What is the 'adoption community'??

Question

I am an adoptee.

I have lived adoption my entire life.

I am in communication with many on all sides of adoption - on a frequent basis.

Am I not part of the 'adoption community' - or are adoptees that are vocal and hope for best parenting practices for all adoptees - excluded from this secret club???

And is all research which implies that their are issues within current adoption practices considered void and null - because they perhaps don't fit in with the adoption agency line??

Just curious really.

Thanks.

Answer 1

Oh sweetie, you don't want to be a part of that club.  I tried to get in once, but then I realized that the ONLY people in that club are those who feel the need to make themselves sound important and knowledgeable because they've spent significant amounts of time talking to others who have purchased children in order to meet their own wants.

ETA:  You know what comes to mind when I hear the phrase "adoption community"?  The Men's Club in the Stepford Wives (note: I've only read the book, so I don't know what the movie is like...hope everyone knows what I'm talking about).

Answer 2

Dear Possum,

If an adoptee isn't a part of the "adoption community," I don't know who the h3ll is.   Your voice is such a gift, please, ignore the ignorant.  Keep up dispelling the adoption myths.  You are heard and appreciated:)

Answer 3

There is no such thing as an "adoption community."    There are just many different lobby groups and individuals affected by adoption.

- various people of many paths but especially adoptees lobbying for open records.  

- the NCFA and other adoption agency lobby groups lobbying to keep records closed.

- people wanting to adopt or who have adopted who are lobbying for more access to international adoption, reduced or eliminated "revokation" periods for mothers,

-- the same people lobbying for reduced or eliminated number of days that a mom can theoretically "recover" after birth before she signs papers (at-birth and pre-birth consents are the new legislative fashion)

-- mothers speaking out about injustices, coerced surrenders, and reforms to the industry to prevent the same thing happening to future moms.

-- the "safe haven" movement which lobbies for 'safe havens" where anyone can drop off anyone else's baby with no questions asked, to supposedly "prevent" neonaticide.

-- the "open adoption" movement, which began in the mid-1970s by social workers Baran, Pannor and Sorosky to encourage agencies to institute open adoption to (1) get more mothers to surrender babies as moms had began to keep their babies, and to (2) remove the need for adoptees to search.

-- the "adoption healing" support groups.

-- the gov't-funded "second-chance homes" (maternity homes) to again get more mothers to surrender babies because of the stigma against unwed parenthood, federal desire to cut the number of single parents on social assistance, and the market for babies.

-- the "ethical adoption" crew of Evan B. Donaldson and Ethica groups.

Is there enough?  There is no "adoption community".  Only many special-interest groups, activists, movements, and funded programs which usually fit into the categories such as "pro-adoption," "anti-adoption," "family preservation," and "adoption reform."  Some of which are often directly opposed to each other .

Answer 4

It's politically correct speak for f*cked members.

1) People who got screwed out of being raised by their families, for whatever reason.

2) People who got screwed (or stupidly lost the opportunity) out of raising their own children.

3) Infertile (or do-gooders) who have convinced themselves it's all the same so they adopt, and don't know what they got themselves into.

4) The gate-keepers of the "community", the agencies and attorneys who get money for their membership with none of the pain.  

Answer 5

Suzy Sunshine: "It is one thing to have a viewpoint, it is another to launch endless bizarre attacks against anyone who does not happen to agree."

I agree with you, so maybe you should stop launching such endless bizarre attacks against anyone who does not happen to agree with you, such as Possum.

Poss, I don't know what the "adoption community" is to be honest. I always imagined it was the members of the triad, but the more I hear about it, the more I think its the PAPs, APs and lawyers and other official people who divide families and ruin lives. (That's not to say all PAPs or APs are like that, but sadly some are)

Answer 6

I think you probably have a very hard time being a part of any community that does not endorse your extremely angry and unreasonable views. But you are still a part of the triad and if you choose to spend more time in the community over time you may find a way to live a little more peacefully in the world.

It is one thing to have a viewpoint, it is another to launch endless bizarre attacks against anyone who does not happen to agree.  

Answer 7

Unfortunately, the adoption community is very much like adoption in general.  It is supposed to be all about the best interests of the child, but when push actually comes to shove, the child (grown or otherwise) is secondary to the entire discussion.  The generally accepted nomenclature "the adoption triad" is a farce.  Both bparents in the same corner of the triangle?  Both aparents in the same corner?  The adoptee all alone?  Bwah...an adoption situation (for lack of a better word) is at least a pentagon.  

I find again and again, that the adoptee point of view is summarily written off for ridiculous reasons by un-informed people.  As I said earlier, adoption has very little to do with the actual child adopted.  That is the indefinable, untouchable, and humiliating fact of adoption:  the adoptee doesn't really count.  

Answer 8

Possum, you know your own truth.

Stick by that. You should never have to feel your opinion is less validated just because Adoptive Mommy 1 wants to believe there are sunshine, bunnies and daisies in adoption.

And no, talking about how your child experienced racism and brushing it off as "all children get teased, plus we love you and we're your parents so that's all that matters" does NOT count as discussing racism and ethnic issues.

You need to blog more often, Poss.... these would be such good topics to blog about.

ETA: [I think you probably have a very hard time being a part of any community that does not endorse your extremely angry and unreasonable views.]

There's that dismissive wave again. The familiar label of "angry." Sigh.

Answer 9

"Do you really believe that adopting because you want to have a child is "the wrong reason"? Isn't that just human nature? I would strongly suggest that you spend more time learning about adoption if you are seriously considering it. You may know a lot about Guatemala, but I don't think you know a lot about parenting."

Well, when I was considering adoption a few years ago and was on a support adoption board this is the lovely response I got from the moron that started the board.

It was in response to the following questions I posted.

1. Why is it that so many people on here complain about the wait process?

Isn't it good that there isn't a supply of young children needing

homes?

2. Why do so many AP here question a birth parent ethics/decision when they change their minds or the gov't steps in when something "wasn't right" about the adoption of a certain child?

3.With so much corruption going on, why haven't AP's of guatemalan

children gone back to the country to make sure their adopted child

wasn't taken away from a birthmother? Right now many are standing up because of coercion/fraud and they want their babies back.

4.Why do so many people on here praise themselves for wanting to adopt but have such strict requirements like under 5 or a baby and no health issues. Isn't the idea of adoption about helping a child in need that doesn't have parents and needs a home?

I guess if your not in the mentality "all is good in adoption land" than your against adoption in general. The responses to the questions were honest, pathetic and disturbed. Most were negative comments about guatemalan nmoms.   A couple of people even got upset when I corrected them that Mayan isn't a language.

Edit: VANs post is possibly a virus. Just hit ctrl..alt..delete. Task manager.