What is the best way to deal with someone who seems oblivious to how rude they are?

Question

I work with a guy who seems to have no concept of an "internal filter". Literally every moment of the workday, he belches, passes gas, clears his throat, snorts, yawns, whistles, and sneezes so loud that the walls actually shake.

When he isn't doing that, he blurts out whatever he feels like saying, in a booming, grating voice. This often is some sort of comment that is hurtful and generally ignorant, about a person's appearance or other personal aspect of their life. He seems to fancy himself as having a great sense of humor, which is basically nothing more than a Don Rickles/insult type of "routine".

When I took him aside and calmly but firmly explained to him that his behavior is inappropriate, he got this hurt look on his face. After that, he said that "You all need to lighten up . . . I'm going to say whatever I feel like saying".

He's about 70 years old, and seems very much set in his ways; however, I'm not sure that's an excuse for him to be so obnoxious. It's even more aggravating when he appears to get upset when you ask him to give it a rest. I'm not sure if he's faking his hurt feelings, or if he honestly doesn't realize how unpleasant he is.

HR refuses to get involved, as does our manager.

What is the best way to deal with someone like that?

Answer 1

Hopefully he will retire soon.  Please keep in mind that as an employee, you have no rights.  If your employer refuses to get involved then don't keep complaining.  You DON'T want to lose your job.  FYI--the HR department works for your employer NOT you.  Those who tell you to keep bothering the HR department are just young and naive.

Answer 2

Continue to complain to HR and the manager and everyone else that will listen.  Threaten a lawsuit due to hostile work environment.  Continue to point out his rudeness to him.  Speak up when he says something rude.  like "That was rude.", "That was uncalled for.", "Keep your negative comments to yourself.", etc.  

Answer 3

I used to have disruptive people like that in my orientations as well. Their negative remarks and poor behavior don't go unnoticed to others either. Next time he makes a rude remark in front of someone else, allow the conversation to come to a complete halt. Look at him. Turn to the other person or others in the conversation and ask, "Do you agree with that?" or "Does anyone else here agree with Don's statement?" or "Does anyone want to counter that argument?" I doubt anybody will say anything. Allow for another uncomfortable pause. Reestablish the previous flow of conversation before the interruption. If Don Rickles continues to blow steam, let him steamroll until he stops, uncomfortable pause, then suggest everyone take a break.

He might not get what is going on, that you are taking control by grabbing him by the horns. But have a plan and stick to it, and try not to dwell on what he might say and how you would respond if he said this or that. He's frustrating to work with. Imagine being married to him.

As for the farts and sneezes, everytime you hear one, say loudly, "You're excused, Don." As if he asked to be excused, which I'm sure he didn't. As a previous poster commented, he isn't going to change. But you can change how you deal with him so that you feel more in control of yourself in situations when you must deal with him.

Good luck!

Answer 4

punch em in the face.  

Answer 5

Speak to other people you work with about his behaviour. Rally some support, divide and conquer, and then everyone can lodge a complaint and that can't be ignored forever.

I know how you feel, as I worked at a publishers and our team supervisor was basically a bully. She was the most unpleasant person I'd ever met and you could tell she made the workers who'd be there for years depressed.

So I was clever about it and never directly approached her, preferring instead to tip toe around her bad attitude. I incited something close to a rebellion in secret and as a result she is generally loathed by EVERYONE. And I left too.

Answer 6

If he's 70, he's probably not going to change. Just try to avoid him. I doubt he is trying to be hurtful or rude, it's just how he's probably been for his whole life.

As for the sense of humor -- he was probably very funny 50 years ago. Most old people I know just have an old-fashioned sense of humor.