What is the best type of adoption for me? Domestic, international, foster care, other?

Question

Here is our criteria - we want to adopt an infant boy (preferably white - we are not racist, but we want the child to match our family to avoid tension and confusion for the child)

We want to have a closed or semi-open adoption (with very little to no contact with the birth mother)

And we don't want to get scammed by a birthparent who "changes her mind" at the last minute.

What do you think we should do?

Answer 1

Extremely your choice .

Answer 2

You really need to research adoption.

"Infants" are rarely available from countries that have caucasian children.  Infants are hard to come by anywhere internationally.

Closed adoption, including international, can be very difficult for the child.  Be sure you are choosing this for the right reasons.

If you have a good adoption professional, they will help keep you safe from scamming birthparents.

I recommend that you do some research. Consider finding a book called AdoptingOnline.com at your library or purchase it online.  It can really help you.  I know it helped us!!

Best of luck to you!

Answer 3

You pose some interesting limitations.  Mind you, I said interesting, not bad.  Adopting is not a bad thing and there's not really anything selfish about it.  I adopted my daughter in 2004.  We're in line to return to China in 2008 for our second daughter.  My sister was adopted.  My wife was adopted.  Her birthmother was also adopted.

First international connection that comes to mind when you say white racially is a Russian adoption.  I've heard good and bad stories about these adoptions.  The time and travel involved is a big consideration.  Also, the system is rife for corruption.

Since you don't want to worry about getting scammed, I'd suggest talking to your local adoption agencies who are working at the behest of the state.  You can talk to the coordinators about children who have had their ties to their parents legally severed.

I understand fearing the changing of the mind.  I have a friend who adopted domestically.  Their first adoption was going fine.  They actually began the paperwork while the mother was still with child.  They spent a lot of time in the hospital with the child as the mother didn't want to have anything to do with her.  On the very last day that she could change her mind, she did so.  I don't know how much of the cost the family got stuck for but they had invested heavily in getting this child.  Not just financially but emotionally.  I'm proud to say that they did have a successful second adoption.  However, they live in constant fear that the girl's mother will initiate contact with her.

From your brief description I would encourage you to look internationally.  It sounds like you are really looking for an orphan... not just a child to adopt.

Answer 4

Then I think you are going to have an uphill battle... I think you will be compromising on some things... If you go international adoption... they cost 16 thousand dollars plus, there are very few "Caucasian boys", if there are there are usually issues.. not that is a awful thing... everyone needs a home. open adoption... why not.... you are choosing to adopt, the child does not have this choice that is being adopted out usually. If family is wanting contact, that can be a great thing, especially if there are in medical issues... I know it was a godsend our our part to have the birth family involved. Scams.. of course there are always going to be parents looking for that Almighty dollar or weird psycho kick from breaking people's hearts. We had it done to us twice. The main thing is research... don't take anything at face value... and always be bendable ... adoption is a struggle (it is our maternity and birth experience). Good luck! I know I would not trade my soon to be 11 year old twins for nothing in the world!!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

Well you didn't mention financial issues, but if that isn't a problem, try adopting from Eastern Europe.  The tone of "white" could be more olive then your family, depending on your origins but if you are russian, ukraine, etc then it will be about the same possibly.

Answer 6

Some of the information posted in the responses is not true.  We adopted our Caucasian son, bringing him home at the age of 6 months, and he was originally involved with foster care although we ended up doing an identified adoption thru an agency.  

I would recommend contacting an adoption agency who can give you all of the information that you need and identify which option would fit you the best.  Most agencies offer free visits to discuss adoption.  They also offer counseling to birth parents (free of charge) to assist with the "changing your mind" syndrome.  

Good luck to you.

Answer 7

I would go with foster care. My aunt and uncle adopted through foster care and have closed adoptions. It's easier to ahve a closed adoption with foster care because the birth parents, a lot of the time, aren't in the child's life. Good Luck!

Answer 8

I bet if you are more open to adopting children up to age 3 or 4 you would have a better chance at adoption. Why not look at foreign countries--like Russia? The children are brought up in orphanages and thousands need mommies and daddies. :)

Answer 9

Based on the criteria you have provided, I would suggest you consider foster to adopt and International (Russia or other Eastern European countries).

Boys are more readily available in the Russian orphanages, but getting an infant is questionable. You don't indicate what you consider infant. In most international countries boys are more available than girls as girls seem to be the gender of preference for most adopters.

I completely get the closed adoption wish but most birth parents want an open or semi open adoption so finding a birth parent who wants a closed adoption is slim to none.

I also get the "what if the birth mother changes her mind" thing which is why I went international.

I think if you start looking over the different programs you might find that your desires change. I started out looking at Russian adoptions because that is where my ancesters were from. After researching about 20 different countries I settled on China because the program was stable and reliable. The time line has now extended so far out I don't think I would make the same choice even if they still allowed singles to adopt. I would go with Viet Nam. Again I would go with an Asian country only because my daughter is from China and I would like for her to have another Asian face in the family photographs.

Another option you can look at is extended family members. I don't know how large your extended family is but I have a huge extended family and at one point put out the word that I was looking to adopt and if any of my cousins, or their children (or their childrens children) was considering making an adoption plan for a child, I would adopt them and keep them in the family. As it turned out, one of my mothers cousins daughters husbands youngest sister was in that predicament. She chose another cousin instead of me because she and her husband had been trying to conceive for years and she had been told I was also looking at adopting from China. You never know what options are available in your own family.

You can also let the younger members of your family know you are interested in adopting and if they have any friends who might need assistance with an adoption plan you can help.

Good luck

Answer 10

Make sure you are adopting a child whose parents are dead and no relatives or step-parents want the child. I would avoid foster care because you would come in contact with government child protective services who cannot be trusted regarding anything about the child. Worse yet the government may have framed the parents to steal the child and you will be involved in a blood fued to the death with the parents determined to rescue their child.