What is the best/most mature thing to do?

Question

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. We are both graduating college in April. We've had our fair share of problems. I struggled with jealousy, and he struggled with controlling his temper. He has called me a b*tch numerous times and has said very hurtful things, like he only treats me badly sometimes because of how I treat him. He also lied to me about smoking for 2 years, I don't smoke, but he did the whole time, and I had no idea. I don't mean to make it sound like I was perfect, but sometimes I just felt like he was very selfish, and blamed me for everything always. About 3 months ago he declared a break, and I was devastated. He said he was too, but that he was doing it to help us. As time went on, I was still very sad, but I started to move on, not to another person, but just got used to life without him. Then he told me how he felt like I only thought he was a convenience and he felt like he wasn't as important. Then he told me we are getting back together, and if we aren't "officially" back together then he would stop talking to me and never see me again and we should both just move on with our lives. Well I went ahead and got back together with him, but I just feel less into it. Sometimes I feel like there is someone better out there for me, and I just haven't met them yet, and the other part thinks that's naive. I'm not sure what the right thing to do is because there is a lot of me that still thinks I want to be with him, but I just don't know if it's right. Part of it is, I'm worried that I won't meet anyone else, especially since I'm graduating college soon, and I do think I love him. He's one of my best friends at college so I feel like if I broke up with him for the last year of school here, it would be hard. I hate feeling lonely. I don't think that I want to do that, but what are your suggestions? If I tell him that I want a break he will just tell me it's over, and how he was trying so hard to make us work, and I was just being lazy and not putting forth any effort into the relationship. At least through the whole course of the break if I told him we were either together or not, he said that I was just giving him an ultimatum so that I could go date someone else, which was not true. Now that he has given me an ultimatum he just tells me that if I don't date him he'll have nothing to do with me. After the break, he has been nicer, and he says that we'll be fine if we both relax. I'm just confused, these days he's been nicer. He also always helps me out when I need it.

Answer 1

Inside of you, their (and everyone else) there is a voice. Now, this voice inside of you is never wrong, it is the reason why we often say, I knew it, or I should have listened to myself. Pay attention to that voice, always pay attention to that voice, it will guide you towards the path you need to be. Being with him that long will have a pull on you, you must remember that it is the energy of a person that we miss when they're no longer near us. You are a woman, and being a woman, you must become in-tuned with your receptive instincts. If you feel that he's not right for you anymore, move forward... there's nothing wrong with moving forward... if you feel that he's worth holding on to, then hold on to him. You must understand that these life altering decisions are up to you and only you, therefore you must understand who you are and what your needs are before you make decisions like these, and as a matter of fact, any other decision in your life. Trust yourself... the decision doesn't have to come overnight, and trust when I say, if you choose to move on without him, the next guy you meet you'll be able to instantly identify what it is you're looking for in a man. Why... well, it's because of your experience that you've had with the one you're with. Life is filled with lessons, you must do your best to catch them and understand them. Good luck - and I know that you will do what's best for you.

Answer 2

The smart thing would have been to never take him back in the first place.

I'll bet he only went back to you because you are sleeping with him.  If you only think you love him, you don't. and he seems to be trying to control your life. News flash, hon, most people don't remain friends after  they break up, You will find another guy, one not so controlling.  Dump his selfish butt.  

Answer 3

It's very simple and clear to see that he is not good enough for you - dump him.  Never settle for less than you deserve.  It's pathetic to stay with a guy just because you don't want to feel lonely.  You need to learn to love yourself, love being alone and doing things that make you happy.  Only then can you truly love someone else and have a good relationship (I mean a really good one).  

Don't think that having a boyfriend is all that matters.  You are worth more than that.  Being alone is good for you and can give you time to grow and become a better person.  Learn to be confident, self-sufficient and happy on your own.  Then you will find someone who treats you well and makes you truly happy.

Answer 4

this is simple: just dump him. he isn't worth your time. i have a very simple reference for myself when i'm involved with a girl: if the other person doesn't make you happy and/or you are worse off than you would be had you never gotten together, then you should not be with that person. clearly, this person is not making you happy. he has put your life in turmoil and you seem insecure about a lot of things because of this. there are other people out there, and you will find them, so long as you don't just go living in a cave after you get over your boyfriend. simple, though: dump him. move on. you did it once, and from what it sounds like, you were fine, so you surely can do it again.

Answer 5

I don't have to read the whole thing to tell you the answer.

You may care for eachother but you two are not on the same page. Maybe you are compatible enough to be friends but nothing more than that.

Answer 6

for so long i thought that love was so complicated and so dramatic. ITS NOT! you are too young to care this much over something that will not work out in the long run. i have met the person i will be with forever. it is not so dramatic. dont get me wrong we argue but we have alot of respect of each other. we do not name call or threaten to break it off.

this is not the one for you. please go out find who you are, find the man of your dreams and dont give up!

Answer 7

Real love doesnt and shouldnt feel like this. It sounds more like a war zone than a relationship. A relationship, defined by the meaning of the word, involves give and take. And it sounds like he is quite controlling and miserable to be with.

Why dont you split up with him, spend some time on your own to regain your self esteem, and find someone much nicer? Ill give you a tip regards men- dont pick a man based on looks, eg he is tall, or handsome or has a hot body. This is where women go frequently wrong. Pick a guy based on whether he is a nice person.

Answer 8

I agree with those who advise that you examine the pros and cons of the relationship continuing, and decide if you are willing to accept him warts and all.

I would also ask myself if he will be willing to contribute some effort-he sounds sort of emotionally manipulative and those people usually want you to do all the changing to make things work. That hardly ever works out unless you're into playing martyr.

Answer 9

The best, most mature thing to do would be to look at the situation and decide whether (1) you want the relationship even with it's problems, and you are willing to do the work necessary to make it work or (2) you don't want the relationship.

Either choice can be okay as long as you make your decision based on a realistic understanding of what is good and bad in the relationship, and how much work you are willing and able to do to improve it.

Answer 10

Try to think of the reasons why you want to be with him and the reasons why you don't want to be with him. Write it down (like a list of good and a list of bad) and really think about it. Try to look at the "big picture" of what this relationship is. He sounds a bit controlling & childish in my opinion. If he truly loves you it should be unconditional without ultimatums. There's an old saying about if you really love someone let them go, if it was meant to be they'll come back to you. Anyways my husband and I fell in love in high school, we went our separate ways and 7 years later we got back together and our marriage is truly a gift from god. I know you probably don't want to hear it, but you are young. There are plenty of fish in the sea! If this guy doesn't totally have 100 percent of your heart and your having your doubts, there must be reasons why. Enjoy life and let your prince charming find you......Happily ever after? Good luck!