What is the best way to discipline a child?

Question

My sister is having major problems with her children. The main one she is having problems with is a 9 year old boy. He doesnt do anything she tells him. She has never spanked him, she has tried making him go to his room, but he ends up just playing with toys in there. I told her that I thought he needed to be spanked, but she said that when she tried to do that, that he threatened to call the police on her, which scared her out of it. I guess he was told at school by a teacher that if his parents spank him, that he should call the police. Every morning that she tries to take him to school, he grabs hold of his bed and refuses to let go. She has to pry his hands lose, dress him, carry him to the car and drive him to school crying. Once he gets there, he is fine. She has taken him to a counselor, and the counselor said that he does not see anything wrong with the boy and that tantrums are normal and that she should just let the boy do what he wants. The boy does what her husband tells him, but he is rarely home as he works long hours. Any advice would be appreciated as I am sure she is willing to try anything to straighten him up at this point.

Oh yeah, the boy used to not listen to me, but I started putting him in bear hugs until he agreed to do what he was told. He now does what I say, but my sister is not strong enough to use this method.

Answer 1

Spanking, I think, is within the choice of the parent. I am ok with a spank every now and again to let them know you are serious, but I think he is getting a little too old to be spanked and if he is going to have that attitude toward his mother about calling the cops then I wouldn't test him. You wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction of winning that battle. First off if he is the oldest child your sister has then I think she needs to change this around quick or the younger children will see what they can get away with. Time out in a child's room is pointless, their room should not be a bad place. You should pick a corner of the house that isn't anywhere near where the tv could be heard or seen. Now the rule should be whenever he acts up he gets a warning, then if he continues to be bad no counting down no giving him another chance BE FIRM! Time out! 1 minute for every year they are old, so he gets 9 minutes. Either sit him in the corner, on a chair or nose in the corner! If he doesn't stay keep putting him back and starting over his time he WILL give up. It might feel like it takes forever but being firm will make it so much easier for him to know you mean business and he better listen. About the whole school getting ready in the morning nonsense I think he is far to big to have someone dress him. If he doesn't get dressed in the morning take him to school in his pj's I guarantee the next day he will be ready to go when he needs to be. It might also be in her best interest to start a reward for good behavior. Make a jar for each kid let them decorate it, and at the beginning of the month they start out with 10 pennies in each jar, if they are misbehaving and need time out they get a penny removed. If they are good and help set the table, and clean their room get one put back or added. Then at the end of the month they all check their jars and whoever has, let say, 15 pennies gets to go and pick a small toy, sticker, temp tattoo, or whatever out of the prize bucket that you make. It helps with the continuous flow of good behavior. I hope this is to some help but the main rule is that is if she is going to make a change she needs to go all out and not give in or he will see that and keep pushing her buttons to get her to give, she needs to be firm! Good luck!  

Answer 2

you need to tell her to spank him

1. he should be put in time out

2.grounded

3.take things away

4. LAST RESORT SPANK HIM WITH A WOODEN SPOON BARE BOTTOM!!!

Answer 3

Spare the rod and spoil the child....children need guidance and a spanking can definitely set the compass...a beating is wrong but a spanking can set the whole situation on course.

Answer 4

Wow, I'm sorry parental control is lost at such a young age...

Firmness is the best discipline.  Every kid is different, where spanking is a great way to dicipline some, loss of priveleges is another.  And by the way, spanking is not illegal... if you have doubts call social services or the police...  Since he's nine and obviousely knows he can manipulate her, it is 2x more important she be very firm, if she says he can't go to a friends because he did something wrong, then she CANNOT give in, and probably will need to keep close tabs on him so he doesn't sneak out at night (I think he is a little young to sneak out, but kids are getting worse and worse every year).  Take his cell phone away, if he,has one already... and if he does, put a gps tracking service on it, then you can find him when he does take off...

These are just a few ideas, I am not judging you...

ps I agree with the lady above, respect the child and he will return it, that helps with my 8 yo stepdaughter...

Answer 5

I certainly would NOT do what the counsellor said and "let him do what he wants".  He's nine years old, not an adult and until that time he does what he's told.

If he were my child I'd spank him and if he threatened to call the cops on me I'd dial the number and explain that my son is defiant, mouthy, disrespectful and manipulative and that he was spanked for it and wants to tell them about it because he isn't happy that he got put in his place and has to learn to mind. See how much wind that takes out of his sails.  Contrary to what he believes or has heard, spanking is NOT illegal.  Beating them with objects or leaving marks or abrasions is, but spanking a f***y to stop the behavior you know is over the line isn't.

He's nine. If she doesn't step up and get firm now he's going to be h**l on wheels when he's a teenager- and possibly more dangerous to her physically when he gets out of control.

Answer 6

my bf has a son,he is 8 and he is the same with  his mom ,but with me not because since the first time I put some respect so we get alone well,and believe me when I get my own child I don't care if she or he call the police because I spank or time out ,because after the spank is gonna be a time out so they remember how to do the right thing ,I think first your sister or you have to make him respect you and is better now than after he grow up ,and don't worry about the police they don't do anything if you spank and put some respect  

Answer 7

There must be some psychological problem there between mother and son. Counselors don't always take the time to get to the bottom of the matter. Speaking of bottom - if your sister thinks that spanking is a way to resolve the problem (which may or may not be the case) then she should go ahead and do it, hard enough to make it memorable for her son. Let him call the police - the police officer will probably pat your sister on the back and say "well done, ma'am".