What is the best way to deal with attachment disorder in a child

Question

My relatives adopted a 4 year old girl who is now 7 and therapists have told them that she is unable to get attached to people due to her Mom voluntarily giving her up for adoption when she was three. Any good books you can recommend for dealing with adoption issues that happen when you adopt an older child

Answer 1

Sorry I dont know of any books that may help you.

It is so sad that she doesnt trust people enough to get close to them, perhaps, if she loves animals, bring a dog or cat into your home and have her take care of them.  It might be that an animal can get through to her more than a person can at the moment.  Also spending time going out to the movies or to a park, the zoo and any other bonding type activity like a day at the beach may help.  I wish you the best of luck in finding the answers.

Answer 2

I am not one of those people who can rattle off names and titles of authors or books. Your heading started as a question about dealing with a child with attachment disorder.

In my experience when working with kids with this disorder, (There were many) I had to be willing to not try and meet my own needs to be liked and to hug a darling little kid etc. Neither could I assume that the kid needed what I wanted to give to them of comfort and love. So the best way I found was to give the child a broad space with a safety net, so to speak. The best thing I could teach her/him was that I could be trusted and I was a safe person. So I asked them to teach me about what he or she wanted or needed in the way of affection. I asked permission to hug

and made certain the child knew it was okay to say no.

Mostly it takes patience and to be willing to love the child from a distance. Keeping promises, dates to do things and being punctual is important. Make it clear whether its a promise or a maybe. Discipline without threats or punishment is also important. Make certain discipline is simply natural consequence. Be sure to be there when you say you will and to never leave the child in an uncomfortable setting or for long periods of time, not prearranged. Call if you must be late, or away for an extended time and use a callendar to mark the day of your return if you are going for a time that you have to go and can't take the child. Never leave the child with a stranger. Make sure they know that the person in whom you leave their care, is consistently connected to the family. I hope these suggestions help.