What is the best way to approach a teenager about cleaning up after themselves?

Question

I am 28 and have a 15 year old teen girl as an exchange student this year. Before she arrived my husband and I set a list of house rules, such as clean after self, keep room tidy as well as bathroom (this is a second guest bath) We have made subtle remarks as "it looks like a storm swept through your room" "Its K's night to do the dishes", etc. To no avail. I have to clean her bathroom daily (I have two other children of my own) I was going to go in her room today while she was at school and make her bed & clean up to give her a hint. But I dont feel it should be my responsibility. If I can have a 2 & 3 year old at home and keep the rest of the house tidy I feel she can do the same. Any ideas or suggestions? I dont want to just come out ad say clean your room as I feel that iss rude and would make her uncomfortable

Answer 1

I'm 17 years of age and if that was me my mama would tell me that i better clean up or get out.you have to do the same and be strict cause you didnt have to take her in so she better be thankful and have some respect for your house.

Answer 2

Since she's a girl hit her in her vanity.  Assuming that you're doing her laundry for her, STOP.  When she runs out of clean clothes and asks why, tell her that if she wants your help, she'll have to help you out by cleaning up after herself.

Make sure she knows you don't consider her a guest, but part of the family and that she needs to act like part of the family.

Answer 3

CLEAN UP YOUR MESS!!!

Answer 4

The best way to do it is to confront her. But maybe do it subtly. For example, walk into her room, ask her if she wants to go out shopping with your (or something of the like), and then look around and say, "Jeesh, K. Maybe you should clean your room." in a humorous manner.

Answer 5

Just tell her in a calm, nice but straight forward way...teens can be sort of in their "own little world" which means you need to tell them straight forward. Make sure she understands you are not "trying to be her mother but...". Another good strategy is to list one good thing for every criticism that you list. For example "i'm really glad that you are enjoying yourself and having friends here. I just wanted to talk to you about your room..." And tell her that you would really appreciate it. Of course it should be a given since she gets to live in your house but teens are teens, they are still kids. Good luck!

Answer 6

I think you and you husband need to sit down with her and explain how  you feel. Tell her that there were a list of rules that needed to be followed when you welcomed her into your house and you are disappointed that she has not been following them. Explain to her that as long as she is living with you she needs to do her part. You can punish her for not doing them and not allow her to hang out with her friends. You can also consider not allowing her to watch tv if she has not done anything incase she does not have friends to hang out with. Good luck but just talk to her nicely about everything and she should understand. Be ready is shes 15 she might have a bit of an attitude about the whole situation. You are doing a nice thing for her she should show some respect and atleast follow your rules!!

Answer 7

i'm prett bad at taking hints, myself. just remind her of the rules. and if she is being purposely defiant (which i doubt is the case) you make have take away privledges or just not let her go out with friends until her chores are done.

Answer 8

Don't clean her room first of all!  Nobody would clean anything if they have an invisible maid that keeps picking up after them.  

Secondly, try to understand that not everyone has the same level of cleanliness as you do.  Perhaps she doesn't feel that making her bed is as important as you do.  I am married with children and I have never felt the need to make my bed in all my life.  (My wife would disagree on the other hand).

And finally, if there are rules then there are rules.  If it is her turn to wash dishes you have to come out and say "In this house we take turns washing the dishes.  Tonight is your turn."  She may not like it but she will probably do it.  If not, I am sure there is some committee handling the student exchange that can be reported to about behavior issues.

Answer 9

I can understand how frustrating this must be for you.

Personally if it is her own room and bathroom that she is using and not your families actual living space, I would leave her to live in her own pit.

You are not there to clean up after her.

A few Days before she is due to leave your Hospitality,

then say in an assertive but friendly way:

"I hope you are going to clean up your mess before you go,young lady as I have enough to do!"

If she doesn't there is little you can do, other than to be firmer if you have another guest of this nature.  

Answer 10

Teenagers tend to be messy. Keep that in mind when your kids get older.  I've been down that road twice!   However, as an exchange student, she must be mindful of the fact that she is a guest in your house.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with you telling her to clean her room and expecting her to following the house rules.  She's not cleaning the bathroom because she knows you'll do it.  So stop cleaning up after her. If she doesn't abide by your house rules, contact her liaison and explain the situation.  Truthfully, she's being rude by ignoring your rules while living in your home.

Answer 11

Hey, if you made the house rules plain, and understandable and she is not following them, you have no one to blame but yourself for putting up with it.  When I had an exchange student, I told her, if you do not clean up after yourself, you will be sent home.  She got one warning, and a week later, she was sent packing.  You have the grace to open your home to someone the minimum they can do is clean up after themselves.

Answer 12

do you have your 2 and 3 year old participate in cleaning up after themselves?  you might have to cajole her in a similar manner, "help" her but don't do it all for her.

Answer 13

Tell her she can't leave the house til she cleans up and if she won't follow your rules call the agency which placed her in your home and have her sent back home.

You don't have to put up with that.

Answer 14

sometimes hinting doesn't really work.  you need to talk to her, tell her kindly that you would like for her to clean up her room.  and if you have to clean her bathroom daily, stop doing it.  teenager's will clean eventually.  even teens have their breaking points with messes.  let it go, and when it gets to bad for her to walk in, she'll clean it up herself.  or maybe offer to pay her for the chores she does around the house, which might include dishes or cleaning her room.

Answer 15

first of all you had a kid when you were 13?

Answer 16

take her out, but dont push it. approach patiently =)

dont worry, you'll do just fine!

Answer 17

ask her if her room is clean. if she answers no. ask if she could clean it for u so you dont have to clean it yourself.  

Answer 18

You need to be "rude", here (although I don't think it's rude.)  

She's taking advantage of your sweet nature, and soon it will be impossible to get her on track.  I doubt her parents let her pull this stuff at home.  You're not her maid.

Give her a list of responsibilities (cleaning her room, etc.);

Give her a list of privileges that will be revoked if she doesn't live up to her responsibilities (such as going out or having use of the computer); and

Give her a list of potential punishments if she fails to live up to her responsibilities for too long.

Then, consistently and calmly apply these rules.

Be fair, and tell her what her options are for redress (ie - if she feels she has too many responsibilities or a punishment is unfair.)  In the end, you and your husband are the ultimate decision makers.  However, you would want a way to address concerns - she deserves the same consideration.

Be careful not to make threats you can't or won't keep; try not to give definitive time lines for punishments or revoking of responsibilities, either.  That way, you'll never be in a situation where you'll go back on your word.  It's really important that you be seen as consitent and unwaivering when dealing with kids.  They think like lawyers, only they use twisted logic.

Remember, she is not an adult house guest - you're in charge of her for the next year, and so you need to get her in line ASAP or you'll be miserable and she'll think she's in Club Med.

Good luck.

PS: Sending her home after 1 warning seems pretty harsh "the_only" - was she doing other things?

Answer 19

she is a guest in your house just tell her for fcuks sake....its your house and she must abide by the rules..........she must be french right there right dirty fooookas......

yup give me the thumbs down for this answer..you Americans are so PC.........politically correct PC

Answer 20

If you don't want to talk to her, contact the company she took the exchange through. Tell them she can't keep a clean room or respect your house, and they will contact her, tell her to straighten up her act, and explain the consequences of not following through.

Depending on the company she took the exchange through, and her sponsor, exchange students have a MILLION rules. My friend went to germany for a year with... Rotary club? I think? She had rules right down to no visible body mod (NO tattoos, NO piercings,,, NO hairdye). Thats right, they can't even dye their hair! Because its something a parent would normally have to approve to, and their parent isnt there to do it. If the company finds out about this type of thing, they will send her home on the next plane.

So your best bet is likely to contact the company, and they will make the decision what to do next.  

Answer 21

To be honest, she should already know how to clean up on her own, especially if she's 15 years old. I had to basically take care of the house myself when my parents worked late hours. It's either she's taking advantage of you, or is just being lazy.

The best way is to be blunt. She needs to realize that she can't just lie around and wait for something to happen. She has to learn to be responsible, unless she has some kind of magic wand where, in one flick of a wrist, her room's nice and tidy. Also, I suggest telling her that if she doesn't tidy up her room, it's a bigger attraction to insects, possibly even rodents. I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to sleep while a raccoon is going through her stuff. Oh, and if she doesn't clean up, it's also a bigger contributor to pimples, whiteheads, blackheads, etc.

If you don't want to go with the blunt approach, try to tell her in a nicer way. Don't beat around the bush because she might just play dumb and not listen, or she might just ignore you.

Hope that helps! ^^

Answer 22

I would sit down with everyone and say okay i have noticed that these things are not getting done such as ... ... ... then say when this happened then you don't get to ... .. ... So when you are saying these things it seems as though you are talking to everyone and not only the exchange student. I would not go and clean there room i would just point out things that have to be done but to everyone so that way you are not making one person feel uncomfortable or like you are picking on them. Good Luck :)

Answer 23

talk to her about it...she might not realize what your hinting at...sometimes hinting doesn't work.

Answer 24

have some quiet time with her