What is the best restriction, grounding, punishment for a ten year old boy who is out of control?

Question

He is my grandson and will not obey his mother, who lives with me, or anyone else. He has a violent temper, tongue and always says he hates everyone. He does fine in school, but not at home. Please help us to help him

Answer 1

If things are fine in school but not at home, there is a serious issue involving the adults who are raising him.  Is the father paret of his life?  If not, he might be angry at dad, which has nothing to do with you.

Have a chat with his physician.  

Be well.

Answer 2

First you should take everything he likes and you should send him to PEC school.

Answer 3

dont always give him what he wants. Kids like that are like that cause their parents spoiled them. i agreee to get him in a sort of sport and try to do fun stuff with him, but whatever u do make sure he has fun with u. Yoyu want to try to create abond with him, and when he starts listening to you cause hes happy ur doing stuff with him, start making sure u lay down the rules. kids listen to someone they can have fun with .

Answer 4

I'm not sure punishment is the way to go.  It seems like a short-term answer to a long-term problem.  Kids don't behave that way for no reason.  He should see the counselor at school or a private counselor.  He is obviousy trying to get attention from you and his mother, and he doesn't care what kind of attention it is.  I would pay a lot of attention to him when he is acting appropriately and give no attention to bad behavior.  This will take some time and patience.

Answer 5

When I was 10 and got out of line I got smacked! It worked just fine. I learned real quick not to mouth off and behave.

Answer 6

Dont give him any junky foods, get rid of the perservitives, also start getting him to do things that make him feel clever and responsible so that he starts to feel good about being good, and helpful. Get him into a team such as a footy team or soccar team or whatever he is interested in.

Hes angry about something and doesnt feel like he is any good, show him he is, dont just show him how bad he is

Answer 7

Ever heard of "spanking".  It works well.  

Dunno why people dis on it.  For 1000's of years parents have used spanking.  And for 1000's of years it's worked.  If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Answer 8

There is none.  Obviously someone has dropped the ball completely when it came to disciplining him as a small child.  Discipline doesn't require punishment.  At 10 it sounds like he is entering puberty.  Too bad no one thought to actually teach this child discipline and how to behave properly when he was younger because the problems are only going to get worse now.

Answer 9

if he's doing well in school, then that shows me the boy can understand and follow instructions.

if he's not doing well at home, then the expectations at home are either not clear to him, or they are not demanded consistently from him, so he tries his best to push limits by acting out.. use the word "consequence" instead of "punishment" and sit him down yet another time, to tell him there are good and bad consequences to everything we do, say in life. Tell him what you expect of him, chores, no violence, tongue issues, etc.and tell him what his consequences will be if he does not obey. Then implement the consequences. CONSISTENTLY!! I have found that the more intelligent a kid is more likely to find different ways to push limits. They are what I call them: loophole finders! and if there's a loophole in your strategy, fix it, and tell him. Always be clear, honest and fair. In other words, if he says: "f.. you" you consequence him by taking away his computer for 2 days. And if he says it again another day you don't do 5 days, you do 2 days again. during those 2 days, he says it, you increase it 1 day.

So it's like a little game, that they actually buy into. That's what you want, for him to buy into it!!

also have good consequences, like going to park, having some alone time w/his favorite adult.. etc. also taking away a chore is a good consequence too, which they like. So "if you don't use foul language for a whole month, then you don't get to take the trash out for a week!"

he'll be ok, i have a feeling!!

Answer 10

It sounds to me like there might be a lot of inconsistency with raising him.  Very often, kids that age act out like that because the boundaries are unclear.  The best way to counter-act this behavior is set clear rules and punishments - and follow through with them.  Keep in mind, any change in behavior takes time to fix.  There is no quick fix and its a bumpy road.

Have a talk privately with your daughter and set up some ground rules (write them down) when it comes to certain behaviors.  Once you get a feel for those, have your grandson join you two for a 'sit down' and explain that his behavior is not acceptable, but that he isn't entirely to blame - this time and that he is not in trouble.  That you both just want to talk to him.  

(Saying that, allows the child with anger issues to relax a bit, instead of going into 'im in trouble' mode that only worsens the situation)  That from now on there will be some ground rules (or more/adjusted rules to what there are).  Show him the list and go over them with him.  Ask him for his opinion on some of the rules there should be around the house - keep in mind, some rules require everyone to follow, not just the child.

For that age, grounding works in moderation (if it happens too often, kids often dont feel the need to bother being 'good' at that point.)  Added chores in moderation work too(loading/unloading dishwasher/washing dishes).  

There is no 'best' discipline measure for kids unfortunately.  Not everything works for every kid, that is why its a bumpy road in fixing behavior issues.  It takes time to find things that work - and time to find out if they work.  Consistency is the most important thing.

Also, make some time for just him and his mother and you and him.  Make it a weekly thing.  It sounds like he is looking for attention from both of you.

Hope that helps!

Answer 11

Consider having hime talk to a counselor, my younger brother goes to one every other week and is doing much better. Make prizes for when he does something good, and have him clean someething or give something up whenever he is bad.

Answer 12

my cousin is going thru the same thing w/ her 8 yr. old.it has gotten so bad that dcs has gotten involved b/c he hurts his other siblings.sounds like he needs help.is there something from his past that might be contributing to this?get help now before it gets out of control!

Answer 13

Take away EVERYTHING THAT HE LIKES. EVERYTHING. You need to show him who's boss because he definitely isnt. Provide food, water, and shelter and nothing else and show him how it would be without all the other amenities. Do not let him go outdoors or places with his friends. He needs a major reality check... soon! We dont need anymore menaces to society than we already have. Good Luck.... you are going to need it.

Answer 14

That age is tough for both girls and boys.

1) Be consistent. Lay down the rules and don't let things slide because it's easier.

2) The best punishment and reward is something they cherish, which is different for each kid. Take away something they love and give them extra time with it when they follow the rules.

3) It's ok to enlist the help of his teacher or a counselor at school, since he does ok there.

Good luck. My daughter is 10 now and is a major drama queen at home, but is an angel at school. My son had the attitude problem at that age, but now he's almost 14 and a great kid ( still waiting for the other shoe to drop....lol)

Stay consistent, stick to your expectations for behaviour and they'll get it eventually.

Answer 15

Take away all his games and electronics.

Works wonders...

Remember, spanking is never the answer and he's too old for that.