What is the best joke you have ever heard?

Question

What is the best joke you have ever heard?

Answer 1

It was actually right here on Yahoo answers. It was hilarious.

Answer 2

Burial at Sea

Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters, had promised their Uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman all his life, to bury him at sea when he died. Of course, in due time, he did pass away; and the two blondes kept their promise.

They set off from New London , CT with their uncle all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat.

After a while Bubbles says, 'Do you think we're out far enough, Barbie?' Barbie slipped over the side; and finding the water only knee deep said, 'Nope, not yet, Bubbles.' So they rowed a little farther....

Again Bubbles asked Barbie, 'do you think were out far enough now?' Once again Barbie slipped over the side and almost immediately said, 'No, this will never do, the water is only up to my chest.'

So on they rowed and rowed and rowed; and finally Barbie slipped over the side and disappeared.

Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Bubbles was really getting worried, when suddenly Barbie broke the surface. Gasping for breath she said, 'OK, it's finally deep enough. Hand me the shovel.'

Answer 3

Annie invited her mother over for dinner one night. While they were eating Annie's mother noticed how beautiful Annie's roomate Heather was, Annie's mother always questioned her daughters sexuality. Annie leaned over and whispered to her mother "i know what your thinking, but Heather and I are only friends" the next day Heather asked Annie if she knew where the silver ladle was. "It should be in the kitchen" said Annie. "Write to your mother, maybe she took it" suggested Heather. Annie grabbed a pencil and a piece of paper and began writing. "Dear mother, i'm not saying you did take our ladle, and i'm not saying you didn't take our ladle, but the fact remains, our ladle is missing" Weeks went by until finally Annie got a reply from her mother. "Dear Annie, i'm not saying you do sleep with Heather, and i'm not saying you don't sleep with Heather, but the fact remains, if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would of found it by now" Love, your mother.

Answer 4

A father and son snake are out for a nice afternoon slither.

The son asks, "Dad is we poisonous snakes?"

The father replies proudly, "Yes son, we are rattler snakes! Why do you ask son?"

"Because DAD, I just bit my tongue!!"

joke2

The kids filed back into class Monday morning.

They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then share with the class how they were successful.

Little Mary led off, "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "my sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Sally was next, "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events."

"Very good, Sally," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467" he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes?" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a chocolate chip cookie stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample.

They all said, “This tastes like p**p!" Then I replied, “It is. Wanna buy a toothbrush?!!"

joke3

A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede (a 100-legged bug) that came in a little white box which served as the bug's house.

He took his purchase home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him. So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time." But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.

So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "HEY IN THERE! WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO CHURCH WITH ME AND LEARN ABOUT THE LORD?"

(YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS!)

And a little voice came out of the box.........

"I heard you the first time.......I'm putting on my shoes!"

Answer 5

A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, when they came across a badly mangled dead body. As they got closer, they found it was an American soldier.

A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled Iraqi soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to breathe. They ran to him, cradled his bruised head and asked him what had happened.

"Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth when I came across this heavily armed American border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, George W. Bush is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash!'

He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'Saddam is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash too!'

We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."