. http://www.senore.com/Cricket/Australia-c746 lost, the Ashes were lost and Ponting
was lost. He stared ahead, not even blinking an eyelid. He stared ahead in wilderness, maybe seeing his future or maybe he was hallucinating that he saw Santa. He was reminiscing on the fact that how the Boxing Day feast was making him sick, he should not
have eaten the Turkey with chocolate. It smelt funny but he ate it anyways thinking it will be gulped down in no time. Yet the future looks bleak for him.
A lot is being said about poor Ponting. Is it the last we are seeing of Ricky “Punter” Ponting in the baggy green? Will he sport a saggy green or will it turn into a vomiting shade of green? He has not performed this year to his ability and he is using a
lot of age-miracle beauty creams. After the fifth Test match, Australia won’t be playing a Test series for a long time so he is bound to be pushed from the cliff by the selection committee. So what could Ponting do? Of course retiring will be the top most
priority. Stop playing cricket, not even exhibition matches. Everyone is saying so but Ponting likes to do things his style. He will not retire, they have to push him off the cliff to make him leave cricket.
The second obvious option is to disappear, maybe try to get his hands on Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak. If that does not work, he can always get help from Pakistan’s runaway wicketkeeper Zulqarnain Haider. Haider offers kidnapping plan services on his
Facebook page and it won’t cost him a dime to make long distant calls. Yet there is a downside to this option, the Aussies will probably say good riddance. But he can get a sympathy vote.
The third option is maybe contacting the bookies in the sub-continent. It might not be ethical but the Aussies are not known for their ethical values. He can fix a match, maybe two and then make a video of himself with a camcorder exposing the fixing hoopla.
The controversy will put all the attention elsewhere and fingers will be pointed towards his character. He can get help from more Pakistani players in this regard.
There is also an option of flirting on Twitter with some nurse. He will get sympathy votes again if he checks himself in a rehabilitation centre. Poor, depressive Punter- the headlines will read the next day. No mention of the poor form. The catch here is
that his married life could be in jeopardy. He can always sell balloons outside the Sydney Test with “Hail England” imprinted on them. This will definitely work for Ponting, no controversies, no divorces. Leave the captaincy; it was an extra responsibility
on poor Ponting’s shoulders anyways.
Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are solely of the writer’s and do not reflect bettor.com’s official editorial policy.
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