What is the absolute worst thing a family member has done to you or done to hurt you (excluding abuse please)?

Question

I prepared EVERYTHING for my mom's birthday party today, and yet she never showed me a single appreciation for it. But when a cousin arrived, she showered them with all the praises she could give.

Not a single thank you or a hug for my efforts.

I'm hurting inside but I don't want anyone in my family to know about it. They will just probably laugh at me, dismissing my feelings and telling me to get over it cause it's mom.

And THAT will hurt me more.

The party's over and mom's asleep already, everyone's gone while I just finished cleaning up.

Now I have a headache. :(

Answer 1

It involved the suspicious circumstances surrounding the mysterious disappearance of a certain beloved Rubber Ducky!  :-(    [Sis, hope you come back as a shrimp next time and get tossed on the eternal flames of a genuine Down Under Barby. :-)]



Here's a lil' gift for you to SMILE the headache away dear [Remember - Moms almost always take the ones they LOVE the most for granted; CRAZY huh?]:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWqCReOXj...

.

Answer 2

Tell her.  Wake her up and tell her if you have to.  How will she know otherwise?  Is your family sorta stand-offish like mine was?  Then you must make it known how you are hurting, even if you get laughter - at least you will have gotten it off of your chest.

You don't have to let this hurt you, you know.  It is your choice, your mind, your heart.

Answer 3

I love my family but I must say that when I was growing up, I didn't get much support from them at times when I really needed it  They were always very negative and it made life quite hurtful and difficult at times.

Answer 4

I'm sorry you were taken for granted.. what you did is very respectful and loving.  Your mother is very fortunate.

my mother laughed in my face when I told her about an early ambition.  I was 13.

I guess that early hurt made me a better mother, though.  I've always reminded myself to listen to my child's thoughts with respect and interest.  

I try to remember my mother did the best she could with what she endured from her own family during her formative years.  that helps me put all that in the past.

Answer 5

Years ago, my older sister and her husband were working hard to make a go of their lives.  My brother-in-law was skilled at working a variety of different pieces of heavy equipment, because he'd been doing it for his father's sand and gravel business since he was a teen.  My brother-in-law bought a front-end-loader, with his father as co-signer.  About this same time, the father retired, and the other two brothers went into business together to run the old sand and gravel business, and to open a concrete plant.  One morning my brother-in-law got up to go to his new small business, and discovered the loader was missing.  He immediately called the cops.  The cop said, "Your dad already called us.  The loader hasn't been stolen;  it has been sold."  

The terms of the contract were that the father was not simply co-signer, but actually co-owner, and under the terms of the contract, he had a right to sell the equipment, which he did, at far below replacement cost....to the brothers who took over the "family business."

In other words, he put one brother out of a small business and gave an advantage to two other sons.  The case of ownership of the loader went to court.  The judged ruled in favor of the father, saying while what he did was reprehensible, it was not illegal, and it was within the terms of the agreement he had signed with the son.  The judged asked my brother-in-law if he had any questions, and he said, "Just one.  How does a man trust anyone if he can not trust his own father?"  The judge said, "I wish I could answer that question for you, son, but I can not."

That brother-in-law eventually became an alcoholic.  He and my sister divorced.  I saw him recently.  He's sober now, but old and sad.  He never came to terms with his father while the father was living, and I think his relationship with his own sons is very strained.

Outside of actual abuse, this is about as bad as I've ever seen.

Answer 6

oh dangit! one time my mom bought me a bmw instead of the mercedes i asked for. i had told all my friends i was getting a mercedes. i was sooooooo embarrassed. i almost missed freshman prom because i had to park my horrible new bmw down the block behind the prep school water park. dangit! i don't think i will ever forgive my moms.

Answer 7

When my mother was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, my attorney sister re-appeared from her self-chosen family exile and assumed a durable power of attorney by faking a reconciliation with mother after 10 years of estrangement.  She then used that and the better-than-good "medical dignity" details of the Oregon hospice law to falsify our mother's condition to her caregivers.  And emptied her bank accounts and safe-deposit box -- not to steal, but instead to finally be seen as the only person of responsibility in the family.  Telling the hospice that mother had "two weeks to live", they of course were happy to accept the $25K my sister offered of my mother's money -- that is, until she was still alive some 11 months later and that money had long since run out.  So they evicted her, and for the next two plus years we lived by the skin of our teeth until she passed.  I woke up one morning and she was gone, and my total assets amounted to $100 and the title to a fifteen year old Honda.  Pretty much where I stand to this day, plus a pile of high-interest debt.

How much of this was intended by my sister to actually hurt me, as your question asks, I can't say.  Her target was my mother.  Even there, the punishment was secondary -- a fact which most people don't understand.  It was her OWN prestige that most concerned my sister.  My feeling was and is that the whole plan, long nurtured, was more in line with Hitler's extermination of the Jews, which was never meant to be cruel per se -- only a means to an end which was the rectification of the purity and position of the Fatherland.  The Jews, like my mother, simply had to die because it was the only solution to restore correct order.  No hard feelings, you see.  But as she said, "Why take her to a doctor when all he can tell us is that our mother is dying?"

Or to quote one memorable statement from a member of the House of Commons: 'I didn't lie.  I was economical with the truth.'

My sister did not attend my mother's funeral, even tried unsuccessfully  to legally block any memorial service.   We have not spoken since, or rather from the day (coincidentally my own birthday in 1993) when I managed to have her legal power removed.  "De-clawed", as my mother put it.

On all sides, though, and admitting the situation may be one day better resolved, it was an experience of which I am proud -- and one that daily gives me courage in facing the adversities that everyday life offers and left me once and for all convinced of my own self-worth and better able to understand the way that some people act.   Knowledge, however hardly acquired, is strength.  That is why, by the way, I am so discontented with our government's present policies, and feel I see them for what they really are -- free of the confusion I felt forty years ago when belief in some eventual goodness in ALL people made it so that I could not understand how we took the courses we did during the last period of popular insanity that affected us all during the '60's. I mean the assassinations, the Vietnam War, the advent of the drug-culture -- all that.

The fact is there is a small proportion of people whose only motive is furtherance of their own personal plan, whatever the cost to others.  The only consolation is the realization that their actions are completely impersonal -- that what seems intentionally cruel is actually absolute lack of concern for anyone else, period.  It COULD be worse -- I could have been born (or perhaps become) one of them.

Not yet, nor ever, I hope.

Answer 8

Aww. That is sad. Why don't you talk to your Mom about this and tell her how you feel?

Answer 9

Sorry, my family has never done anything this hurtful! Is this typical behavior for your mom?  Are you always there for your mom on a daily basis helping her, doing things for her?  If so she sounds like she's just used to you always doing things for her and she's assuming you know she's appreciative.  If this isn't usual for her you may need to blow your own horn when she wakes up and tell her how you feel.  Don't throw YOU don't appreciate all I've done for you and YOU gave more attention to the cousin. Just tell her how you feel and that you're hurt.  Everyone needs a pat on the back with a simple good job every once in a while.  It's not enough to say doing something nice for someone makes you feel good...all the time!  Lets be realistic here!  Sure shootin' the moment you stop doing nice things that's when you'll get noticed, only it won't be a positive comment!  You could always be snarky and say "You're welcome for the party I planned and totally executed."  "You're very welcome for the clean up I did after the party."  "Thank you for appreciating me and I love you too!"

Answer 10

How about kicking you when you are down and in a state of grief eh? Rubbing it in, telling you that you deserve it? How about having family members at your mom's funeral make comments about "unbelievers" being in h**l? How about having your father threaten and chase off the one person you really loved (romantically speaking I mean)? And then him and his new girlfriend gloat about it?

How about not having one person hug you after you lost someone you loved? Instead telling you to get over it....

Just keep in mind that your problems, although I am sure they seem like a big deal to you right now, are nothing compared to what some other people suffer. Even my problems are nothing compared to what other people suffer. There's a lot worse things than not being appreciated for planning a birthday party. My suggestion would be to take something for your headache and sit down and write them a letter to get all your feelings straightened out what you want to say to them. Just tell them how you feel. Tell 'em you feel unappreciated.

Answer 11

well i feel bad as h**l for you.

ive had a similiar problem.

it seemed like no matter what i did, i never got any appreciation for it.

*sigh

well i guess theres not much to do.

*HUGGZ*

Answer 12

tell her how you feel...

Answer 13

i know its sad

n actually, its d same case here

u know wht, it happens with me for both mom n dad

now, i hav seriously given up with them

i no more want them ! i cant think abt them anymore

if they cant apperiate my work, i just leave it off !

anywayz, i know how u feels

(hug) take care

there is more life than family, ok

hey, its sid again

i answered 3 Qs by u anywayz

n after reading dis Q of urs, i gav u star for all 3 Q

now, plz smile for me ............

wanna b friendz ?

Answer 14

aw.. that almost made me cry~

tell your mom about it.

o.o and you poor thing -hugs yew-

have a good night