What is the Correct Etiquette? ?

Question

As a professional male executive, I am introduced to many, many people. I am under 40 and have been taught both through upbringing and even in etiquette sessions that when introduced to a woman, never extend your hand to "shake hands" until the woman extends her hand. Aspiring to always be a gentleman, I have stuck to this almost without fail.

Sometimes, however, I feel that I am leaving the wrong perception in the minds of many women that I meet. I can sense some awkwardness when I extend my hand to men, but then wait for the women to extend theirs.

Am I abiding by the correct etiquette or am I sending the wrong message?

Please help!

Answer 1

Dang!  That's a toughie!  I've actually never heard of waiting for a woman to raise her hand first.  I would just not waste time with it and extend your hand first.  It's a greeting.  Why waste time with possibly outdated formalities?  Shaking her hand and having a professional greeting will outweigh this even if you don't wait for her.

Answer 2

If you are meeting her in her place of work, then she is welcoming you, so she should raise her hand first.  But if she comes to your workplace then you should shake her hand first to welcome her to your workplace.  If you are meeting in a restaurant for lunch that's a difficult one to call.

Answer 3

In a nutshell: Culture, not gender, determines with whom (or whether) to shake hands.

I agree with the post that advises that 'business is business.' In American culture, to defer shaking hands with a business colleague simply because she's female is to immediately establish an air of inequality. "What? You're too afraid to shake my hand? Scared that you'll hurt me? That I couldn't possibly handle your manliness? Gimme a break!"  If you'd shake a man's hand in the business situation, do so with a woman. Also, I'd say "waiting" for the extended hand is a sign of immediate deferment to that woman's "power," perceived or not.

Not only will shaking hands with a woman establish you as business "equals," it's a sign of mutual respect to/for that woman, especially in the presence of other men.

The only cautions I would offer are:

1) temper a "beefy" handshake, if you have one. Firm but not crushing. 2) Don't keep hold of her hand any longer than you would a man's. 3) Don't "clamshell" it (use the other hand to cusp and thus, "trap" hers) and, 4) for goodness sake, DON'T do one-a those "delicate" grab-her-fingers or hand her a "wet fish" (a totally limp hand).

All the best,

=D

Answer 4

Waiting for a lady to shake first is admirable and very gallant. I think you should feel comfortable with extending your hand first. I would be more apt to shake hands if it was offered first.

Answer 5

No you are wrong.  In the business world women are equal (the way it should be in general) so offer your hand to shake with a woman the same way you would with a man.  It is expected.

Answer 6

If you are meeting the woman under business circumstances then you should consider her a business peer and extend your hand as you would to a man.  If you are meeting her under personal circumstances then wait for her or do as the others are doing so as to not stand out.  Thank you for being a gentleman.  There are so few these days.

Answer 7

You are correct.  A woman should always extend her hand first.  Those who don't just aren't as educated as you and I. *W*  Good manners are never outdated.

Answer 8

You were taught correctly - a gentleman does not extend his hand unless the woman first extends hers.  I'd say though, if you have just shaken hands with a man (or men) in the group, go ahead and extend your hand towards the woman (women) in order to avoid an awkward moment.